I have been trying to quit for 4 years , really need to kick this addiction

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by hopeforchange, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    Having no libido what so ever today. Maybe because I orgasmed twice yesterday. Maybe because I'm feeling really down. I don't know.

    I have to focus on other aspects of my life now so I get better mentally!
     
  2. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I'm back in a flatline. The exact same symtoms. Next time I have sex I'll try not to orgam. But it's difficult keeping a balance between not loosing my erection and not orgasming. I am going to avoid sex with this new girl until I feel a bit horny . Which won't be hard because I'm living with my parents again and so is she. I'm going to refer to this new girl as " Giggles" from now on ;)
     
  3. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    Woke up a little bit horny after having a sex dream. Felt good. The dream felt more "porn" like than real sex although it did involve real girls I know( none of who I'm in relationschip with though.. so maybe that's bad actually..)

    It's nice to feel something, but it also gives me some slight urges.

    I really think MO is necessary if you don't have regular partner. Otherwise you will just keep relapsing to porn. Luckily sex is easily available to me at the moment. That's why it's easier to resist urges. I know what my goal is: abstain from MO a little bit more and then in a few weeks see if I can get a erection during sex
     
  4. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    The last months I've been thinking I might have a venous leak. (stupid internet searching made me think this) but now that I'm in bed with a good boner for quite some time without stimulation I see this is not true.

    This is more a note to my future self for if I'm doubting this again. just abstain and rewire and you'll be fine. It might just take a long time!
     
    Mcgregor likes this.
  5. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    Lol I've had amazing morning wood today that lasted really long. If have this during sex one day that would be great. Now I can definitely rule out a venous leak. I hope I won't go back in a flatline but I know all this isn't linear so it's definitely possible. I have a long way of rewiring and frustration tot go. I know this

    Seeing how amazing it feels laying here with morning wood, it's crazy I actually considered relapsing yesterday and throw this all away. Luckily it was just for a minute.
     
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  6. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I went black out drunk again I carn't just drink like 10 beers on a night and stop. I always have to go black out drunk. It gives me the worst hangovers. I takes me 2 days to feel good again. Usually this is the time I relapse. And I would have relapsed if it wasn't for the fact that I'm meeting up with C next weekend.

    I have to decide what I'm going to do with alcohol from now on. I don't know if I still want to drink. it's just what I do with my mates on weekends... I didn't drink much the last few months and therefore I saw them less as well, it made the reboot a lot easier though
     
  7. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I've been living at C's place for 1 week now. It was definitely a succes! I always had sex without Viagra, without a problem. The last 6 days I orgasmed 1-3 times a day with her. Which was obviously too much. I saw my erection quality go down from a 100 % to now where it wasn't good enough to penetrate. But maybe that's normal. Having sex 3 times a day for a week is a lot. I'll take 4 days off of sex and see how it is then.

    Would a normal person have a reduces erection quality after orgasming that much?? I have no idea what's normal anymore...
     
  8. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I met a beautiful girl at a club yesterday she clearly liked me, we touched eachother a lot but none of us had a place to go to afterwards ( I checked if she had her own place) so I left early, maybe I should have stayed longer, you never know what might happen and she looked disappointed when I left. I have her number though so It could meet up with her today but I'm already going back to C on monday and I don't even have enough libido for her. But damn she was hot, like perfect face, perfect body.
     
  9. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I've been having sex with C without a problem the last week. Erections are always good enough. But when I didn't orgasm form 3 months they were stronger. But I guess that's normal.
    The real test comes when it's with a girl I don't know. Now if I wouldn't get an erection with C it wouldn't matter. I feel completely comfortabel with her.

    A lot of this psychological as well
     
  10. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I hd sex with C the past 5 weeks like 3 times a day on average always without ED drugs!!. We made the best of our time together that's for sure. I had a bit of ED problems when I was really drunk. But I blame the alcohol ofcourse. The days after it got in my head and my dick stayed limp everytime I was thinking about it too much, so at this point it's just psychological...

    I feel so comfortable with her that I just told her, stopped caring and I got a boner without a problem afterwards...

    This won't be so easy with girls I don't know or don't feel as comfortable with. I might meet up with Giggels again. But after spending time with C I don't really want anything serious with Giggels eventhough nothing can happen between C and me because of the distance and only seeing eachother once a year during my yearly vacation will be too difficult. So I expect telling you guys about some failures in the future. I should just find a girl who keeps with me through the awkward ED Period at the beginning and I'll be fine.

    As long as I abstain from Porn ofcourse
     
  11. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    120 days! never been on a streak this long. But I just had some craving I hope they won't grow stronger
     
  12. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I'm back home in the same environment and urges are growing stronger... If didn't think an opportunity for sex is near I would just MO and get done with it. Now I want to keep some libido
     
  13. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I had crazy urges, a real fight going on in my mind, I already decided 4 or 5 times that I would just relapse because going to the webcamsite would be hot as hell but everytime I changed my mind. I forced myself to just masturbate without porn instead which wasn't easy. Even while I was masturbating I was thinking it would be better while talking to webcam models. But then I just managed to empty my thoughts went for orgasm and I am SO glad I did!!! like magic, 1 second after orgasming my urges disappeared, I can think straight again and I understand how stupid it would have been and how bad I would have felt if I relapsed to porn or webcams.
    Before orgasming from MO I thought about how stupid and bad it would have been "logically" because that's how I always felt after a relapse but strangely enough it's impossible to really believe it or care about the longterm effects while feeling this urges.

    I hope I can keep doing this. First I thought it might hinder my ability to get an erection if I would have sex in the next couple of days. But then again... the last few weeks I had sex 3-4 times a day and not even that many orgasms kept me from getting an erection because I felt comfortable and attracted to the girl. So because of this I have to conclude that from this point on it's only psychological. I just have to keep away from porn and today I succeeded! For me it's just impossible without MO, I need some release. Being it sex or MO. And I think this quite natural
     
  14. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    Fuck this is getting so much more difficult now I have more time by myself again. I'm having crazy urges.

    Edit: Just MO'ed and now I feel ok:) watching webcam models seems stupid again. I wish I could think this way before orgasm as well. Seems like I'm still wired to getting off on webcam models instead of real sex. Because that's what I'm craving when I'm horny. Not real sex to be honest
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2018
  15. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I woke up with a horrible hangover, peaked at the webcam model site on phone... didn't really go through with it. And then I just masturbated on my own real fast and now I feel ok. I hope it didn't fuck up my progess. I don't think so though :) I have been masturbating everyday though. But it's better then relapsing on porn I guess. In a few days I will meet up with Giggles. I'm going to sleep over at her place so I will try sex. I'm doubting to use viagra or not. To be honest I think I will fail. Which is the worst mind set to have I know haha. It will probably be the reason I fail. Also I don't really know if I want to continue seeing Giggels anyway, the chemistry isn't there for me anymore. But I'm curious to see if I can have sex. If not I understand why: I'm not feeling it that much anymore + I've been MO'ing a lot and I know I had no problem getting hard with C so in the right circumstances I don't have ED, that's a relief. If despite all that it still works, awesome
     
  16. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I've been relapsing for five days. Completely back in a flatline. Fuck. I canceled my date at Giggels place because of it. And I guess I have to break up with her. That's going to be tough!
     
  17. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I feel like I have a deflated penis head again. A really annoying feeling of impotence. Why do I do this to myself, seriously fucked up
     
  18. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    Fuck I think relapsed like 4 times since the last time I posted here... I'm 25 now and still haven't kicked this addiction. I'm starting to loose hope. I'm going to stop starting now! I hope I can keep my word...
     
  19. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    I did not keep my word and kept relapsing. I'm completely empty now + the skin of my dick is all red + has cracks in it because of so much fapping. Never had this before. I hope it will go away. I'm ready to quit now... I'm at a low point again
     
  20. Tron101

    Tron101 New Member

    Bro I've spent the whole day reading your forum. And as I've been getting closer to your latest post I've been rooting for you to succeed. Unfortunately it was not to be. But this shouldn't discourage you. You've had a lot of positives, for example you started this journal a virgin now, now you've had multiple sexual encounters( catching clymadia too haha). On a serious note though you get girls easily and they seem to like you, so my advice would be try by all means to work on rewiring.

    I too am on my own journey, I've been clean for a couple of weeks. I've got a girlfriend so that helps with rewiring. She's a virgin so no pressure for me and I want the long rewiring so that when I beat this (excuse the pun) I'm really sure I won't be going back.

    I have cravings but because I want to be ready when my girl is finally ready keeps me going. I on the other hand have never been a fan of MO'ing so I guess that helps. The only way I get to cum is through wet dreams and I'm completely fine with that.

    Hate the fact that we got ourselves into this mess but now is no time to complain we gotta do what we must.
     

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