Don't Count Days, Just Stay Off Porn & Masturbation

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by 40New30, Nov 26, 2013.

  1. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Just wanted to talk about this really briefly...so last night before I was completely dead asleep, when I was crossing over into dream town, my mind was absolutely flooded with memories from over my entire lifetime, jumping here and there and everywhere. Something I have not experienced, ever.

    Could it be my unconscious mind searching for old wires to connect to new wires? I like to think so.
     
  2. wecandothis

    wecandothis Member

    I think this shows that your post-O symptoms are porn related, this is what I needed to 'hear'.

    Personally I think that I might have some kind of light POIS(watery eyes and face redness), but I can live with that. It is the post O libido-erections decline that kills me,but I don't think that this could be POIS, I know that it wasn't always like this for me and this can't be normal.

    Actually it is hard to tell where POIS ends,or if I even suffer from it, and where porn related problems begin...time rebooting will tell. Such a weird,yet amazing rebooting is!
     
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  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    In my case, I know it's the rebooting. Why? Well because my brain is highly sensitive to P, easily addicted to it, and the effects were very rapid.

    I can deduce all that from looking back over my history with PMO, PME and MO.

    I MO'd all throughout my teens without internet P, because it didn't exist. Became sexually active quite late, but before high speed internet P (mid 90's), had I think one failure getting hard while drunk (maybe two), and then started having regular sex with my GF.

    Zero problems for years. Orgasmed as much as possible. (However I do not recall having morning wood a lot -- this was probably from over MO, in my view.)

    Zero problems with erections, zero problems with PE, all positions, never flagging erections. I did however, have exceptionally good control over my O's...because I was rubbing one out just about every day -- thought this was normal too. There was no build up of sexual tension...from the day I learning how to jerk off it was daily. (This is probably where the problem originally started...high propensity to sexual arousal.)

    Fast forward to dial up internet porn, used it for a year or two, no issues...however time spent PMO'ing definitely increased...A LOT. By the time I got modem connection the download speeds were plenty fast...but this was even before Tube sites...and I got addicted within well under a year.

    I would put this at about 1999/2000. Developed ED within 6 months...not total but I had maybe 4 failures with 4 different partners. Thought I was ill or depressed...it was devastating but I suffered in silence. You should have seen the blonde I failed with...a legit 9.

    I remember at that time I was driving home at lunch hour from work to PMO. I would O every time. It was only slightly later as I got ED and deeper into addiction that I became an edging guy. I developed ED from internet P within 6 months of fairly moderate usage (moderate by my later standards, 1 - 2 hours a day), at the age of about 26 or 27.

    Now I was a late bloomer with sex, you would think that my sex life would continue to be below average. Not so, my friends. Enter ED drugs and online dating...these two pillars racked up the notches on my belt and drove me deeper into the clutches of addiction....where I stayed for years and years.

    Each step down the spiral contributed to my fall -- heavy MO as teen, big sex drive, high speed porn, ED drugs, edging, online dating sites. All of this fried my natural reward system...but none of that matters now because I'm on my way to full recovery.
     
  4. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    Just here, cheering you on!
     
  5. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    thank you for your constancy in journaling. I come here often to witness your journey- you are a beacon lighting the path for the rest of us!

    My problem is no longer with PMO, it is with PME, and the P part of it doesn't even have to be P so it is more like _ME, or even just E.... I go through the constant struggles with it. I am better than I was before- much better, but I have a long way to go.
     
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yes you are!
     
  7. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    Hey 40- all well with you?

    Thanks for sharing that more detailed history. It is helpful to see how these things unfolded for other guys- and see the similarities between us.
     
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Thanks guys, I've been off here for a few days because of the Easter holiday and some traveling.

    I'll tell you what I feel totally flat today and have been sleeping a little more than is typical the last two nights, but the sleep seems to be needed (and deep).

    Part of the flatness is I'm doing a short juice fast and I'm off coffee, so it's not really all due to rebooting. Without a little external stimulation (coffee, tea) my motivation and focus isn't where it needs to be, that is the reality of this reboot at almost one year clean. I do not believe this will be the case at the end of year 2.

    I've had some strange bursts of libido, like the other day I was grocery shopping and I basically eye f*cked this woman walking by me, somewhat aggressively -- it just came out. Not like me. So, basically the libido is starting to come on in waves that are intense. My libido is trying to find a place to exert itself.

    I definitely feel like my reward system isn't back to 'normal'. But I do get more pleasure out of the little things, and my awareness is larger and keener, my personality is more social and at ease. But, it's a slow boil.
     
  9. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    I can relate to this. And 40's chat about prostate problems has got me thinking about how I can be a bit dribbly, wee-wise. It's weird cause I have no ED, and I can stop mid-stream, but often, once the thought or feeling that I need to piss comes, especially if I'm on the way to the dunny, I'll dribble. Or i'll dribble after I'm done. Often I feel like I'm busting and but my bladder is nowhere near full. Other times I can sleep all night and get up to a good 500 mil or so (so it's not a capacity issue). the Doc will likely put me on a waiting list to see a urologist, but hopefully things will improve now that I've a good six months away from all the edging.
     
  10. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    The juice fast continues, I fell asleep at 9, which is early for me and then also slept in. Definitely feel like the fast is reducing inflammation in my pelvis, so I'll probably do one of these each month. My nerves are a lot more calm...I've done this before so this is pretty typical.
     
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  11. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Had sex last night -- no O. I could have, so there was very little DE, but I chose not too. The dopamine buzz from the sex both inside my body and brain were at a higher level than last time and getting towards normal, in other words it felt good. :)

    I have to admit that despite many of the amazing improvements, I do still get bouts of fatigue and brain fog here and there (PAWs). It's much less than before though!

    One more positive, I started to get a spontaneous erection yesterday...haven't had one of those in a while. It was very odd because I'm still feeling a bit dead down there most of the time, so it was dead... yet growing. Bah ha.
     
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  12. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    In my understanding Karezza (the PIV part) is not like edging at all, as the man intentionally keeps from getting too het up, just moving enough to stay hard and that's it.
     
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  13. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    My friend told me about this Macha Tea (which I've yet to try) but apparently Zen Buddhists monks use it to help them meditate.
     
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  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I've been inside my wife and wondered if I was still hard yet. Each month more feeling awakens and my penis doesn't feel like it's a separate part of my anatomy. It's one reason why I'm very careful not to let her use her hand on me. When I read on YBOP that the body wires to the hand, that rang like a clarion bell. The quality of my O's is getting better too. For a long time the O was entirely anticlimactic.

    So, a spontaneous boner is excellent. :)

    I love Matcha tea. I particularly like it with vanilla added.
     
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  15. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Sometimes I feel like I need coffee, sometimes not...I cycle it. Green tea is something that I never run into problems with, and yes I've heard that about the macha tea.

    My dopamine and dopamine receptors aren't back to factory settings, or, I have some genetic low dope thing going on, or it's an infection (candida -- I do have that). After another 13 months clean (2 years), I'll know it's not rebooting PAWs causing symptoms anymore, I'll be able to check it off the list. :)

    It would make sense that I may have naturally low dopamine, or something like that, it could have more easily driven me towards the addiction. Don't know...finding out will be part of the adventure.
     
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  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Well I'm back on the coffee...I was just doing it during the juice fast, which lasted 3 days. It wasn't as refreshing as other ones...but I'm glad I did, I'm going to do some more in the future.
     
  17. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    In past reboots I experienced awakening even more strongly...but I have experienced this awakening (at times) over the past 11 months, especially the farther away I get from O's. I think what is going on is I've gone into longer and deeper flatlines as I've gone farther.

    So, in earlier reboots (when I felt awakening-dick-success at 3 or 5 months), this was only temporary success, a glimpse of what was to come permanently in the future. That's what the science seems to point to, and anecdotes.

    In my view there's nothing more frustrating than have libido spike and not feel like your dick is attached to your body. I got that just yesterday.
    And then I got spontaneous wood a few hours later.
    It's all over the map.

    It all makes sense though, our brains wired to being a sexual voyeur...so our brain doesn't make the connection that our dick is our dick.
    Insane.
     
  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Your thoughts on this, 40?
     
  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This!
     
  20. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I agree that karezza is muy bueno and essential for rewiring (for a lot of us)...but, those who have worn down their muscles and nerves through too much PMO/PME shouldn't use it at all. Those guys need to take a full rest from all sex until their inflammation goes down and their tissues heal. (I've been clean 340 whatever days, and I still have some physical imbalances.)

    For guys that have totally unwired from P and have zero muscle imbalances or pelvic pain, then karezza is perfect (it's like training wheels), especially for the first few months of intense rewiring where your brain needs to figure out what real sex is again.

    Once we're fully rebooted, we should all be able to O as much as possible (within reason, age, hormone levels, health), refractory period should be within a normal range.

    My pelvic issues, inflammation, and HF is worlds better now but not perfect...yet, good enough to do karezza a few times a week for about 15 minutes or so (anything more might to be much on my prostate/muscles/pelvic cavity to be totally honest, not sure, but it feels that way).

    My need for rewiring and karezza is super high at this point! As I said a few posts back, my brain doesn't realize that my dick is my dick (there aren't enough neurons along that pathway).

    My main problem right now isn't necessarily low dopamine levels or low dopamine receptors (though I'm sure that is still a problem), the bigger problem is my sexual circuitry still has tons of circuits/wires (though dormant) that point toward pixels, my hand, voyeurism, unreality.

    My brain doesn't quite understand where to get the reward...it needs to be trained and karezza is the safest way because O's won't blast my delicate circuits.
     

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