I Need A Community To Help...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Guy_Stewart, Nov 2, 2012.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Don't begin again. Just begin!
     
    lylemcd likes this.
  2. Nofapado

    Nofapado Active Member

    No apology necessary. You had a good run. Keep running.
     
  3. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Active Member

    0&0

    I kept futtering around, edging, then PMO last night.

    Begin again.

    Thank you for your continued support. I will be here every day, possibly for the rest of my life as THIS place, when I combine it with good choices, is the only combination that has given me success.

    So, begin again.
     
  4. Nofapado

    Nofapado Active Member

    Stay in recovery mood Guy_Stewart, chose to be free.
     
  5. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    "0&0" ... interesting definition of "success".
     
  6. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Active Member

    1&1

    Hey ya, Mr. Zippy. Sarcasm will get you anywhere with me. Yeah -- my definition of success I guess in one teensy way: I didn't pretend I didn't crash and burn. I have "omitted" PMOs in the past. But that got me exactly nowhere. So -- I'm back; being honest.

    Senor Nofapado -- thanks for staying with me. I am in recovery mood.

    Hey barber of Saville -- I begin.

    40New30 -- I am out of the black hole, sir. Here again.

    Onward, folks.
     
  7. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Thank you for climbing out, we need you.
     
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Guy, we need you here when you relapse just as much as when you're 12&12! More so.
     
  9. Nofapado

    Nofapado Active Member

    If you keep doing the same thing, you are going to get the same results. If you keep doing the "now I'm here, now I'm not" you're likely to stay stuck.

    I encourage you to stay involved with this forum daily for the month of December.
     
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Guy, it's the boy in you that disappears. It's shame. The man has to put away his childish things. I've been that boy for much of my adult life and it is fucked up, sucky, way to live. Each day I face the challenge of whether to capitulate to the old voice, which is one of avoidance. The other day I was in the hardware store looking for a special kind of light switch. The guy there, no relation to you ;), spent a good deal of time with me and I almost felt obliged to take the switch he was convinced I needed. The old me would have taken the switch, walked around the store a bit, and then returned to the aisle to put the switch back. Yuh, weird behavior, but typical of a boy who has no confidence in the face of a man. Without P in my life, and now that I understand how that little boy has made shit of so much of my life, I'm able to say "thanks for you time, but that's not the switch I need." It sounds small, but these are small victories for me; they make a difference. Get over yourself. I mean that in a gentle way, because sometimes I come across as a bit brutal. But, really, get over yourself. :p Send your little boy to camp forever and be the great man that you are.
     
  11. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Member

    hello guy. its not about beginning again. its about carrying on our journeys. its about finding our way out of the hell we have allowed to consume us. our journeys are all different but the results speak for themselves. allow yourself to take some positive steps. there is nothing to be gained following our destructive behaviors. there is much to be gained in allowing ourselves to be free.
     
  12. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Active Member

    1&1

    I'd pretty much not cared lately. Not about much of anything -- or I cared too much and let most everything burn me out.

    PMO was easier than fighting and I felt like being lazy.

    So, here I am again. I'll be here for awhile, I think. I'd like to get to a point where my wife and I can make some physical love again. So that's my goal.

    Thank you for staying with me.

    Tomorrow, then, gents.
     
  13. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Welcome back Guy. Restoring intimacy sounds like a good solid target, and I wish you success as ever!
     
  14. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I agree, very important motivator. Keep focusing on that!
     
  15. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Member

    guy

    allow me to be honest with you. for much of the time ive spent here you have continually started and stopped your progress. much of the time your efforts (or sometimes my perceived, lack of effort) has really annoyed me. and you may honestly say, i, to a greater or lesser degree, have been in the same boat as you.

    how you live your life is your choice. but man, moving in your small circles is doing nothing for you. you must feel so low at your lack of progress. i know i certainly have been with mine. wallowing in self harm and self pity does none of us any favors. and by living your life running away to satisfy yourself in the short term is doing you great damage.

    you have seen enough on these boards to know and understand what the answers are. how positivity can and will bring untold riches to both yourself and others around you.

    i know your past and i know, in my life, the damage past events, which we can no longer change, can effect us fundamentally. can indeed change the person we are now and for ever. i miss my parents every minute of every day. but they aren't coming back. i cannot do anything to change that. what i can do however is change how i perceive that.

    guy, its never too late. yes it takes real effort. but if you've got time to spend in front of your computer wafting away at your cock then you've got time to contribute to this forum. quit spending your time heaping more negativity on your already slender, burdensome frame and open like a flower, reaching for the sun.
     
  16. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Active Member

    4&4
    Porn and Masturbating to Orgasm-free days

    newleaf63 -- There is a lot in your response that I can unpack (yeah, I know, trendy jargony response, but in this case, I think it represents what I'm thinking). The upshot is that I'm deeply messed up. One difference we have though is that I DO NOT miss my mom. I am relieved she's gone. The fact is that while I "loved" my parents, I didn't like them at all. Not even a little. They spent about twenty years of my life ignoring me when I didn't land on the trajectory they'd planned. So...I have that to deal with -- and I'm the one who has had to care for them in their declining years because I live closer to them than my siblings. Anyway. Just another tidbit for you to psychoanalyze

    40New30 and Zippy -- Thanks for being here with me!

    On to new business -- it's been a busy three days. Partly because I've been exhausted and haven't gotten up early enough to hit YBR and partly because we've got two weddings fast approaching (niece and daughter!), I just haven't had time to be online except for "business".

    OTOH, that's worked to keep me from meandering around and "peeking" and then sliding down the slope again. My goal is still a month PMO-free and then making love with my wife. Maybe even early on the New Year. Who knows?

    Later my friends!
     
    Zippy likes this.
  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Feeling the energy, Guy. :)
     
  18. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Member

    guy, i am not here to psychoanalyse you, me or anyone. my parent analogy wasn't meant in any way an analysis of whether or not you or i did or did not feel about their parents. i merely meant we can choose to live our lives wallowing in the past, of promises of what might have been or we can choose do repair ourselves.

    we owe ourselves and those we care for to choose the later. I'm really happy however that my words created a response. I'm truly happy that you are 4&4.

    please don't take my words badly. i don't have a bad bone in my body. keep on keeping on. forwards.
     
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

  20. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Active Member

    6&6
    P&MO-free days

    Whew! Busy days here in frozen middle-of-the-continent! Graduation of a former student (no dad, genius to her mother's mental challenges, made it to BS with honors!) and in and out of the ceremony before blizzard hit. Visited dad -- no problem, just a visit (!!!!!) Then home for burgers and movies with the wife.

    To business and transparency: rubbed a bit in the shower, but nothing more than that. I think I'm in the dead-dick phase because nothing's really exciting me. Did have a bit of morning wood this AM.

    Not cursing the spot, but this upcoming weekend falls on my "classical first" weak point -- after a week of being PMO-free. HOWEVER, the weekend will be a busy one with my niece getting married; then Christmas; then two weeks to my daughter's own wedding (at which I am officiating!)

    Sober reflection: a few days ago when I realized that upon the completion of my daughter's wedding in January, I will have experienced in six months, Four Weddings & A Funeral...

    Just some thoughts there -- oh, and we refinanced our house and there are massive doubts about whether some of my colleagues will have jobs by June 2017. I'm safe, but many of them are not.

    So there you are. My life in a nutshell (no pun intended!)

    Thanks for your support 40New30, saville -- and newleaf63: keep the thought-provoking coming! I like it.
     

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