How do you stop objectifying women?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by BruceWayne, Jun 8, 2018.

  1. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    I’ve been doing this for years sometimes without even realizing it. I find it very difficult to not focus on a woman’s attractiveness and have to pull my eyes away so I don’t ogle.

    For other men they can seem to walk by an attractive woman without having to do a double take or turn their head around and do it quite easily.

    What mindset should I be striving for in order to do this?
  2. themammothrept

    themammothrept Administrator Staff Member

    Rebooting will help you develop this mindset, as you become more interested in personality as well as just attractiveness. Additionally, it is important to make a conscious decision not to ogle. Don't look below the neckline, that's one of my rules. As your reboot continues and as you make a conscious decision not to ogle, your sexual tastes will gradually shift and become more romantic, so that you won't be interested in every woman you see on the street.
    Bobby44 likes this.
  3. Caesura

    Caesura Member

    I've been rebooting for five years. For three of those years, I was 100% porn free, and at one point I was also 9 months MO-free. My tendency to objectify women has NOT improved much at any point.

    I have brief periods of time where I stop objectifying, and I really enjoy that. It's beautiful. But it never lasts.

    However, I'm just getting started on learning to cope with stress. So maybe my failure to do that before made me still see women as objects. I don't know.
  4. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Learn more and more. Listen to stories. Make friends. If we're talking porn, learn some of the stories of ex-porn stars and what their lives were like. I've gained a lot by befriending women. My best friends are women, in fact. It means that I've heard more than a few stories of being looked up and down, harassed or worse. Replacing the porn image of women with a healthier, more realistic one can be important. We're interested in people and women in particular, so suppressing one without replacing it can be difficult. If you're around some guys who are ogling, you can call them out, at least quietly to yourself as an exercise. Just because a woman is wearing a certain garment doesn't mean she's "expecting" to be stared at (or worse).

    Maybe a bit of a tangent, but I stumbled on this video this morning that seems relevant:
  5. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    I’ve been doing some thinking about this topic and I really think for me personally porn has played a major role in objectifying women however I need to do more than just quit porn but rather I need to consciously tell myself to see women as more than just their attractiveness.

    One thing I did was compare how I see my male friends to how I see my female friends and acquaintences. I notice with my male friends I don’t care how they look. I care a lot more about who they are as a person, how they treat people, their actions and their character. With females I really only care about their actractiveness. Who they are doesn’t really matter.

    I think that it’s obviously okay to see women as physically attractive but when it’s the only thing you see and the only thing you care about, it’s a problem.
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2018
    doneatlast and themammothrept like this.
  6. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi Bruce,

    Thank you for opening this thread. This is definitely something I struggle with. Like Cesura I have periods of relief, those are good times. Other times I am weighed down by the burden to look.
    For me I believe that these times correlate to my state of mind. If I think I deserve to be treated better, (by wife, children, boss or God), then I am only too able to imagine how much pleasure I could bring to the subject of my objectification. The physical response is similar to that from seeing a car that I would like but cannot afford. In other words for me objectifying women is a materialistic desire to break free from my current difficulty and attain the status I am rightly entitled to.

    In the heat of battle I will try not to acknowledge the women. If I have to acknowledge her then I will myself to talk to her face and deal with any hangover quickly afterwards.
    If there is the luxury of doing so I try to get in touch with gratitude for what I do have, be that work, a wife, children, life or my bicycle.

    Soar Well

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