Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Guy_Stewart, Nov 2, 2012.
To date this year you are 364 & 364 in terms of being an awesome human.
Saville, no matter what -- you are an amazing human being and I love you for that...
No promises to return, but I was here for a moment so I am not completely lost. As for computer in a public place -- it's in the living room. The problem is that SOMETIMES when I'm alone, I...I don't know...want to feel pleasure? Pretend pleasure? I am...here at this moment. Maybe I'll come back tomorrow. I DO do best when I come here regularly...as in...every day...it's one of the reasons I need a community. In the long run, I've PMOd less in 2016 than I did in 2012...that's good, right?
Not really, but that's my story for now. I'm working on a new one...and I haven't given up yet...
Guy, your next-to-last sentence is hitting the nail on the head. Absolutely it is a good thing that you did it less in 2016 than 2012!!! We take our victorious wherever we can get them. I'm probably more proud of my overall de-emphasis of P over the last year (i.e., really starting to take recovery seriously) than my current best-ever streak. Numbers are just numbers ultimately. It's where your mind is and your heart. And I think we all know your heart is in the right place. So do what you acknowledge works best for you and visit here daily. I know it's sometimes kinda depressing to come here when you're in the midst of a binge and see all those awesome streaks by others...I felt that many times. But it was the coming back here and reading and sharing that definitely helped me get to this solid place I'm at now. Keep the faith...
Hey good to see your still fighting the good fight. That's definitely a victory when you have PMO'd less in 2016 than 2012. I wish I could say the same thing, I think this was a worse year than 2012 for me. Of course I gave up on myself and walked away from the board. Sometimes it takes years to chip away at the PMO wall. The key is continuing the fight. You have done that. Keep fighting eventually your PMO tally yearly tally will be "0", you can do it!
I know you would rather not be here. Just coming back here myself after a 3 year absence, I do appreciate the familiarity of recognizing fellow struggling and fighting ragamuffins.
Yeah. I've been on a bender.
I'm starting again now. I will be here daily; even if it is to report PMO.
That's my small goal now. Be HERE every day in order to recreate the habit of being in this community.
Later -- and good to see you all, again!
One day at a time. Just one day.
Learn anything new?
0&0 as well, and embarrassed about it.
I kind of did this once, 12 or so years ago. My hard drive (thankfully) crashed and I tossed the computer. Didn't get a new one for a while. Had to go to the library, elsewhere to go online which helped (it was before smart phones). I was porn free till I got a new computer, which I did manage to keep clean for a while. It gave me much needed time, during which a saw a counsellor, talked with my wife about it, made some forward steps. I was porn-free 9 months. Previously I was PMO-ing at least every 4 days.
Guy, you're a writer. Perhaps a computer with the modem (internet accessing stuff, whatever it is) ripped out of it, so it's just a word processor. If you need to access the internet, which I'm sure is helpful for writing, there's the phone (which may or may not be dangerous for you), or work/school/library... a more public place with less temptation to mess around.
Guy, kudos for your honesty. I went on a lot of benders last year and would just avoid this site out shame and/or just not caring about getting clean and not wanting to see all these long winning streaks. But, seriously, coming here...even if you're still using...WILL make an impact. I did that too. Toward the beginning of my current streak I was showing up to just look and focus on re-booting. Awareness and absorption of the positive vibes and knowing there are people here just like you in all states of recovery is a real spirit-lifter. See you tomorrow!
No MO this AM, but browsed porn for about 15 minutes. So I set back to 0.
15 minutes is better than 150 minutes. The little victories COUNT.
Overslept this AM, so I don't have time to P or MO. Off to work. After coming here.
Progress, even if accidental.
People on here keep saying that getting lots of sleep keeps PMO at bay. Now I get how it works!
Guy, good to see you are still fighting the fight. Since starting this in 2013, I've gone from almost daily to once or twice a month. That is progress but not where I want to be. I found myself starting to PMO more often and decided I needed to get back on this forum.
Step one. Come here.
You got this!!!
Just come here every day no matter what. Journal about what's going on...what happens inside your head; it can't hurt.
Hi Guy, what's going to get you out of this endless loop? After 142 pages I'm still scratching my head as to what your foundations are.
Why did you commit to a heterosexual marriage if you're actually a homosexual? Does your wife know, and if so, what does/did she think about that? Did/do you have to fantasise during heterosexual sex about being with a man? Were you porn free at the start of your marriage? Was sex good then compared to now? Questions like this are very relevant to where you find yourself today.
I don't know if you're comfortable discussing these things here, but if you are it may help.
Z -- don't know, either. My head is scrambled. The "why" and "how" are way too complicated to talk about in snippets like this. Plus...I have no idea "who" anyone is here...scary thought, huh? One question: is human sexuality an either-or proposition? Is someone a homosexual OR heterosexual? Research suggests it's not anywhere near that clean cut...maybe I'm just messier than you are?
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