Day 1. THE BACKGROUND I am 17 years old, in one week I will be 18. Adult. Fuck. That shit is scary and its the kinda thing that really shocks you into sorting your life out properly, so that's what I'm trying to do. Its hard to remember when i started to watch porn, it seems to have always been there, but i know i was very young. Maybe like 9? to begin with it was just searching for photos of naked women on google images out of childhood curiosity, but by age 11-12 i was watching porn. I can still remember the first time i masturbated, and i was definitely still in primary school so 11 or younger. anyways theres the background, been trying to stop on and off since like 14 but only with short spells of actual motivation, longest i've gone is probably like 10 days. but i'm here now. THE VISION I live in the uk, i'm in second year of sixth form college (not like american college), and seeing as the whole point of this journal is to be honest with ourselves, i'm pretty academically gifted. my whole vision and motivation for quitting porn is to live out my potential, because being clever is a gift most people waste and i will not do that. i'm applying to university, and the university i want to go to is Cambridge, to study economics. to get in i need to take an entrance exam (2nd nov) and go to an interview (early dec) if they offer me one. interviews require confidence and the clarity to communicate ideas, which i need to build, so i want to build confidence. obviously i want to build my confidence for general reasons as well, to relate to people better. so getting into a good university is the first part of my motivation. in a week i see myself having sent off my university applications in a month i see myself acing the entrance exam. in two months i see myself acing the interview. in three months i see myself getting a letter, whether i get a place or not is less important than whether i feel i gave it my all, and if i don't feel i've given it my all the reason will be i spent too much time on pmo and not enough time reading up. in a year, i'll be at university, wherever i end up going. i see myself armed with the social skills and clarity of mind to make friends and work hard, ill be exercising regularly and having the time of my life. in four years, ill have graduated with a first class degree, and from then on ill devote my skills to whatever i think will have a positive impact on the world. cliche i know. i wont lie, i care about the money, but i dont want to be a billionaire. that said, i'd like to live in london when i'm older, that shit is expensive, and by getting a good degree i can get the paycheque to cover it. so theres the main motivation and vision other parts of my vision feature my skin clearing tf up! its not awful, but its noticeable acne and it makes me kinda depressed and contributes to a small lack of confidence, not to mention clear skin is pretty and ill feel better in myself. also featuring is a healthy relationship with friends, which i already have, but theres always room for improvement and growth. i also want to exercise more, and get a slightly better body, i'm not bothered about being big and muscular, its not my style, but i'm really really skinny as i am and its a bit abnormal. i'm cool with it, but it would also be cool to be a bit more filled out, and exercise is good for you anyways. i'm not gonna be doing all that gym shit, il be swimming and walking, maybe some press ups and home work outs, but i'm not tryna get bulky anyway, hopefully by doing whatever exercise makes me happy my body will naturally improve. swimming is the best one, i love it, you cant sweat when you swim, and your using your whole body. i also want to make more time to watch all the films a man should watch, and get a comprehensive knowledge and understanding of film. anything else. hmmm. gonna go to the toilet and think and then come back and write some more of this vision, i'm on a roll. obvious obligatory aim of being closer to girls in a romantic way is a given. i interact with girls all the time, but they all see me as a friend which i'm cool with because the kind of girls i'm friends with aren't my romantic type. i guess i need to talk to girls i wouldn't normally hang with , maybe see if i can flirt instead of chat how i normally do to gals. think thats mostly it. THE URGENCY well its urgent because i'll have a university interview in two months. its urgent because i'm almost 18 and my adult life has to belong to me. its urgent because ill be moving out in a year and i want to spend time with my parents (divorced when i was one, i'm cool with it) before i move out. dads 61 and you know anything can happen nothing is certain so i want to spend as much time as i can with him. friend of mines dad died a year ago from cancer in his early 50s, so i know now how lucky i am to still have both my parents. its urgent because i need to experience the real world and real women asap, i've wasted so many opportunities in my time... a year ago i knew for a fact a girl from school had liked me for like two years but i never had the balls to ask her out, it wont happen again. its urgent because if i don't get into the habit of exercising when i am young, i might never do it. its urgent because the best way to fulfil my dream of living in london can be best achieved by getting the world class degree i'm aiming for. so yeah its urgent. gotta ace that interview, gotta get clear skin to look like an adult not an 18 year old 12 year old. gotta spend time with family. gotta watch films, read books, connect with people, get into nature. THE PLAN how am i gonna do it? (open to suggestions on this part, what works for you folks?) i will go on a 20min+ walk and experience nature every day (walking to college doesn't count) meditate for 10 mins each morning and evening write in this journal or a handwritten one every day or near enough, 3-5 times a week is good read read read and read books, articles, fiction, non fiction, whatever films, watch some of them e.x.e.r.c.i.s.e!!! swimming, twice a week at least, push ups, leg exercises, abs stuff on days where i dont swim. work in the library mon-fri as hard as i can to ace my A levels cold showers? heard about them... do they work? i always just waste 5 mins trying to shower cold but then end up turning it warm sleep enough, try to get 9 hrs a night, 10-11pm until 7-8 am drink plenty of water! hydration = brain clarity spend less time on my phone, i think in the house ill have like an 'anchor point' for my phone where it doesnt leave a few meters from a certain spot, ill put this anchor downstairs in the middle room so i cant fap (mostly i fap using my phone to watch stuff, by keeping it in the middle room i cant do that and ill realise when i am and hopefully stop myself) write to do lists! ensuring i dont put too much on and allowing time for big breaks, otherwise i wont do any of it and just pmo instead. as i said any other suggestions would be useful well that was a long post, good. feel really good after writing that. be back for day 2 or 3. now decided to commit to no capitals, it's unnecessary effort. nice to meet you, daily log, see you soon.