Drop the kid, start living

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Fiddler, Sep 1, 2012.

  1. cjm

    cjm Active Member

    No you got me all wrong. Trying to be helpful. Just do wha you got to do. If you don't need help, if you can do it on your own that's good. Therapy isn't about "fixing" anything imo just about understanding yourself better. Anyway good luck
  2. Actually, I was saying that you need to find your niche if the mainstream doesn't make you happy. Try something other than Tinder and the same bars everyone goes to. Go to places that play the music you want to hear... Do activities you don't find mind-numbingly boring... Who knows, you might even meet a woman who doesn't bore you after a couple of hours.

    There's something to be said for being happy with what you have. Wanting more makes people unhappy, and then if you can have more, why don't you?

    Rebooting is just the beginning, Fiddler, and let me tell you something: you're rebooted. If all it took to live a happy, fulfilling life was to not be addicted to internet porn then there would be a lot more people living in bliss. Quitting porn got you out of the house for the first time in years, a string of girlfriends, a new country, a job... What more do you want from it? To improve other things in your life you have to put in the effort. A wonderful life doesn't fall from the sky just cos you stopped wanking all day, but stopping wanking all day gives you the time and mental space to work towards a wonderful life.

    Anyway, being a misanthropic asshole with a job and a girlfriend is infinitely better than being a guy scared to leave his mother's house and wanking all day. So well done ;)
    cjm likes this.
  3. AB100

    AB100 New Member

    You don't have to like anybody but it seems you don't have empathy for others. Suppose all humans thought exactly as you then there would be no orphanages, no charity, no social justice. If all one needs to be happy is to eat, sleep have sex then what is the point of inventing light bulbs and internet.
    Looks like you are depressed which makes you want to be anti-social. Now you don't like being anti-social at a deeper level that is obvious. However, you seem to justify as it is just who you are. It's possible it's not your true state and you have wrong beliefs or are just depressed.
    Londoner likes this.
  4. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    I started this journey of rebooting to improve my overall wellbeing, especially social skills. Which doesn't mean that I expected to be magically an extrovert one day but that I wouldn't be burdened by fears, dislikes, depression and such while learning to be more sociable. I found this to be not true, thus I'm deluded.

    It doesn't matter to me what I got. It does matter to me what I can get. As an example, yesterday I met with a few friends to discuss a project of ours. This guy, funny but averagely looking, came with his girlfriend, some russian girl. Believe me, she was among the top 20 most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life. And we all saw plenty of girls through porn, of course. I have the same job as him (so it's not a matter of work status or money), I'm better looking, taller, more muscle and much more technical knowledges (I'm going to be the IT guy in this project, he'll be some sort of PR guy). He is above me only in confidence and being funnier.
    I can be like him. I can "score" as high as him. I thought rebooting would allow me to learn to be confident, to be funnier, to enjoy people's company etc. I was wrong. I feel I'm living still way below my potential, and it is making me miserable.
  5. cjm

    cjm Active Member

    Well he's funny, he obviously has a good personality. That's What you need to work on :) get help, be productive and proactive about it, recognise good advice when it's given to you and listien. Self development is never ending and as hello Penis... says giving up porn is only the beginning.
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2017
  6. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    It's quite hard to be funny with people when you hate them. And I didn't when I hadn't still rebooted. Point is, rebooting didn't make it easier to develop in a more sociable way, as expected. Quite the contrary.
  7. Londoner

    Londoner Active Member

    Why do you hate people? Do you hate them before you've met them?
  8. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    I hate people because most are unreliable, boring, stupid, arrogant, self-conscious beings. The world would be far better off without at least half the people currently living it. Thus yes, I hate them by default, without even meeting them. Worse is, but for a handful of friends I have, I keep hating them even after working along them or going out a few times with.
    Michael84 likes this.
  9. This is probably true of everyone in the world, Fiddler. The trick is not to waste your mental energy thinking about the people who are "unreliable, boring, stupid, arrogant, self-conscious beings", it just makes you depressed.

    I posted in your journal a while ago saying that you can't expect to get all of your friendship/relationship needs fulfilled in the workplace, so this is normal too. They are colleagues, acquaintances, and occasionally actual friends.

    Again, you need to go out and find your niche, and focus your efforts on like-minded people who you actually enjoy spending time with, then you'll be too busy having a good time to think about how big a bunch of cunts the rest of the world is.[/QUOTE]
  10. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    I can relate to most of that....
  11. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    I do understand, on a logical level, what you guys are telling me. It is just that it seems to not work with me. Not now at least.

    I don't like ANYBODY. Not even my mum. Therefore it is simply not possible to find my niche or people who I like to spend time with. I simply don't like any people out there. Zero. Period. Most of the messages I've been reading in the last month are utterly incomprehensible to me. Going out? Joining a club? Meeting with people? I dislike even the hours I am awake at home, go figure the stress of going out and actually having to talk with somebody. Just this morning I went out for a walk, shopping and perhaps a coffee. I came back less than 1 hour later without having bought anything nor had any drink, as the pain of being around people was too strong that I simply didn't enjoy any second of it.

    I repeat: before I was rebooted I was scared to go out and meet with people yet I longed for it, knowing that it was necessary and a part of my life that I sorely missed. Now I'm less scared, but still more than I'd like to, but I have absolutely no desire to meet anybody. If I had infinite money I'd be extremely happy to call a prostitute home from time to time to satisfy my sexual needs and spend all the rest of the time inside my house. It feels like paradise right now.

    Nearly every day at work is a pain. I struggle to complete it, then I go home and spend the rest of the evening doing absolutely nothing worth of its name. I haven't been to the gym in nearly 2 months. I haven't been to a party or any social meeting in 3 months. I haven't met anybody new in about the same time. I haven't learned any new skill, nor improved any language, nor lived any adventure nor went on any trip beside one in early February. I'm doing absolutely nothing with my life. I have been depressed before, for as long as I remember. But each time I was depressed I felt inside some sort of reaction, even in the deepest moments of the depression. Nowadays I feel absolutely nothing. Like I'm emptied. Like I'm content with just existing and don't care about the quality of life I'm living, as I'd welcome it to end as soon as possible yet not doing anything to end it. I'm at a stall.

    Seriously, if today's me would have told the me of 6-7 years ago that after rebooting I would have ended up like this I would have masturbated the shit out of my life. Really. The pain after a PMO session wasn't up to this level. And I would have had so much more fun in between.
  12. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Perhaps some of us got social anxiety to begin with just so that we would avoid people...because we neither were supposed to be around people and would never fit in with a crowd... and our own biology knew that right from the start. Nah...ofacourse I do not believe that but seriously though, when I'm really depressed I hate everybody AND everything. Including myself. The only advice I can give is something I know from my own life: if I do not exercise I can NOT enjoy anything in life. The first thing I ask myself when I'm down is: have you exercised lately Marston? If my answer is no then I know what to do.

    I know it's hard to do when everything suck but still...that's what I must do.

    Anyways: feel better!
  13. cjm

    cjm Active Member

    I'm my opinion you need to get help, and you need to start helping yourself.

    Otherwise things may not change for you. If you don't want that maybe it's time to do something about it.

    Staying at home brooding all the time is easy, it's comfortable but you need to push beyond that to change and grow. The choice is yours

    You can't blame giving up porn for your troubles - maybe were just numbing the pain with it.
    Billy B. and Fry2 like this.
  14. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

  15. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    Oh yes guys, it's all the same bullshit:

    "you need to push yourself" = I went from staying home all the time to live in a foreign country, alone, and having a job at Google. How many people can say to have accomplished the same in such a short amount of time?
    "you don't like yourself" = I know the scores of my colleagues at work and I'm among the best. I have occasional knowledges' tests and I'm always in the top 3. I receive so many compliments from friends, girls and colleagues that is objectively impossible to not consider myself a good person
    "you can't blame giving up porn" = then what else? Changing country? Having a girlfriend? The job? What else am I supposed to blame if all the changes I did after giving up porn are supposedly very positive ones?

    The only advice I agree with is Marstons' = biology. Perhaps my brain is biologically flawed and I'll never be truly happy, no matter what. Perhaps I actually am an human being that flourishes in being separated from people, instead than among them. Giving up PMO obviously messed with the chemicals in my brain and showed me my true self: a misanthropist. Perhaps my current pains are due to the frustration of not having become what everybody else here boasted about having become after leaving PMO behind. I speak of being more sociable, less social anxiety, more confidence etc. Perhaps PMO just prevented myself to understand that I'm not such a person and I'll never be. Perhaps I just have to accept this. Life sucks anyway.
  16. Fry2

    Fry2 Active Member

    Why don't you go back to porn?
  17. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    I don't have any desire for it. Just occasionally I think about it, but never with an urge nowadays. Going back to porn would be an effort now and what for? To be scared of people again? Perhaps not hating them but being more afraid?
  18. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    ...is there anyway you could find a meaning in the missery? ...or some kind of glory in the struggle? For me I call myself a warrior not because my life looks hard and difficult to others, infact they must think I have an easy life, but because I struggle with anhedonia, anxiety and feelings like I don't fit in on this planet and because every day is a struggle just to get by...a fight that I have to fight every single fucking day. So while other may have a big purpose like: trying to find a cure for cancer or saving the world from starvation my purpose in life is: to fight, becasue I'm a warrior and that's just what I do. Sucks? well yeah!
  19. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    What if you are a warrior struggling against something you can't beat? You keep fighting, honourably as much as you want, but in the end you never win, you never stop fighting, you never truly defeat your adversary. You may occasionally seem to win, score some victories but eventually you realize that there are still many battles ahead and the war is never ending, never truly giving you the pleasure to be on the winning side, the one that can rule in peace. You live a life of struggle.

    Is this the best I can aspire to live?
  20. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    It's tough man......it's tough.

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