Don't Count Days, Just Stay Off Porn & Masturbation

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by 40New30, Nov 26, 2013.

  1. Vegvisir

    Vegvisir Member

    Interesting. I haven't heard much about it, I'll look for it in your posts. That's a good point, 6 months feels much more manageable than 2 years. I've used highspeed from age 13-21(current) I was using high speed 5-15 times per week until I was 18. I discovered YBOP at 18 and for the past 3 years I've been PMOing 1-4x/month with intermittent binges. Currently on my best hard mode streak (33 days) - I've kind of always had a sense in the back of my mind if I'm ever going to relapse again.. Dare I say I'm quite confident I won't be full blown PMO relapsing again. Regardless, I need to stay vigilant, can't get cocky and be caught off guard.

    I must admit I haven't read too much of your early log, so I'm not too familiar with your history. Just how bad were you?
     
  2. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    :)!!!
     
    GottaChange76 likes this.
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    We all get a little cocky when we're doing well and we forget what's still inside our brains. Major stressors drive people back to addictions, often after many years sober, which is why we all need each other. Glad you're back!

    I'm interested in here about your addiction to massage parlors and the like...you need not post it publicly of course. What I am interested in is -- does that addiction give you the same symptoms as PMO? Erection problems? Does it sap your concentration/focus? Does it cause anxiety/depression symptoms? Does it take over too many hours of your life? I'm curious because I have a feeling as I heal from PMO I could be drawn into such things...it's a strong hunch. My sex drive (when normal) is very high.
     
  4. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    It's good to be confident, more important to just make a firm commitment that porn and masturbation are not options (ever). It's hard to describe how to get to that place, I guess it just takes hitting rock bottom, did in my case. I'd say rock bottom for me was about a year ago when I had binge relapsed during the holidays, the headaches were hell on earth.

    The times PMO'ing per month or week is a somewhat minor number to track. It is the time spent PMO'ing and the amount of time seeking/clicking, it's really the edging and clicking combined that drive dopamine sky high for hours on end.

    Therefore I would say the most important number in determining severity is the number of hours 'using' P per week...I can sadly report that I was up to 50+ hours per week at times, all my free time. I was very sick, but I, of course, forgive myself because I was living in ignorance. And forgiveness is a necessary component of getting better.
     
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Yeah man, it's getting to that point. It's fricking awesome!
     
  6. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    So I forget to mention, the day after I orgasmed I had sex with my wife again.

    That might seem like no big deal to normal cats...but when you're libido for non-novel partners is in the shitter for months on end that is utterly amazing. Not only that I'm starting to want sex more and more with her, the rewiring is kicking in basically.

    Sex actually feels great again, for a long time it almost felt like a chore...crazy at that sounds. I simply could not feel that buzz, now I do.
     
  7. 2BFree

    2BFree New Member

    Thank you. As time drags on, I'm learning that it's a moment by moment thing a lot of times. It will be tough for me in the coming days as I am working from home now. Still, I have to stay positive and determined.
     
  8. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Are you qualified to judge that yet? Remember, sex drive is not the same as appetite for porn.

    Sounds like you're doing great. I'd expect that if you overdo it, the buzz will wane until you recharge, the "Coolidge Effect". However a few days to recharge to get the buzz back is like nothing compared to your stints of hard mode to date!
     
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    It is absolutely moment by moment...and there is a moment when you still have a choice to say NO. There always is. PMO is choice.
     
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  10. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    As far as I can recall my energy for sex has always been really high, but you have a point.

    I'm doing the best I've ever done, but I am not recovered, not that I thought I would be at this point in time. Yes, I'm certain that I can easily over do it with too many O's at this stage of the game, which is why I'm limiting them until I don't get those negative effects. It could be a while until I reach that stage. I'm ready to take on whatever is necessary!
     
  11. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Too true!
     
  12. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    And that is aaaaawsome! :rolleyes:
     
  13. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    So, things are going really well in a lot of ways; I'm really taking life head on and my capabilities are expanding in all areas.

    Like a lot of guys here I used PMO to hide from life, that is fading, even if I must admit that it is a slow burn out. Notice it very subtly really. Things that used to bother me don't anymore...that doesn't happen all the time, but maybe half of the time, and then three quarters of the time, a few months later. Notice it, but on the fringes.

    I can take on more stress then ever, but the pattern is the same...slow, incremental improvements over time. It's both painful and exciting to realize that I'm far from finished.

    So many of my heroes on the forums have written that they noticed improvements over a long period of time, that gives me hope for the future...but not a blind hope because I too have experienced the long, slow improvements. It's not easy and we all want a quick fix.

    Sex. Another sex report -- I had sex again last night with my wife (no O). I actually wanted to have sex again, that makes three times in the last seven or eight days. Guys, I gotta tell you that that is unheard of in the last six months.

    My erection was like rock, and my wife O'd strongly.

    Unfortunately the buzz I got last week wasn't quite the buzz I got this week, if I had to put a number on it then I would say it was 70% less of a buzz. This is what? Four or five days post orgasm? So then, let's see how and when that buzz increases and then we just might have a good number for orgasm frequency. I certainly don't want to push it.

    I'm just still blown away by the fact that I had my first wet dream ever a few weeks ago. But also bummed that it was to a porn dream. I'm stoked that last week's sex and orgasm were extremely pleasurable, but bummed out that just a few days later sex doesn't have the same kick in my brain.

    In addition to rebooting, as I think I mentioned earlier I just quit a daily tobacco/caffeine habit that was fairly sizable. It's added a lot of stress the last few weeks, and I'm definitely 'snappy'. But you know what, those substances are addictive and after realizing what addictions do I just don't want anything addictive in my body. Alcohol and the very occasional marijuana romp, well, those aren't daily habits (not even close)...but maybe they will go too someday soon. Addiction just has no place in my life, I detest the mechanism down to my bones.

    I'm getting close to having finished 8 months without PMO, which is great, but I'm even more excited to see how things unfold as time marches on.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2017
  14. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    It only took 8 months. HA :)
     
  15. Fry2

    Fry2 Active Member

    Ha, same here. I don't see any necessity for any mind altering substances (and of course addictive behavior) in my life anymore, be it drugs, alcohol, tobacco, caffeine...

    Quit them all and not looking back. Took a few weeks or even months of course but now I 'm not missing it. On contrary I'm happier and feel more balanced, I like being freed from being slave to alcoholic drink or the daily cups of coffee or cigarettes. It's really fun nowadays to see colleagues rushing to the coffee machine (imo acutally a legal/offical/widely accepted drug dispenser) or to go smoking to get their fix evey hour or two. It's even more fun to watch how much they freak out when the coffee maker is broken haha. After work some go to the bar to gulp down a beer or two or five to cope with their lifes. Not saying that I'm better than anybody, I'm just happy I don't need that anymore. The last stronghold of the addiction I'm currently wrestling with is raffined sugar, another tough habbitforming if not addictive beast!
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2017
    40New30 likes this.
  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I totally hear you, Fry. Just the fact that the withdrawals are intense show us the big brain changes that are made by these chemicals that society deems are "OK". I'm feeling way, way more comfortable in my own skin right now, and I'm actually thinking more clearly and can focus just fine. I am 'snappy' at times, just ask the wife. Gotta ride it out.

    Was using caffeine/tobacco to jack up my dopamine during this damn long reboot, to focus better...but the reality is that it actually makes it harder to focus. I'm biting the bullet and getting this stuff out of my daily life.

    I know these seemingly innocuous substances are altering our brains a lot, I feel different already.
     
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  17. 2BFree

    2BFree New Member

    I need to quit smoking too. I know now that it was a way to heighten the dopamine rush. Kind of crazy.
     
  18. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Quitting all addictions will make quitting PMO easier in the long run, but trying to quit all addictions at once is a recipe for disaster! You're brain and emotion can't handle that type of stress.

    I used to smoke cigarettes and weed (when I had it) while I PMO'd..so awful.

    Just stay off PMO and when you feel the withdrawals from that subsiding then I would take on cigarettes or whatever else. :)
     
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Thanks, bro. It is an amazing transformation that I've gone through and am still going through...I've got at least another 8 months to go I would wager.

    You should absolutely focus on what your life will be like in a a year, when your wood is absolutely unstoppable...let that drive you and keep you focused.

    Fugu was the guy that turned me on to the idea of spacing out O's too...right now I'm just going to only O when I can't hold it back. So, my goal is to not O at all, but if it happens just let it happen. The fact is I still suffer from DE more often than not so I reckon that I will be O'ing very little. But that's OK, it's better than way.

    I just read Gabe's journal again last night, absolutely fascinating read. He said he only orgasmed about 10 times from Month 9 to Month 15. In addition he said that his refractory period was several hours at Month 9, 45 minutes at Month 12 and just a few minutes at Month 15.

    So, each man has to adjust his O schedule based on observation rather than just saying I'll O once a month. It matters how you feel after the O..and after this O I felt like shit for at least a few days. But, I was also seriously jet lagged and quitting two very addictive substances and I believe that these stressors made the O's symptoms stronger.

    When I O'd in late 2014, so about 2 years ago...this was after being clean for a long, long time, I only had negative effects for a few days, maybe even just one day. I figure I'm back to that stage of rebooting...which felt like a great place.

    Night wood the last two nights has been hard, painfully hard. Just as an aside.

    There are going to be a lot of breakthroughs and major improvements coming in the next few months. I'm excited.
     
  20. 2BFree

    2BFree New Member

    Good point. As the days go by my no PMO, I sense the lessening of a desire to light up. Like you said, when the time is right I can attack the cigarettes.
     

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