Core life advice

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Greengrasshere, Sep 8, 2015.

  1. Hi guys,

    I've been on and off these forums for something like 2 years now. I'd imagine that not many people know me and very few know my story. In essence I've gone through the same basic PMO addiction as most guys here. I overcame it via some unorthodox means especially at the time that i was doing them.

    The point of this topic is for me to share some of the things I've learnt through my journey of improving myself. It will be a topic that focuses on the things which i think people need to focus on to achieve their true potential. Not necessarily anything to do with PMO directly.

    I am on this journey the same as everyone else. I'm not sharing advice because i think i'm "successful", i'm sharing advice because the things i have learnt are things that are at the core of our existence. Shared by people that are successful in much more meaningful ways than having lots of money.

    I'll try to write one topic every few days or so, see if anyone responds and go from there.

    Oh and to UD and FUGU, there is no place to really post such a topic so i thought this was most appropriate. Feel free to move it.

    A few points about what i'm writing:

    1. Most of these subjects work alone to help address the way we perceive ourselves. They will also work together to help form a strong world view that will allow you to become your true self.

    2. Every idea is from a book, an article or expert in a certain field. I don't claim to have created any of them. I am simply sharing ideas that i've found helpful.

    3. Please reply with constructive comments. Tell me if they've helped you or what you think about them.
  2. The beginnings of changing your life

    First off i want to say why i’m writing this and why i think it can help. I’m writing this because we all need help to see the amazing things we have in our lives and the potential ahead of us. I don’t say any of this as though i am an expert or that i’ve achieved any of the following. I’m struggling to follow the things that i’ve learnt but i also think they are extremely valuable ideas. They’ve helped me a lot, regardless of how little my life has changed on the outside. All human problems reside on the inside, and i’m aiming to build a strong foundation first. Most of it is logical, some of it may be confusing or seemingly contradictory and other parts are meant to be “taken with a grain of salt”, to be interpreted in a way that helps you. Please keep your mind open to how this can benefit you. Be critical of what you read, adopt what you like and discard what you don’t. But first be flexible with changing the way you see things. Changing the way you see or perceive is the key to all this.

    Me, you and the vast majority of people are clueless as to why we are here and how we should best be spending the time we have. We are pushed around from pillar to post by pure circumstance without any real input into where our lives are headed. The paradigms which we as individuals developed through childhood are as you know, biased. Biased by our families, media and the experiences we encounter as immature, unaware and mostly unconscious beings. Our family tries to instil in us the paradigms which they feel will best help us. Sometimes, those paradigms are harmful, sometimes they are helpful. Either way we should realise they can only pass on what they themselves have been taught in their upbringing.

    There are very few people that are lucky enough to have developed paradigms which are beneficial to them from early childhood right through to adulthood. These fortunate people have a way of thinking and perceiving the world differently from the average person and this ultimately leads to a more contented happy life than one based on flawed paradigms. Thats not to say they don’t have struggles and are never sad or depressed. It is to say they face these situations in ways that mean they will make the most out of a tough situation and are more content with things already in their lives.

    For the 99% of us who weren’t so lucky, we either continue using unhelpful paradigms or we learn new, more helpful ones in adulthood. We can change our old “operating system” from windows 7 to the latest personally customised Unix operating system. These changes to our OS can be done through a variety of ways. Some techniques are ancient like meditation, others like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT which can be done alone or with a therapist of some kind) were developed only 30 years ago. Other ways to change our brain chemistry are typically things which have been seen as healthy lifestyle changes like regular exercise, healthy foods and socialising. One way to think about what can improve our lives is to simply think about it from a human evolutionary standpoint. Any modern aspect of our lives that contradicts a typical prehistoric life is more than likely, unhealthy. Too much sitting down, not enough sunlight, not enough vegetables, too much processed food, not enough socialising, not enough exercise, sitting down too much, attempting to do too many things at once, etc, etc, etc. The further we move away from the lifestyle our ancestors had for essentially millions of years the worse our mental and physical health becomes.

    The genes we inherit, which is essentially 50% from our father and 50% from our mother are sometimes blamed for having an extremely strong influence on certain behaviours. Scientists have pinned genes for nearly every human behaviour from addictions to obesity. Regardless, we should all realise that genes only encode cells to behave in a certain way. The way in which a cell or type of cell behaves is more often than not easily influenced or COUNTERACTED by other behaviours. What i’m trying to say is that our genes do not define us by any stretch. If we have a gene that predisposes us to a “35% chance of getting heart disease” it is most likely that we can take actions that will make the possession of this gene irrelevant.

    A persons mental health is dependant on a few things including both “nurture” factors like family, friends, experiences and nature factors like genes. As far as “nurture” factors go, the paradigms we develop as children, influenced by family, friends and the larger media community (news, movies, tv etc). All this unhelpful influence/brainwashing could be circumvented mostly with some helpful advice from adults. But, for the most part even adults lack the knowledge to advise anyone on how to think “better”.

    This is where positive psychology comes in. Essentially it is the OPPOSITE of traditional western psychology, in that rather than understanding what makes people develop mental health issues it seeks to understand what makes people “happy”. Happy as in content humans. People that are able to, or are aiming to function to the best of their ability.

    What i’m trying to say is that if you want a life you’re happy with you need to invest energy into it everyday. The more energy you invest into positive things the more you will “get back”. This is NOT “the secret”. These ways of thinking are as a result of studying the human psyche for many many millennia by some of the smartest, wisest and most humble people to have ever existed. Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism aim to understand the human mind and “spirit” and have been joined by western science to deepen the understanding of ourselves in the last 30 years or so. There isn’t necessarily anything mystical or unscientific about it. Metaphysics, parapsychology, simply attempt to explain things about us which seem to be beyond our own comprehension. The eastern cultures understood a substantial amount of human existence, it’s just that they didn’t have technology to analyse and experiment. So they simply used trial and error over thousands of generations to get to a point where no religion nor drug can compare to their practices to relieve us of unnecessary pain and suffering.
  3. Perception is reality

    This paradigm is a key gateway to personal growth and contentedness. The realisation that the universe exists only in our mind is something which can take a bit of loosening of the strings that hold together our long held beliefs. For the most part our reality is a result of the mass consciousness of our civilisations (illuminati? ehh kinda).

    Every sensory input, every sound, light particle, touch etc that we experience is part of our perception of reality. Perceptions that are based on all of the previous sensory inputs we experienced since (and before?) birth. Those sensory inputs gradually formed paradigms that we used as shortcut references for future inputs. When someone speaks to us in a certain tone, we react in a certain way in return. When someone says something that we’ve previously associated with being confrontational, our subconscious brains have started sending signals throughout our body to react in a way “we” think is appropriate even before we are conscious of our reaction. We might react with a loud deep voice and an angry tone. Our body language changes to intimidate and our brains have been pumped with adrenaline initiated by signals from one of the most primal parts of the brain called the amygdala. This kind of action without thinking is what causes addicts to look back at their actions in total disbelief. "I wasn't myself". The truth is it was you, just not the part of YOU, you consciously have control over.

    The key idea behind the paradigm of “perception is reality” is that through our frontal cortex (our conscious) we can learn to over-ride our instinctive, often unhelpful perceptions of reality (our subconscious). Eventually, over months and years of consciously “reframing” situations by using our conscious these will start to replace our old harmful instinctive reactions with the new helpful instinctive reactions.

    In an audio book called “the happiness hypotheses” Jonathan Haidt uses the metaphor of the subconscious being a large grey elephant and the conscious being the rider of the elephant. If the rider is “weak” and doesn’t practice his skills the elephant will do what it wants. It will trample the ground and terrorise the village. But if he practices and consistently trains himself then he can “control” or manipulate the elephant (to a point) and use it to do great things. He can work with it to plow the soil and build houses. He will also understand when it is best to let go of the reigns and let the Elephant do what it does best.

    In the happiness hypothesis he suggests training the rider by using a mix of any three highly effective methods of meditation, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and SSRI’s. SSRI’s are a mixed bag for a lot of people. But both meditation and CBT are effective for EVERYONE should they be committed to using them.
  4. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

  5. @wojtekoxx, that's great. I hope you can find some of this helpful.

    To anyone reading these posts, if it's not clear from what i've written already or from the title "Core life advice", this is knowledge that is meant to form the foundation of your existence. It lays beneath your personality, beneath how others perceive you, beneath modern societies brainwashing. It is meant to address our humanness and bring out your true character and spirit.

    Forgiving your past

    This is essential for nearly everyone, but most people don’t acknowledge let alone rectify their past troubles. Everyones past is unique and therefore relative to the entire context of their own life and perceptions.

    A key aspect of forgiving your past is realising that what’s done is done and the best thing to do is to learn from it. Tibetan monks apparently have the belief that whatever happens it is their responsibility. And while for some peoples pasts this may be totally unfair and inexcusable (i.e someone who’s trying to take charge of their life but has experienced things outside of a child’s awareness, e.g sexual or physical abuse) it can never-the-less be empowering and does not have to be a negative perspective that they are responsible for those events. It simply remains with the paradigms “whats done is done”, “all that exists is the present”, “you can’t change your past, but you can let go and change your future” to empower the person to learn from those events and understand why they occurred and what could have been done by themselves and the other people involved to get a better outcome.

    Where possible, the person should try to look for aspects of their issues that they are responsible for as well as why the people who they blame for their troubles may have acted the way they did. Were they actually just trying to help? Did they know any better? Did the same thing happen to them? Did they have a choice? And whatever other questions can be answered to understand the situation. As an adult with experience and hindsight we are much more capable of understanding the situations for what they were. We look back for the first time and question our views of our past only to see our immature selves acting irresponsibly or stupidly as much as anyone else involved in that situation. That’s not to say we should have done anything differently, the past is the past and there is no point wishing it were different. The two main reasons we should think about the past is to enjoy fond memories and to learn from past experience. Any anguish brought up by the past is wasted for it is something that only exists in your mind.

    For myself i needed to forgive myself for what i perceived as at least 15 years of my life wasted. My mid teens onwards were mostly a blur. I was in a blur of nothingness simply burning time without any conscious input into my life, possibly in and out of some kind of depression. (As a side note, the vast majority of chronic mental health issues develop at the age of 14 or so). Fast forward to me turning 30 and i’ve gone through the process of understanding the reasons behind my actions (or lack thereof) for those 15 years. They now serve as a strong motivator to live my life as well as i can manage.
    Being able to subjectively look at your past and break it down can be done with tools like meditation, a psychologist, CBT, just a pen and paper, or all four.

    This way of thinking can be one of the main factors in living a happy life.
  6. The core human right

    The core human right is to be happy. You must understand that you have as much right to be happy as much as anyone else on earth, but no more right than anyone else. It’s a simple idea, but how many people believe it? This doesn’t mean that we always feel great. Happy in this regard means to be content and satisfied with your life at the time. But being content and satisfied doesn't mean you stop trying to be more content, satisfied and happier.

    This paradigm means nothing if the person doesn’t seek out happiness by understanding what makes them happy and striving for it. This is essentially achieved by being alert to what makes you happy on a level greater than your favourite game, tv show, website, food. It needs to be on a level of long term contentedness through things such as family, friends, hobbies, work, love, sex.
    The four main pillars of a persons life are health, wealth, love and spirituality. To everyone they mean something different, but everyone must pay attention to each pillar or they will eventually and unavoidably face difficulties in that area.

    Typically most people have a subconscious level at which they try to maintain a minimum level of happiness. This level is basically related to the amount of “happiness” that they think they deserve, no more, no less. This level has been arrived at in the subconscious through their past experiences and their character type. Most people will have periods where they work hard on different life pillars such as health, wealth or love until it reaches the maximum level they subconsciously think they deserve, say 50%. When it reaches 50% they will self sabotage until it reaches the minimum level they think they deserve, say 20%. This yo-yoing effect does nothing but waste time and energy.

    What people need to do is minimise the fluctuations by consistently addressing all pillars of your life. That’s not to say that unwanted things will never happen, but more to say that being ignorant of your future direction of that “pillar” is one of the worst things you can do. Being ignorant of your health, wealth, love, spiritual “pillars” will only lead to an accelerating decline which you will eventually have to address should you want to maintain a quality of life.

    Someone who addresses the needs of their “pillars” in accordance with their goals does NOT, of course, always achieve absolute happiness. Instead, their happiness “chart” tends to be a much smoother wave pattern instead of the steep valleys and troughs seen of people who aren’t actively working on their goals. The turnaround from their low point is also in response to a conscious decision to improve. Whereas most people are often forced to turn things around due to outside circumstances.

    Sometimes peoples subconscious will desire to reach the minimal happiness level so that they have incentive to achieve something. The old cliche “i’ve hit rock bottom” is usually followed by a new found depression and a strong instinctive desire to improve their situation. Whether that rock bottom is related to a serious drug addiction, or maybe a financial decline, usually the persons instinct is to invest new amounts of energy into reversing the situation.

    But why do we let it come to this? Are things too easy these days? Does the fact that our basic needs of food, shelter and sex (sometimes not even real sex, a.k.a porn) place emphasis on other manmade struggles. Are our addictions of food, sex, amphetamines, caffeine, violence, porn, games, tv, gambling, filling a void left behind by the prehistoric “struggle to survive”?
    I think it is but i don’t think it needs to be a certainty. I think this is the result of giving in to the “elephant”, aka our subconscious, instead of training our rider to be the elephants master and friend.

    Everyone has the right to be happy. But very few people realise they have the right and need to invest time and energy for it.
  7. Giuseppe Garibaldi

    Giuseppe Garibaldi [url=

    Thank you for sharing,man.

    A question: How to "upgrade" the level of happiness we feel to deserve?
  8. Newnes

    Newnes Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's very interesting. I totally agree with the "beginnings of changing your life", the importance of living in accordance with our human nature (which hasn't evolved as quickly as our society) and positive psychology. Positive psychology, for me, is just how to take care of our mind without regard to specific conditions. Daily meditation, gratitude, kindness, standing tall, doing exercise - all those are good for people who are mentally ill, mentally unstable, mentally "normal" and mentally very healthy. It fits everyone, basically. Because it answers human needs, and reduce stress which increase all troubles.

    About the "perception is reality" thing however, though I agree that CBT can do wonders (and pairs greatly with meditation), I think that you can't trick your mind consciously without specific tools. You didn't say the opposite, but it's worth mentioning that all tools aren't equally powerful. Some find affirmations to be helpful, but some also say that affirmations can backfire - if you tell yourself something you think is wrong, over and over, your mind can finally "revolt".

    I couldn't agree more without the forgiving one's past thing. Also, forgiving others is very important - or better yet, finding that there's nothing to forgive, because every other people have given us more than they took from us, even when it is hard to admit it. It's been very important for me to go through this.

    I'm not sure about your conclusion about the core human right, though. Yes, we all do deserve to be happy; have four pillars to sustain it; and an unsconscious "baseline level" towards which we pull with a yo-yo effect. However, I don't think our conscious (the rider) can master our instinct (the elephant - subconscious). The subconscious is just that, subconscious - unless you do some deep meditation / long therapy (I'm talking longer than CBT here), you won't be able to access it. It seems to me that it's a better idea to create a fertile soil so that the subconscious will become our friend - not our servant, but to make its natural pull go towards what will make us happier. What you describe in the "beginnings of changing your life" (positive psychology) would make such a fertile soil. And meditation/therapy are great at cementing the benefits of positive psychology, of making the subconscious becoming our friend.

    By making our subconscious becoming our friend - by being consistent on working on our four pillars (health, wealth, love and spirituality). This is where positive psychology kicks in.
  9. @Newnes, yes we agree. But I don’t know that i said or implied mastery of the subconscious “It will trample the ground and terrorise the village. But if he practices and consistently trains himself then he can “control” or manipulate the elephant (to a point) and use it to do great things.”

    These paradigms aren't meant to stand up to hard and fast philosophical discussion or critical thinking. They are vague paradigms in which we can use them to help model our world. If the way i explain them doesn’t suit someone then they are free to adjust the idea to their liking in a way that benefits them most. Just as you read them Newnes and felt slightly uneasy with some of my points and tweaked them to suit yourself.

    @Giuseppe, it’s not a straightforward answer. One of the core ways to improve your “baseline” happiness level is to first acknowledge that you deserve to be as happy as anyone else. This is addressed to people that feel sub-par, inferior, losers. The kind of people that have been out of a serious relationship for a decade and think that they aren’t good enough to deserve someone they find attractive. Or the kind of people that think they can never achieve financial security for whatever reason. Remember that these examples are expressions of subconscious paradigms that people adhere to, but don’t question or address.

    So #1: believe that you deserve happiness like everyone else deserves happiness.

    Another key aspect is to set goals. Each “pillar” of health wealth, love and spirituality has levels of achievement. Some people ignore health entirely and so that is already a huge blow to their perceived minimum or average level of happiness.

    Say that you come up with the idea that at least part of your happiness is reliant on achieving a financial goal (because this will allow you to do xyz, feed the poor, put your kids into college etc). Say that you’re 35 years old with a young family, a mortgage and a job that pays “only” $40’000/yr. In this situation there are negative consequences as a result of your income (stress, health, arguments with spouse etc). Most people inherently have their earning potential at whatever they currently earn or slightly above. They won’t say that i have the potential to earn $100’000/yr or $500’000/yr.

    The idea is that by subconsciously limiting your potential in any one pillar you limit both your action to achieve more in that life pillar and your ability to perceive opportunities (if you don’t believe it then you won’t perceive it because your RAS (Reticular Activation System) won’t be scanning for relevant information).

    Personally i wouldn’t suggest setting unrealistic goals. You need to set goals that are slightly above what you NEED to achieve and then once you achieve them set another goal that will improve your happiness.

    Believing you can become as enlightened as the Dalai Lama in a year is unrealistic and doesn’t help. But setting a realistic goal such as "i will increase my enlightenment/consciousness to the point where i reduce my stress, i am happier and can affect others to be happier."

    #2: Set goals

    Next is a quickie, keep moving the goals forward. I think i need to stress that this does not become some psychopathic drive to be perfect. You already are perfect. It is not some psychopathic drive to be a slave to the consumer world. IT IS a drive to be happier. If you set a goal and it takes 10 years to achieve it thats fine! Why? Because you can be happy just being alive. You are conscious matter.

    #3 achieve a goal and then move it forward

    I bet most of you are like "WHAT THE FUCK..conscious matter?!". But yeh, you can learn to appreciate life itself and then EVERYTHING else is a bonus.
  10. Giuseppe Garibaldi

    Giuseppe Garibaldi [url=

    Thank you guys!
  11. Always do your best

    This is an easy one, always do your best. It doesn’t mean that you read for 5 hours everyday, exercise for 3 hours everyday, meditate for 5 hours everyday, eat only organic vegetables touched by god. It simply means that whatever the circumstances be, to always do your best. When you’re sick, do your best. When you’re depressed, do your best. When you’re happy, do your best. When you’re tired, do your best. When you’re facing a challenge you don’t think you can deal with, do your best. If you do that, you will find happiness.

    I'd had this paradigm internalised for quite a while, but i heard it phrased in a certain way that struck a cord in a truly amazing audio book called "the four agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz which i listen to every month or so and i strongly suggest people check it out and see if it's for them.
  12. The Elephant and the Rider

    As i said earlier, this is a metaphor put forward in “the happiness hypothesis”. The author refers to the elephant as a persons subconscious and the rider as a persons conscious. Furthermore these can be related as: elephant=subconscious=hypothalamus=pre-human brain. Rider: conscious=pre-frontal cortex=human brain.

    Realising that we do things that we are not consciously aware of and things that we do not necessarily consciously want to do, is important. Questions like “why am i so lazy?”, “why do i do the very thing which i promise not to do?”, “where the fuck did that anger come from?” can be answered by a basic understanding of these two parts of the brain and how they interact.
    The subconscious brain is an extremely powerful data processing machine. In terms of bits per second it is said to be able to process between 20 and 40 million bps.

    Compare this to the conscious pre-frontal cortexes processing power of at most 40bps (some say only 14bps!). Of course there are differences in the type of information that is processed and the “answers” they create. However the sheer power of the subconscious mind is to be respected. Challenge this beast head on and you will lose. The rider must sing and dance to get the elephant to listen to him and even then the elephant may still trample him. He must also train himself to be strong, agile, alert and intelligent. We can train our riders through meditation, problem solving, practicing being focussed on one task at a time, good nutrition, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, reading good books, simply being aware of your thoughts and many other positive habits.

    The elephant too can be trained to some extent. At first the rider can attempt to direct the elephant through sheer will and determination to perform the desired subconscious actions and after a while (months) the elephant will do these without thinking. This is in respect to certain tasks (aka getting up at a certain time, eating habits etc).

    In the real world this could mean that a person would like to swap the subconscious habit of eating too much junk food (something driven by evolution) for a subconscious habit of eating healthy whole foods. To do this they could consciously over-ride the desire to eat junk food using various tricks (such as keeping your goals in mind) until it becomes second nature to go for the apple instead of the chocolate bar. However the “pathways” for the old “i want energy dense foods to survive the winter” paradigm are always there and will be reignited if they are re-lit a few too many times in quick succession.

    You might have noticed that i'm avoiding relating these ideas back to PMO addiction. I'm doing this because these ideas can be related to all aspects of your life. PMO is one tiny aspect that has had a large negative impact and these are small ideas that can also have a large impact except this time it will be a positive one.

    I'm also addressing these paradigms in a very basic way for two reasons. Firstly is because most people won't even read the small amount i've written. And secondly that if you find these paradigms to be helpful then you should be seeking out experts who've written books about them as they can show you the whole painting and not just my highly pixelated version.
  13. If there's anyone that's been reading these posts would you be kind enough to give me some feed back. I'd like to know if my writing style is making sense to other people. It makes sense in my head and im trying to be as clear and honest as i can be. But i'm not sure if what i'm writing is descriptive enough for someone who isn't use to reading this kind of material.

    I'm worried that i'm not expressing the benefits of these paradigms fully. Having said that, the benefits should become more clear as i complete more and more posts.
  14. This will be my last post for a while. I'd been wanting to write these posts for a long time and never expected there to be much of a response on this forum so i was right about that. What i was wrong about was that i would right them regardless of if anyone responded positively. Without feedback i have no motivation to write these out unfortunately.

    It seems like people are happy with their inner workings and only need advice on how to stop PMOing. Maybe more people would have responded if it was titled "The secret paradigms that made me stop PMOing, recover from PIED, travel to South America, quit my job, find a new one and make peace with the death of my father all in 1 year!!!!"

    Enjoy ;)

    The most important resources on earth, energy and time.

    It’s kind of a self explanatory paradigm. Some people look at this in a negative light, but in reality it can solve a lot of problems that plague our modern societies.
    When you realise that yes, time and energy are our most precious resources it causes you to look at what you “spend” your time and energy doing. “Do i really want to spend my time playing candy crush saga? What else could i be doing…where should i “invest my time and energy?”
    The true answers to these questions come only if you’ve reflected sufficiently on the direction you want to take your life. What would you do if you had the time, energy and knowledge to achieve anything you wanted. What are your personal goals? What are your goals for your family and friends?
    A thought that has helped me quite a bit is “what would the man i want to be, be doing right now?” Yeh it’s cheesy, but it works. Sometimes i turn it around and pretend that i’m my 90 year old self travelled back in time! If i were my 90 year old self with all the experience, knowledge and heartache but had been able to travel back in time to this point to give my younger self advice, what would i say? I think it would basically be along the lines of “Appreciate your youth. You think you’re old at 30?! Man what i would do if i were in your shoes! Appreciate your family, spend time and energy with them, show them respect and love. Go out there and find a girl, you’ve missed out on so much you need to live your own life! And young Greengrass, never forget that time is a limited resource but you have been given enough of it to do whatever you want.” Haha some shit like that.

    Be selective with your time and energy. Don’t waste it on things that don’t improve your life in some way.
  15. rabbit.

    rabbit. Member

    I've found that people on here do read longer posts, but you need to give them a bit more time to let it sink in, and not overwhelm them with several long posts in a row, especially on these like deeper topics. Like, I wouldn't even know where to start responding to this thread. Even just reading all of it is a bit much now for someone new and by putting out new content so quickly, you're kind of killing any discussion that could start from previous posts.

    But this caught my eye:
    "These paradigms aren't meant to stand up to hard and fast philosophical discussion or critical thinking. They are vague paradigms in which we can use them to help model our world. If the way i explain them doesn’t suit someone then they are free to adjust the idea to their liking in a way that benefits them most. Just as you read them Newnes and felt slightly uneasy with some of my points and tweaked them to suit yourself."

    What do you mean by this? If this means that what you're presenting doesn't make rational sense and has logical holes, then what is the benefit of those paradigms? Shouldn't the point be to discover paradigms that you can't tweak in any way you want, which means that they basically just confirm your bias and your existing way of viewing the world?
  16. Hey Rabbit, thanks for the reply buddy.

    "but you need to give them a bit more time to let it sink in, and not overwhelm them with several long posts in a row" I agree, and yet i think it was doomed either way. I realised this topic would get lost within a week or so after i stopped posting and i didn't want to release these over than span of months. What was i going to do, one a week and then it would take 5-6 months to get the first lot out. That seems too long to me, i wanted people to be able to read them over a few weeks and get some benefits out of them.

    "Even just reading all of it is a bit much now for someone new and by putting out new" Yeh true, i can imagine that. It might not really make sense in such a condensed form.

    "What do you mean by this?" Well paradigms are somewhere below scientific theories and somewhere in-line with morals. Paradigms are formed as a result of the current circumstances and must remain flexible to change with the circumstances. Otherwise they would be "laws" or something like that and we could never have "paradigm shifts".

    The thing with these paradigms is that while they are not inscrutable, they do hold up for most people in most circumstances. They are at the core of our existence, or at least that's my perception :D

    For example each of these paradigms is relative to the person who perceives them. The person perceives them according to their current paradigms which were usually established from past experiences. If they are told a new paradigm like "time and energy are the most valuable resources in the world" they can either accept or deny it. Someone who was raised in poverty might laugh hysterically at it because to them money is clearly more important than either time or energy.

    These kinds of paradigms both work together to support each other and sometimes they seemingly contradict each other. Like in one paragraph i could say "the subconscious controls our actions and we have little control over it" and then "you need to strengthen your pre frontal cortex so you can control your PFC..." But ahh you just said you can't control it! Well you can and you can't, both remain true. The subconscious is out of a mortals control. However the PFC has the power to ignore some of the subconscious' more unique commands like the automatic call to action to procreate-have sex-masturbate-PMO. It's like the subconscious sends out the signals to the body to do an action, and a strong conscious is able to tell the body to ignore those signals.

    "Shouldn't the point be to discover paradigms that you can't tweak in any way you want" I hope that what i said above answers this for you. Paradigms are formed as a result of the existing context. That persons "world view" effects how they interpret that paradigm. Having said that, yes the goal is to discover paradigms which "hold up". They should aim to "hold up" for the person who believes them and nothing else. Ultimately, it is whether the paradigm is helpful that matters.

    A scientific paradigm is altered by the time in which it exists, the culture and the questions and answers it is related to. When these contextual attributes change dramatically, then there will be a paradigm shift in which a new paradigm is formed, more aligned with the new context.

    "which means that they basically just confirm your bias and your existing way of viewing the world?" A person should be open to new ideas and consistently question their beliefs. So when they are contemplating a new paradigm they should be asking "will it help me?" Then, whether it confirms their current views/bias or not is irrelevant. If they believe it will help them then obviously they should adopt it.
  17. abyss

    abyss Member

    i certainly remember you GG, we had some discussion about a year ago, thanks for the advise you gave me. I am reading it :)
  18. @abyss, Fantastic. I appreciate the reply and you're more than welcome. I hope you got some lasting change from whatever i said (i can't remember the conversation sadly :( ) After hearing from you and rabbit i'll keep going with these posts. And i'll slow them down too.
  19. kira321

    kira321 Guest

    Your posts are very helpful! Thanks :)
  20. You're very welcome kira. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

    This paradigm is relatively well known so you may have heard it before. But you should know that these paradigms aren't just to be heard of or explained once. They should be heard, understood, internalised, adapted and evolved continuously throughout your life. As you experience life they will take on a new meaning.

    Self sabotage and dulling the pain

    This ties in with some of the ideas raised before, like forgiving yourself and knowing that you deserve to be happy. Without these two things many of us subconsciously self sabotage. There is a deep seeded belief that we don’t deserve to be happy, or healthy, or financially independent or to look after themselves over others.

    What you must realise is that you need to look after yourself first. Only then can you look after the people you care about and lead a happy life.

    First look after yourself. Then look after your family. Then look after the world.

    This extremely detrimental practice of self sabotage shows itself most clearly in peoples addictions. Whether those addictions be of drugs, food, sex, porn, violence or any type of self abuse.
    It is tied in with peoples self imposed levels of happiness and sadness. If someone is achieving more wealth than they think they deserve then they will often find ways to limit their wealth. Or maybe someone who is addicted to drugs will have done great things in overcoming their addiction only to be “talked” out of it by their subconscious saying “you can’t do this! who do you think you are you loser!” It might sound extreme, i don’t know what your subconscious is like. But thoughts like these are common and are exaggerated in people with depression and other mental illnesses.
    Simply being aware of your thoughts, subconscious or conscious, is a massive step into quieting this terrible habit of self destruction. This is, again, where CBT and meditation can help immensely.

    You must be able to be in different positions and circumstances in life and understand what is motivating certain action or lack of action. If you are facing the battle to lose weight for example but you can’t seem to find the motivation to exercise or eat healthily, you must contemplate the reasons behind it. Do you accept yourself? Do you hold notions of you being unworthy of affection and subconsciously allow these negative thoughts to eat crappy food everyday? Do you use the dopamine rush of rubbish food to sooth past emotional wounds? Do you overeat so that you won't draw attention from other people?

    The answer to these kinds of questions are a major part of why people form addictions in the first place. It could be as simple as a young child being called fat for the first time at the age of 8. That child internalises that mean comment and magnifies it infinitely. The link between emotional pain and food being a comforting friend is soon established and a life long struggle begins.

    While as children we didn’t have much hope of forgiving ourselves or others, we are now adults capable of deep psychological change. You must realise that the “past is the past”, it is water under the bridge and there is no point wishing it were different. The only thing that you will ever have “control” over is the present. You need to forgive yourself now, and take action now to learn from the past. You need to believe you are capable of “success” and that you deserve to be happy.

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