Fail, fail, fail & Succeed

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by JonSnow, Nov 8, 2016.

  1. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Today in the morning, I had the urge, and I was alone in my house. you know it is painful-like a tug of war. your good vs. your bad. But it feels great if the good guy wins. It feels really really good when you can control yourself from the craziness and I am here to feel that good again and again in the following days. Yesterday I was reading "MO19 recovery" and MO19 just showed me it's not only me, I am not alone. The pain, it is on all of us. Everybody here has to go through this. So, if they can, why can't I?

    Let me introduce myself. I am a 18 year old boy, addicted from when I was 12 years old. But, that isn't my concern, when did I start watching or how my past watch. only the days that are coming matters. I have started fighting the beast (yep I call it beast) about a year ago, when I found out what I was losing. I can't satisfy my positive interests and I can't improve myself if I am stuck with this silly thing.

    I will share my ideas and thoughts and moments here. I am currently on a vacation and most of the time I remain at home. I have to stay alone for a couple of hours each day. And from my previous experience I know this is the perfect time for the beast to attack. So, from now on I will disconnect my wifi at that time and I will do any internet work on some other time.Lets see if it works.

    My best streak is 20 days. It's a journey and I'm on day 1. Lets see if I can beat that.
  2. Matei99

    Matei99 I hope One day I'll be cured

    You are still in a great position but think about how much bad you did to yourself and if you don't stop things will only get worse my bro. Keep that in mind , you just have to live your life without that porn infection. Think that you are free from it and just focus on your daily stuff :) I hoped I helped . Love you all Good luck :)
  3. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Thanks T-M. The support from you guys is all I need. Any help is really appreciated.

    I can go for a couple of days, but just cant make up my mind to make it long enough. Argh! I lack patience!

    ok, now day 2.
    I kept my Wi-Fi turned off when I was by myself at my house. It really helped. The bad thoughts weren't severe like the previous days. oh, and I made a table of my reasons for giving up, the replacement activities I can do in my free time to busy myself. I can tell you, I was really excited to do this. If the inner me is supporting me, then who can stop me? HAHA! And.......a little bit of horny feelings when I was watching 'Casablanca' :-\ ok, I can bear that. Nothing much. Have a great day :)
  4. koolman

    koolman Member

    hope you do well man keep going stay strong.
  5. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Ty koolman. :)

    Day 4
    It was a busy day. Those thoughts hardly came yesterday and today. Did some book reading when I was offline to keep myself busy. And did some learning things too. I was a bit down today in the morning. I don't know if that was the porn depression (u know which happens from time to time) or because of lack of sleep.

    Funny though, while I was walking on the road I was thinking or my brain was thinking that I shouldn't buy the foods now that I wrote as my weekly reward. Lets hope I can complete the weeks. I like those and really want to taste those. :3
  6. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 5

    mood - good. no erection. Some weird vague scenes just popped out of nowhere on different times of the day. Nothing serious anyway. I think the 'thing' has begun.
  7. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 6

    A great day. I met some friends at a seminar and had some great moments with them. I think I was a bit talkative than usual.

    I feel a little uneasy around girls. So, I have decided to work on publishing a magazine that might require talking and being with them. I have dwelled on this thought. But I am sure this is an opportunity for myself to be comfortable around girls.
  8. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 7

    A week has passed and it's time for my weekly treat ;D I am going to grab it tomorrow. To recall the week, I am glad that I have stopped by this site. To tell the truth, I was in a hesitation before writing my first post, whether it's going to get me anywhere. But only the thought that I can write about my fight against the urge and every day is appreciated is a great help.

    I am currently reading 'The diary of a young girl' by Anna Frank, a popular one indeed. It is the diary of Anna Frank which she started at thirteen years old and it contains the difficult situations of her family's in World War II . The thoughts that go through Anna's young mind is similar to those of mine - It's like I am seeing myself in this book. So, I am really getting excited reading this. What concerns me is that whether it might trigger any bad thoughts. Let's see what happens.
  9. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 8

    No story. Except I was excited and eagerly waited for my weekly treat that I took in the afternoon. And about Anna Frank, I have read about 100 of 250 pages. There's no problem up to now.
  10. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 9

    Today my mood was good. some erections occured. But no porn thoughts.

    The frequency of being in depression has reduced a great amount compared to my early days when I tried to give up PMO . I know when the 'depression' comes, it's so hard to tackle. But I am ready.

    Today I asked myself 'why would I give up porn'? The answer that came to me on the moment was If I do so, I can use the time for a better pupose. And I don't like them, because the unreal activity derailed me as well as numerous boys on the planet. I am a thinker for everyone!
  11. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 10

    Today I was debating with myself whether to continue with fap or nofap. I have last watched porn about 50 days ago and the 10 up there is for the last day I fapped. At last I was convinced that I should continue what I am doing, that is continue to count for no M. I will read more about this.

    Today I got boners reading Anne Frank (again!). It was where Anne was in love with Peter. The details was far from what you call sexual contents and yet it gave me that. I was only imaging the events of the books ( that's how everybody read I think). I guessed beforehand what might happen if I continue reading the book. But how can I stop reading such an interesting book after finishing halfway, I told myself. I have finished the book. It's such an wonderful writing.
  12. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 11

    Not a 'out of trouble' day. Bad thoughts didn't occure. But I had several erections that gave me hard times. I am glad I could get through that.

    This is for JonSnow: Hey, you remember your last fap? You were forced to meet the urge that you couldn't resist. Though you had already fapped 2 times in the same week. So, that's what happens. You start M once and then you cannot help doing the same thing 2 or 3 days later. Because the urge is so strong after it activates. Be strong. Don't ever think of getting rid of the pain. You'll eventually feel better if you endure it.
  13. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 12

    Not a bad day. I read somewhere that 'if you want to kill a bad habit, try to aquire some good habits which gives you the same kind of fun'. Today I learned Linux and read a book after that. All these works keeps me busy and I don't have to feel bored and lonely. Boredom and lonliness was one of the main causes for me to watch porn.I think I am getting rid of the lonliness. finally!
  14. koolman

    koolman Member

    Great man it sounds like your doing awesome. Filling the void with useful activities is definitely a good thing man. Try to have active activities like going outside as well not only resting kinds. Keep up the good work stay busy work on developing a social circle as well with people who share similar interests for some it could be going to church others a club at school find something for you this will also help.
  15. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Thanks buddy. Yes, I have thought about joining a group or something similar that suits me but haven't done so. I think I still have to improve my 'communication' power. I am a bit laggy in that.

    I see you have almost completed your target of 60 days. That's great. Keep up the good work. Don't stop here. If you can do this for 60 days, then you obviously have the gut to prolong it. And don't forget to give yourself rewards occationally ;) . These rewards definitely help.Today I have finished my day 14 and literally I am just craving my week 2 treat. I will get that tomorrow. Cheers! :)
  16. koolman

    koolman Member

    Ya I have a celebration planned for 90 days I'm going to a pizza joint I think and probably binge a little it is going to be great. Your right 60 days was a short term goal that has taken me a long time to get to this will be the first time I am this close to getting it. I'm
    Planning to go 90 days and beyond. I think I will change my counter to that soon.

    For 60 days I may do something as well. Thanks man hope you keep doing great.
  17. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    That's the spirit, koolman. Keep us notified about your journey. And what I have heard that the first 20 or 30 days are the hardest part. You have finished the toughest one, so of course you can do it. We all are with you.

    So, Day 15

    The day did not go well. I was depressed the whole evening. The reason was just a 'chat' on facebook with one of my friends. Anyway, I am alright now. I aspire to become a computer scientist. I am always thinking 'Oh! I have to know more. I didn't finish my work properly last time, or I am taking too much time to learn, I should learn faster'. I think I taking this aim too seriously. I should chill a bit.
  18. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Day 16

    I totally enjoyed my day today. I planned beforehand what I would be doing next. It was a relief having no stress which made me down for the last few days. I talked to myself loudly (as I was alone in my house in that time) what I need to do and what I need not. And it really helped.
  19. koolman

    koolman Member

    For some it is the first 20 to 30 days it depends on you and who you are. how long you have been addicted. When you were addicted how frequently where you fapping daily, weekly etc its different for everyone. there is no set number of days even for a reboot. Some people day 20 is the hardest others day 70 I think I have even seen day 85 at one point but the point is: you have to be patient and have hope.

    Also some people don't recover in 90 days some it takes a bit longer I have seen some people put their recover at 180 days. It took Gabe Deem one of the legendary rebooters I think 7 months to recover
    there are some of his videos here if you want to take a look. watch his first one specifically its the most inspiring in my opinion.

    So I still have to be careful but your right the more I go the better things will get that I am sure. Hope you keep doing well in your recovery stay strong and try to fix things and help yourself by changing the way you do things anyways stay strong man. keep journaling about your daily routines and what not keep going.
  20. JonSnow

    JonSnow Member

    Wow! 7 months! Gabe Deem's indeed a legendary guy! Thanks for providing the link. I will watch them.

    And I like your line - 'you have to be patient and have hope'. Yep, it's a life-long process and you have to hold the spirit through the whole life. I always tell that myself after i relapse or in time of danger. I have to continue this for my whole life and I will, that thought helps me get out of the uncomfortable situation.

    So, Back to my journal Day 18

    I have not been in meditation for a couple of days. I miss the sessions and that calm and relaxed feelings after meditating. Let me clear this. I always meditate with guided meditation. I started with 'Headspace', an android app. It had ten sessions each with 10 minutes. Those were absolutely brilliant and I began to have a liking towards meditation because of this app. But as it had only 10 sessions, I have already listened to each of them several times. Then it became less helpful since it seems I can't concentrate on those fully. Now I am searching for similar kind of guided meditation. Yes, there are many on the internet. But I am so much lazy to download them.

    Today also went well in the sense that my mode was okay and no urges. It's kind of unbelievable that I am in day 18 and passing my days without any porn thoughts. If it was 2 months ago, I might not be in a good mood throughout the day. Though I log in to write this journal only once in a day, the continuous writing is helping me a lot.

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