Don't Count Days, Just Stay Off Porn & Masturbation

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by 40New30, Nov 26, 2013.

  1. Libertad

    Libertad Active Member

    Well done, 40New30. You are truly a inspiration for me. Keep going.
     
  2. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    40New30,

    Congratulations! That's a big accomplishment, it's your hard fought accomplishment that gives a wretch like me a great hope that I can do it too!

    Rex

    .....
     
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Glad to be, but I'm nothing special.
     
  4. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    It is a big accomplishment, a bigger one will be 9 months, then 10 -- one foot in front of the other, left, right. All addicts are wretches at times, those who succeed with long streaks of abstinence are no different than any other addict, except for probably more experienced in fighting.
     
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I wish you guys could see into my head, the memories, trickles of old memories, it feels like my consciousness is expanding inside my skull...and yes the memories do seem to be working their way backwards in time, peeling away the onion layers one by one -- the brain science clearly discusses this phenomenon when it talks about neuroplasticity, which just makes this experience all the more real.

    The ground all around me is solidifying.

    Yesterday I had a couple of memories bubble up from grade school (elementary school). One was from a speech I gave to a full classroom in the 7th grade, it was spring, there was a girl in the audience who I thought was quite cute, my hands twitched, it was about elephants; the other was from much earlier on, probably 1st or 2nd grade, summer time, a school fundraiser, watching old reel to reel cartoons in the church basement.

    Rebooting is like waking up from a horrible nightmare in which you've been powerless, like you've been living in that dream where you can't move no matter how hard you struggle.

    Today I feel like I'm in a zone between waking up and deep sleep, things get brighter every week/month...time goes by and I see a little more of the outline of the real world, the world as it is -- not images on the cave wall.
     
  6. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    40new30,

    BRAVO! Very insightful! I have been having these types of thoughts during my recovery the last 2 weeks. I understand that PMO for many years rewires our brains the wrong way and I understand that a permanent reboot slowly rewires our brains the correct way until we eventually are back to a normally functioning brain. Reading your post has me now wondering if there are areas of the brain where old memories are stored which we lost due to PMO rewiring our brains the wrong way. And a recovery like yours where you have done 241 days free from PMO, your brain due to the healing process is now accessing areas which have been closed off to you due to PMO rewiring your brain in the past.

    Yesterday, I had a great day where my thoughts were lightning quick, my tongue didn't feel tied as it does most days, I was articulating perfectly during meetings at work, with a command presence. I had a day like that earlier in the week. Unfortunately the brain fog has returned today, my thoughts are somewhat foggy. I guess this is all about the recovery process. Some days I see the great benefits of being PMO free, other days the brain fog returns and I get withdrawal symptoms.

    Today is one of those rough days.

    Rex
     
  7. Fry2

    Fry2 Active Member

    Hi @40New30, what is your advice for someone early in recovery, between month 1 and 100 days? You know that time when things get thougher, withdrawls kick in and maybe also some disillusion. Thanks in advance.
     
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Thanks Rex, much appreciated...everything that we ever experience is stored inside our brains, what happened is that as a side effect of addiction our ability to access long term memories has greatly diminished. You're correct, we've lost neurons, synapses, white matter...tons of neural networks have atrophied like crazy. That is how addiction works.

    In addition we lost the ability to effectively plan for the future, we developed poor impulse control, and greatly lost the ability to concentrate -- these are all functions of the prefrontal cortex.

    Any addiction will 'temporarily damage' the prefrontal cortex and the limbic brain (the limbic brain is the part of the brain that is involved in memory retrieval...it's also involved in motivation, emotion, stress response, and so much more).

    I don't want to alarm you, but very early in a reboot I experienced that amazing brain functioning only to have it completely tank for weeks. Just be prepared for a lot of ups and downs.

    Personally, when I first rebooted I didn't hit withdrawals until about Day 21 or so (I had that awesome functioning brain that you're experiencing -- then I relapsed)...ALL my reboots after the first reboot (in 2013) I hit withdrawals right away on Day 1. Interesting...if only scientists were studying this.

    Every reboot is different, every brain is different.
     
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Fry2...I absolutely could not have made it without locking down all my devices and throwing away the key, I told my girl that I'm a porn addict and that I need her to lock down my devices with K9 on her email. I cannot have access...ever. Blocking all images online helps a shit ton in the first 2 - 3 months...it's easy to do.

    Why? Umm because there are sexy ads everywhere and our brain thinks those are porn. Why? Because it's on our laptop where we jerk off to porn, it's a major cue.

    I would block ALL P sub sites that you visit on K9 -- Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr, whatever you 'used'. You can unblock these after 120 to 150 days or so, 200 would be safer.

    In addition you must have a plan for when cravings hit, personally I call someone and get outside for a walk, it just plain works.

    One of the main triggers for PMO relapse is just being alone, relaxing and vegging out...because this is when we PMO'd so many times. Your brain tracks everything that leads to PMO.

    Now that is fucked up because when we're rebooting we absolutely require a lot of down time because our brains and bodies aren't functioning well, we need a lot more down time and sleep. Sometimes you need to veg and watch Netflix for 3 hours.

    My advice would be don't watch Netflix on your laptop, don't use your laptop for entertainment if you can...get the hell away from the device that you used for porn.

    Exercise and meditation every single day will insulate your nerves and allow you to get through the day with a clear head. And there are a lot of supplements that I take that definitely help, PM me for a run down if you would like. Or just read this journal, it's all on here somewhere.

    Sleep 8 to 9 hours per night.
     
    GottaChange76 likes this.
  10. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Just another day, feeling great...1000% better than when I was an active porn addict.
     
    Zippy likes this.
  11. Fry2

    Fry2 Active Member

    Thanks mate. I threw my computer and my TV out of my flat, so I guess that equals the effectiveness of a filter. To have a "media diet" may be useful, and daily exercise and meditation is spot on of course. The emergency plan what to do when the urges hit is an essential tool, yes. And without sufficient sleep you're just too vulnerable. Makes all perfect sense, thanks :)
     
    40New30 likes this.
  12. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You're going to make it. :)
     
  13. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I've had painful morning wood for about 7 - 8 days in a row, however my libido and erections during sex have been somewhat weak. Non-linear.
     
  14. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I have a few heroes in the world of rebooting, one of them is a guy named Fugu, he's a younger guy who successfully rebooted in 13/14. Anywho, last night I took the time to re-read parts of some of his posts on Reboot Nation, it has so many great insights and so much wisdom.

    It took him about one and half to two years to fully reboot, and he talks about really not gaining any traction in his reboot until Month 9 - 12; I suppose I liked reading it because I need encouragement when I'm not getting the full results that I want in this moment.

    That's also a big reason of why I journal here a lot, and helping others helps me too -- law of the universe.

    One more day to conquer ahead...
     
    Fry2 and GottaChange76 like this.
  15. GottaChange76

    GottaChange76 Member

    Bravo to you and Fugu for being strong as long as you guys have...I truly admire the resolve. Keep it going!!!
     
  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Thanks, man. I'm committed to the path for life.
     
  17. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Theories about D2 receptors and the social status they confer are all a bunch of bullshit until you start achieving the super powers (which aren't really super powers to begin with); however, for the sake of encouragement to others farther behind me on this path allow me to list the super powers that I've been getting lately:

    - You notice women noticing you...picking up on social cues you missed for years and years (this is an odd one)
    - You don't really care when women notice you, it feels natural..your nerves are settled and calm
    - When a women notices you it's EASY to look back and admire her too...if that makes sense...so strange that this can't be done as a PMO/MO addict, but it's the God's honest truth
    - You feel like you could...you just feel like you could...you could do that (confidence)
    - Goal planning and goal seeking become things you WANT to do
    - You look forward to cleaning up the messes that PMO caused in your life, ALL of them...they annoy you and you want them erased from your life, and then you just erase them
    - You care about your appearance A LOT more, it's kinda like going back to the 6th grade again
    - Shit gets done
    - More shit gets done in 6 hours than used to get done in 6 weeks, you knock stuff out
    - Rule shifting...when can't accomplish something right now, you easily move on to something else and get that done (I struggled with this for decades!), Gary Wilson's site talks about this in particular...getting this back is a function of gaining more control in the prefrontal cortex
    - You start to prioritize your time 1000% more
    - People who are low value or toxic begin to sink on your priority list...you don't get entangled with them as much
    - You connect on a much better level with friends and family
    - You care about your social status, even if you didn't care about it before...it doesn't come from a place of weakness though, it comes from a place of -- I can fucking do that, why not me?
    - Your head is clear as a bell
    - Your capacity for work increases x5 and keeps increasing
    - Don't need stimulants to concentrate
    - Don't need as many dopamine boosting supplements as I used to, and I can envision a day when I won't need any
    - Can read and read and read and retain and retain and retain...my mind doesn't jump around

    There a lot more that I could probably write, but that's a good start.

    I've caught glimpses of this since I started rebooting in 2013...but it's only really starting to gel at this point in the rebooting process -- at a full 8 months clean of PMO with no relapses.
     
    Lowdo and Fry2 like this.
  18. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    One other thing...I'm 2 weeks post orgasm today and in a huge flatline as far as libido and erection strength during sex are concerned. (Morning wood is every night.)

    I have social super powers but my dick is functioning at about 20% capacity...it's a totally non-linear ride, guys.
     
  19. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Total inspiration, 40! I'll take your advice and extens my clean-streak out a few more weeks before I challenge the cigs again, I think. In the meantime I'll start with coffee. Coffee is prolly the lesser of all these evils but, since I most often only have one a day I should get over it with minimal pain, One a day is not really a problem but I do feel as though I rely on it to get going and I want my energy levels to reflet my base-level physiology without all the spikes and troughs. I'm champing at the bit to get off the pot but that will have to wait a month or so, prolly.
     
    40New30 likes this.
  20. xburnerphonex

    xburnerphonex Member

    40new30, I just wanted to say that even if you come to a point at which you consider yourself a 100 percent cured, I hope you continue contributing to this forum. For every horror story on this site with weird issues, it's nice to see your reboot trucking along and giving advice regardless of age range.
     
    Billy B. and 40New30 like this.

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