Final Try

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Tron101, Jul 2, 2018.

  1. Tron101

    Tron101 New Member

    A bit of my background I'm currently 22, I was first exposed to porn around age 10, that was in 2006 it was softcore (Emanuel) and in magazines too. Then in 2009 I had my first internet enabled phone and it was then I was exposed to hardcore porn. I discovered phonerotica it was then I started masturbating to porn. I broke my virginity in 2010.

    I've ever had two successful sexual encounters. Since my first sexual encounter I didn't have another one until 2013, this is largely because I live at my grandmother's place and she's always home so I could never bring a girl over. I'm an extrovert so getting girls has never been hard for me. In this time between 2010 and 2013 I relied on porn to get my fix and because it was easy getting girls I lied a lot about my sexual life to my friends, all along they thought I was having sex but I wasn't.
    I never noticed changes in my erections because I'd get hard with porn. Then in Dec 2013 I had a chance to have sex then I couldn't get an erection but at that moment I thought it was because I had drank Coca-Cola earlier. Then about a week later I had my second successful sexual encounter of which was a three some. Then during that Dec I had many more chances to have sex but I would never get a satisfactory erection for intercourse. I didn't dwell too much on it. In 2014 I had another chance when I didn't get an erection this time, is when I started to worry. I searched my symptoms then came across your brain on porn. It was then I discovered I had PIED I tried quitting but as we all know it's not easy, after a few failures I fell into depression and by this time I had began smoking weed in 2011, then in 2014 started smoking cigarettes. To deal with my depression I would get high and PMO. I started getting less interested in girls because I knew I wouldn't perform when it mattered, to save myself the disappointment I just stayed away from girls. Girls I'd talk to were the ones I have platonic relationships with. I would always try to quit but then few weeks in, I would return to PMO'ing. In 2016 I got in a relationship but after a few failed sexual encounters the girl left me. She left when I was about 60 days in. I was determined this time around and I continued I reached about 100 days. I would get morning wood on most days, get random erections and all those changes that indicated I was almost recovered then one night I decided that MO'ing wouldn't be so bad before I knew I was back to my old habit. That is spending about 2-3hrs PMO'ing every night. In 2017 I tried few more times this time being able to stay away for two weeks at most. This year, 2018, the same story too.

    A few weeks ago I decided I wanna quit this life of PMO'ing, after all the real thing is more nice than my hand. So now I'm on week four, I have a girl I've been involved with for 8 weeks now. When I kiss this girl I get a rock hard erection but as I've stated getting girls is easy, I've also flirted with a few other girls but with the others my erection is about 40%. Sometimes I get morning wood and in very rare occasions I get random erections.
    But from past experience I know it's too soon to get excited and the few changes I've seen are what inspires me to go on. I haven't experienced flatline as of yet, so I'm expecting it as I would know there are changes happening in my brain. I've had 3 wet dreams so far. The girl I'm involved with is a virgin, I chose to reboot with a virgin because she's in no rush to have intercourse and I still need to rewire my brain. This time around I'm very certain I'm done with PMO'ing. I still get cravings and some days are harder than others (excuse the pun). But I've told myself the next time I cum it's gonna be inside a pussy, doesn't matter how long I've got to wait. 9 years worth of brain damage can't be fixed in 90 days, so if I've got to take a year to heal so be it.

    Sorry for the essay, questions are welcome as I couldn't cover 10 years of addiction in one post. Stay strong my brothers, this is war and wars aren't won in single battles but in compounded successful battles. Each day spent not PMO'ing is a victory‚úä
     
  2. Tron101

    Tron101 New Member

    So today July 3rd I got in a relationship with the girl I mentioned above. When we were kissing earlier on, I noticed that my erection with her has gone down to about 60%. But this doesn't worry me though it's still a long journey.
    I read somewhere yesterday on the site that the goal shouldn't be about having full erections and finally being able to have sex but should be about holistically improving oneself.

    So now I've decided to open a fast food restaurant to keep myself busy as I am unemployed. Also I'm taking a break from smoking. I'll keep coming back to write.
     
  3. Tron101

    Tron101 New Member

    So I didn't wake up with morning wood. I drank last night so this, obviously is a factor
     
  4. Tron101

    Tron101 New Member

    So yesterday I met up with my girl. We kissed and my erection was about 40%. Last week I would get about 80%-90%. Also I didn't wake up with a boner today. But I do get those tingly feelings down there.
     
  5. Tron101

    Tron101 New Member

    So yesterday I O'd. So I was taking a nap in the early evening and during the nap I had a sexual dream. I was almost conscious of the dream taking place and I chose to let it happen. When I came it was a big load. The dream felt more like mental masturbation as I was half conscious of what was happening. And this morning I didn't wake up with morning wood but I felt sensations when I touched my dick. So not all hope is lost I'm still on track.
     

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