Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by Bluedrago239, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. Bluedrago239

    Bluedrago239 New Member

    Ok here goes: Im 17 years old and I’ve had a porn addiction (that I realized) for about 3.5 years. 9- the middle of 12th grade.

    I’m making a lot of lifestyle changes like my diet,exercise, positive thoughts and NoFap

    The thing is , over the last 2 years of my addiction, I’d use porn as a huge escape and rarely interact with other people (barely any girls) and I felt no attraction to real girls, only those in porn. I always liked and was attracted to girls, never guys. Even the thought never came up so it wasn’t like I repressed it.

    The graphic intensity has also gone up: I went from vanilla pictures to crazy gangbangs and then trans and finally ended up in gay porn about 3 months ago.

    I’ve always ALWAYS been straight. Never a thought of interacting with another guy in any way other than platonic. The thought of guys having sex used to make me sick before. Now it’s dominates my sexual thoughts. It’s all sexual attraction too. Kissing, romance, heavy touching grosses me out. I also don’t like guys my own age or close. Only the older guys for some reason (gross as it sounds)

    I know for a fact this is because of the porn because on my last NoFap streak I went about 30 days (20 don’t count because I edged (to straight porn)) without orgasming and had almost no sexual attraction to guys. It was gone. Obviously it’s going to take more than 90 days to completely flush it out but at 30 days I could see the results.

    Then when I relapsed after a streak, the thoughts come flooding back and I ended up having an encounter (2-4 days post relapse). I met up with a guy from a hookup site for oral sex. I gave him oral sex and that was that. I don’t know why I did it. It was never something I thought I’d do. I was super horny when it went down because it felt so “taboo”

    And I felt terrible afterwards and I don’t want to do it again. Will this seriously affect me? Luckily he was a nice guy (and older)

    I know I’m coming off strong but I need some help please. I know I’m straight and I know I’ve always been that way. It’s always been girls and everything about them. But the past 3 months these thoughts and porn have been bugging me and making me do things I really don’t want to do and feel horrible about later. Am i fucked up forever or is this something that can be fixed with 90 days hardmode (no fantasizing or edging) and moving past what I did?

    I realize that what I did was clearly a gay act but all the gay thoughts I had suddenly started 3 months ago. NONE BEFORE THAT. Absolutely zero. It grossed me out before. But whenever I went on a streak for more than 20 days, the thoughts, fantasies, and urges for the taboo (gay sex) almost disappeared. I can imagine 100-120 days as a total reboot but the encounter is what’s worrying me. It was an experiment and I just want to be able to move past it. I feel horrible whenever I remember what I did and how into it I was at the time since I was so horny. Please help me guys.

    Thank you so so so so much
  2. alicenaraa

    alicenaraa New Member

    I think you are not a real gay. You did that things as your accident thought. You can try to find a girlfriend and test whether you can accept the females. Also, you can try out some hookup apps such as tinder, lucky, pure and down.
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
  3. Bluedrago239

    Bluedrago239 New Member

    Thanks for the reply!
    I know I like females. I always have. I still fantasize heavily about them. I think I just have to go the 90+ days to rewire and all this will be gone.
  4. biggleii

    biggleii Member

    Can I ask how times a day you were masturbating at the peak of your addition?
  5. Bluedrago239

    Bluedrago239 New Member

    Around 2-3 times at the peak
  6. GAN.KI

    GAN.KI Member

    It seems simple to me: You are deftly NOT gay if you are telling the truth in this message.

    Solution: Leave all this mess and pretend as if nothing happened. What would you do in that case: hang out with women!

    So: Just hang out with women and don't think about what happened. At all. Keep things breezy. You're just a young guy, going to school, having fun, going to the gym, eating right, NOT messing your balance up (for now) with alcohol/weed/drugs. And if it's a nice girl that is openminded and stuff, who knows, maybe you could tell her the truth even. There is some lovely funny crazy nonjudgemental girls out there :)!

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