Completely recovered

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by okley90, Aug 13, 2015.

  1. okley90

    okley90 New Member

    Hey guys, I've put off writing this for ages until now for a couple of reasons, I have a day off so I figured I'd finally do it.

    I'm 25 years old and I am cured from PIED. I have been for a while now.

    Started using at an early age, started with magazines, scenes from movies, etc. Eventually this escalated into video clips online, from there it became a several times a day habit and eventually a full blown addiction. I escalated into weird stuff and didn't like it, tried to have sex, my penis kept going down so I panicked and googled. Standard.
    I spent my teens interacting with women a lot and I think that's what helped me. I had sex with girls but after reaching 21 my erections REALLY dropped off, then eventually I couldn't stay hard. I always put this down to drink, since my hook ups were happening after going clubbing and what not. I had no interest in pursuing these women after, either.
    Never had a problem with social anxiety or anything, always got on with everybody, was pretty popular in school. Porn really only sapped my work motivation and gave me PIED.

    I have been completely PMO free since September 2013. I have a fantastic job, a great body, a beautiful girlfriend and a working penis. Life is good.

    It was hard. Very hard but the only way to properly recover is to completely stop porn, masturbation and orgasm. I am adamant about this. I hate to say this because I don't want to come across as a prick but I see guys on this forum doing "Orgasm reboots" or constantly relapsing and acting like its not a big deal. I agree, you shouldn't beat yourself up too much over one relapse, but I didn't relapse once since September 2013 and I'm now completely recovered.

    I had sex for the first time around June 2014, erection was 80% at best, but I went for it. It was good. I then began rewiring while having regular sex once or twice a week. This I believe DID actually slow, not stop my progress. (I don't think sex orgasms after a good no orgasm period can actually STOP progress, just slow it.)

    I was basically having too many orgasms, at first I should have stuck to once every 2 weeks, but I was excited to be in a new relationship since 2013, and my girlfriend is gorgeous so resisting was pretty difficult!

    I later explained everything to her and she has been extremely supportive. I put off telling her for a few reasons 1) I didn't know if it was going to work out and 2) Its not something I personally feel comfortable with everyone knowing. But telling her really felt GOOD. You know that saying? "Feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders?" That's what it felt like. I wasn't alone anymore.

    Gradually my erections got stronger, they were a bit shaky at first I'd occasionally lose my erection for a minute or two and need to go back to making out, then it would return. I could put this down to fear I would lose it. You see when you've had ED for a long time there is going to be SOME anxiety still kicking around in your head, like worry you'll lose your boner yet again. The only real way to get over that is to keep trying.

    Last hurdle:
    Gradually erections started lasting, consistent 85% strength, but something still felt a little "off" to me. I wasn't as hard as I knew I should be. This puzzled me since it had been a long time into recovery and I hadn't relapsed.

    Then I discovered Kegel exercises.

    After just two days, my erections were already fuller and thicker, after a week I was like a rock and after a month my penis literally would not go down. It even stays hard after I've orgasmed now and my refractory period is about 10 minutes.

    So why did this work? I think years of heavy PMO had weakened by PC muscle, so it needed to be worked out again. It can't be coincidence that literally two days after I start doing Kegels my erections were already harder and stronger, this just kept increasing with time.

    I'd post a Kegel routine but I don't have one, I just flex my pc muscle for as long as I can throughout the day, rest for a while, then do it again. Honestly, I barely do it now, maybe 5 times a week for like a minute and a half and that is maintaining it.

    My advice is do 2 days of kegels, a day of complete rest, then 3 days kegels, then a day of complete rest and repeat. Remind yourself.
    On how to do them, it kind of feels like your balls are doing pull ups and your penis is being sucked in a little bit.
    Don't do them when your hard.

    There are plenty of topics online about this, if your having trouble locating your pc muscle its the muscle you use when you hold back pee.

    KEGELS ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR RECOVERY. You need to recover in you're brain, then if erections aren't 100% add in a Kegel routine.

    Tidbits of Advice:

    Don't orgasm too soon.
    You NEED that rest period from EVERYTHING. 90 days minimum if you started young, orgasms are so connected with porn at first that having one too soon WILL set you back. I KNOW from experience.

    Relapses CAN reverse PIED recovery. Before September 2013 I made progress, relapsed and lost some progress in terms of PIED recovery. You're trying to unwire computer screen = arousal from your brain, if you relapse you are reinforcing that. You have to be strong and vigilant. I've been recovering since around Feb 2013, so I spent a lot of time making progress and then relapsing which knocked me back. Not completely, but it still knocks you back.

    A binge would reverse everything I think. Whats going to set an alcoholic back? A sip of beer once? Or a weekend bender on Vodka and hard spirits? I see some guys actually putting things like "I've only PMO 4 times this month." If you don't have PIED that's fine, but how can you honestly expect to recover if you're still reinforcing it?

    Get out and live your life. You know that vision of how you want your life to be when your recovered? START NOW. Just put this shit in the back of your mind and get out there. Be happy, spend time with friends, work out, get a hobby and meet girls. Spend time around them as often as you can.
    I recovered FASTER and had more clarity when I wasn't reading forums and constantly obsessing over this.

    Go to YBOP and look for the self hypnosis tape read by Marnia. That is what got me to where I am, seriously. I used it in September 2013 and I haven't relapsed. I forget how many times I used it but at least for a good two months, 5 nights a week before bed.
    IT WORKS TRUST ME. I'm surprised people don't use it, its absolutely incredible.

    This isn't about going x amount of days or months. Its a lifestyle change. Its good to see progress I admit but you need to change your entire mindset. If your obsessing over days and a counter you've already lost. Your never using porn again so why do you need to be reminded when you last used it? Know your start date, the day after you last relapsed and that's all you need to know. When you feel like checking progress look back but there is no need to constantly remind yourself.


    GARY AND MARNIA - If it wasn't for you two I'd still be a porn addicted mess. Thank you so much for pioneering this, you've saved the erections of so many men, including this one.

    GABE - For being open, honest and sharing your story. Major inspiration for me.

    NOAH CHURCH - Your stand up video made my girlfriend cry! :) Seriously though, thanks for being so open as well, although I was well onto the road of recovery when I saw your videos, they reinforced a lot of things for me.

    FUGU - For the YBOP podcast and for being probably the nicest guy on this forum. I hope your doing good!

    In closing I just wanted to say that although this is difficult, it's hard to get through and a struggle it WILL make you a better man. You're willpower is like a muscle and this is like a training regime from hell for it, its hard, you'll battle constantly but in the end you WILL BE STRONGER.
  2. Fencepost

    Fencepost Member

    That's great to hear! Congratulations.
  3. LTB

    LTB Member

    Is there a link to this hypnosis tape.
  4. sbivv

    sbivv New Member
  5. kira321

    kira321 Guest

    Thanks a lot for sharing this! very inspiring
  6. Chizzleman1

    Chizzleman1 Member

    Before listening to the podcast, what is its purpose? Meditation?
  7. Kingofqueens89

    Kingofqueens89 New Member

    How long did you not orgasm?
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    A binge relapse DOES reverse everything. Congrats on being clean for almost two years, it's a long road but nothing else but total freedom will do.
  9. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Huge congratz man 8)

    Thank you so much for detailing this for everyone! It inspires hope for so many :)
  10. fathomer

    fathomer New Member

    thank you for this post
    this is HOPE
  11. okley90

    okley90 New Member

    Really sorry for the super late reply, I'm a busy guy and got sidetracked with a lot of stuff. I'm opening and managing a store for my boss right now and things are really hectic.

    I'll make up for it by throwing a load of my thoughts and information into this post.

    Thanks for posting a link to the self hypnosis tape sbivv. I CANNOT endorse this enough, it really, really, really, REALLY helps. Seriously stop reading this right now and go download it, use it tonight before bed. There really is no reason not to give it a go, it seriously helped me.

    I remember how relaxing your voice is as well, Marnia. You would have made a good therapist!

    Kingofqueens89: I first started rebooting in Feb 2013 and relapsed a bit up until I began my final reboot attempt in early September 2013. I had sex around June 2014 I don't remember the EXACT date, but it was early June, so that's how long.

    I stopped counting as I mentioned in my earlier post and that made this whole thing a lot easier, up until that point I had been foolishly "waiting" for recovery to happen, so I just put it in the back of my mind and got on with life, that helped a lot. In all honestly I could've probably had sex by around Feb 2014, but I didn't meet anyone that I really clicked with, you see I changed my mindset from "Getting off" to having meaningful (but enjoyable!) sex with someone I had genuine feelings for. I met my girlfriend in May, we dated for a good month then had sex for the first time. It was awesome and well worth the wait.

    40new30: Yeah I'd say a long binge would reverse a lot of PIED recovery progress. A one off relapse on the other hand, provided the addict doesn't dwell or use again will most likely erase X amount from PIED recovery, I think X can only be calculated from time spent away from porn. I.e A single relapse after two months is probably going to be a lot more damaging to PIED recovery than a relapse after two years. It's all subjective though, that's one thing, we all recover and heal differently.

    If I were to guess what would negatively affect PIED recovery in stages of severity for everyone, I would say the following:

    - Accidently stumbling across porn: Not damaging at all UNLESS the addict dwells on the images or goes back to view them. If it wasn't intentional it isn't reinforcing addictive wiring.

    - Thinking about porn scenes: Damaging if done consistently. Flashbacks are another matter entirely, but actually sitting and thinking about porn scenes isn't good at all.

    - Peeking quickly then closing: Damaging if done often, can start to slowly reverse progress. I think if an addict stops themselves and doesn't dwell, it can have little effect, but if done regularly we all know what it will ultimately lead to.

    - Viewing porn without PMO: Very damaging, can reverse progress. Essentially edging for periods of time is just as bad as a single relapse, the only difference is you aren't wiring orgasm up to it.

    - Single Relapse: Very damaging, WILL reverse some progress. We all know this. I think a lot of factors are involved in regards to how much progress is lost, I'd say time away from porn before relapse is the main factor.

    - Binge: Extremely damaging, expect a good chunk of progress to be lost, I would say regardless of X time away from porn. Sure, for someone who's gone 3 years compared to 3 months it won't be as bad, but I guarantee they will regret it.

    - Months+ long binge: I'd say a complete reversal of all recovery up until that point. By recovery I mean PIED recovery, an addict may be able to bring back up some of the willpower they have built, but if you binge for months on end PIED will come back.

    This is all my personal opinion based on experiences and reading tons and tons of rebooting accounts. I had some time between February 2013 and September 2013 where I relapsed quite a few times and had a week long binge at one point which I think did mess up my PIED recovery. I'm sure someone will disagree but as I mentioned earlier, it's all subjective, some guys (lucky ones) recover in no time, whereas others can take years and years, but the current trend seems to be it's taking a lot longer, and that's usually without relapse, or binge at least.

    I know people say to those who've just relapsed: "Oh, think of it 10 steps forward 1 step back" but properly analyzing what you've done in regards to your relapse is important to determine whether it is in fact 1 step back, or maybe 5, or maybe even 10. I'm not telling people to be harsh on themselves, but if you binge for a week and think it won't damage your PIED recovery, your delusional. I'm sorry, but it's true.

    Everyone else: Thanks for the replies.

    I thought I would add a few new thoughts to my post to make up for not coming back for ages. I hope these help someone. I always said to myself I'd be active in the community and help out once I recovered and although I don't have the time to do that in all honestly I'll just share random things that will hopefully help.

    Examine your triggers
    This is VERY VERY important I intended to write about it in my first post but for whatever reason I didn't, I probably got side tracked. After you relapse or almost relapse (I hope) what you need to do when you've calmed down is think, seriously think about what made that happen or almost happen. Then, when you've found that out, that is another trigger you will need to avoid from now on.

    It's shocking how many people recovering don't actually do this because this is how you prevent relapse.
    Let's say a particular video game you play has a scene that reminded you of porn or was erotic and you almost relapsed from that, stop playing the video game until you're better able to handle triggers being thrown at you.

    It sounds complicated but it really isn't. Just analyze things and think about what set off that particular course of action that almost made you go to porn again, then avoid it.

    Reboots are not linear
    Everyone will reboot differently and have different results, initial symptoms and the end results are really the only things that I believe are the same throughout. But I strongly and firmly believe that porn, masturbation and orgasm must be avoided for a good period initially. I personally do not masturbate anymore anyway.

    One thing I will say is don't have orgasms too close to each other, space them out initially at least by a few days. It would be better to have sex when you first recover three days a week spaced out over the week than twice in one day I believe, don't overload your circuits in a short time frame after healing them so soon. Just watch yourself for a while if you want to recover faster. The best thing to do I think is stick to once every two weeks at first, that's like a generalized number but you can work down or up from that to suit you until your okay to have it whenever you want.

    Chances are you are probably going to have some more healing to do even after you can have sex, this is daunting but also quite nice because things just keep getting better and better overtime and the journey becomes almost exciting, you're almost at the finish line.

    I don't like broscience but I'm also a firm believer in men releasing pheromones or something when they don't masturbate/orgasm for x amount of time. I've always been a social guy even when I was at my worst with my addiction and PIED, but after introducing abstinence into the mix, I had extremely favorable social responses from both men and women.
    It could be a subconscious thing, an evolutionary trigger that changes the way we act after having not orgasmed for so long, like it could change our body language, tone of voice or something. All I know is I NOTICE A BIG DIFFERENCE.
    Sex doesn't seem to reduce this, so I don't know if its psychological or maybe porn was effecting me in some way without me realizing it, my point is I'm more sociable and get more favorable responses from people when I lay off the self pleasure.

    The time it takes to reboot
    I think the MAIN major difference with different guys and rebooting is the following:

    Age when started internet porn use: I'm not including magazines and offline videos because they've been around a long time and didn't cause ED. I think the age one starts not regular porn but internet porn really counts, thats when serious problems arise. Think about it, our Dad's probably saw magazines and VHS tapes at a young age, but it didn't give them PIED.

    If internet porn didn't exist, just magazines and videos offline you can guarantee this forum would be practically empty.
    I think the age one starts can have a major influence, if you started younger, expect a longer reboot.

    Time spent addicted/With PIED: I think the longer the addiction and/or PIED the longer it will take to recover. It's like having a broken leg and while it's broken your still walking about on it, causing more damage. If you broke it then rested it strait away the recovery would be shorter. Unfortunately most of us don't realize it's broken until its too late. It's this reason that we're all going to have to protect our kids, the next generation from overly using porn.

    Escalation: Almost all porn addicts escalate in some way, if you've escalated so much that vanilla porn wouldn't do it for you anymore, I think it will add to length of recovery. If you can't even get hard to porn anymore then expect a lot longer time for recovery.

    Sex: I think if you've had sex or sexual activity with women either prior or during you're porn use, this will decrease the time of recovery. I don't believe for one minute that guys who've never had sex but used porn for 10+ years are doomed, not at all. You are biologically wired to find women arousing, you can't break evolutionry responses. However you may take a longer time with rewiring and healing from PIED, but it's been proven time and time again with rebooting accounts that it is possible.

    Rewiring is just as important as removing porn from your life
    This statement I firmly believe is 100% true. By rewiring I don't mean having sex, just being around women will wire you up to them. But this is very important during your reboot, get out and meet women from day 1, you don't have to have sex with anyone, just get out there and talk and interact with women when you can. It's going to help a lot.

    Random PIED and post reboot Sex information:
    I didn't really comment that much on this before but for anyone who is interested in what it's like to be in a sexual relationship after rebooting and other random stuff that people may be interested in hearing:

    - My erections are firm, its kind of like they lock into place and I just know they aren't going down. They are leagues better than when I first had sex, even though they were strong enough to have sex then. Exercise and weight training will help too and I already mentioned kegels, but honestly if your a young guy you should be able to get a decent erection regardless, everything else is just a buffer. I mentioned in my last post that I believe overly masturbating to porn caused my pelvic floor muscle to become weaker, truth is I barely do kegals now and the results have stayed, so all I can say is if you've done everything you possibly can and erections are still not where they should be, throw a kegel routine in there, it can't hurt.

    - No position is a problem, I know some guys struggle with girls being on top at first when they reboot or can only do missionary, this clears up as your erections get firmer and you become more sensative down there. Don't make my mistake and over-do it strait after having successful sex and you'll be at 100% faster, take it easy for a while. Be patient and good sex will come.

    - My sex life is healthy, me and my partner don't need anything freaky to enjoy it, because I'm not masturbating I'm always excited to see her and so is another part of me. "Vanilla" sex as some call it is more enjoyable than porn ever was. Its not like scratching an itch anymore or "getting off" we do it because we enjoy it. It's become more fun, its intimate. It's all about exploring each others bodies and having a good time, trying new positions, lots of kissing, eye contact, giggling, stroking, etc. It's completely different to anything porn can ever give you and it's a thousand times more fulfilling.
    - Its more focused on the giving and recieving of pleasure than the visual, don't get me wrong, I'm blessed with a beautiful girlfriend and seeing her naked is a huge turn on, but once we're having sex it becomes more about how it feels than the look of everything.

    - Its not boring. I KNOW how porn addicts feel leaving that dopamine filled world of endless novelty, you think real "vanilla" sex is going to be boring, you want lots of women to do lots of things. Guess what? Once you've rebooted, stopped masturbating and left that world behind, things sort of balance out. Sunday morning sex becomes more exciting than any of the crap you used to view I promise you, or a cheeky text from your girlfriend telling you how she can't wait to see you friday night will get you more hyped than any tube site. I GUARANTEE it. And you know what else feels great? There's no GUILT. We've all been there, you've watched something and after finishing your like "wtf is wrong with me watching this shit? Jesus christ..." Instead you'll have amazing sex with your girlfriend and then fall asleep with her in yours arms, that feeling is INCREDIBLE.

    - You don't need to have sex with x amount of women or do x amount of things to be a real man, you gain nothing from being a "player" or sleeping with lots of different women. It's likely porn making you think that way, or some other pre-concieved notion that you need to put your thing in every hot girl you come across. (Lets be serious now, it's porn making you think that way.) I've been there, I've experienced that lifestyle, I've had plenty of one night stands, some of which ended in failure because of porn but others that didn't and it's still the same hollow feeling afterwards. I felt guilty for using girls like that, even in the throws of my sex obsessed porn addiction I still felt guilt.

    I'll tell you a little story, I have a friend I've known since we were both 14 years old, he met his girlfriend at about 15 in high school, we're all a part of the same group of friends and have been since back then, they have been together for 10 years. He hasn't been with another woman since and he's by far one of the happiest people I know. I'm being deadly serious, the guy has a minimum wage job, lives in a basic apartment with his girlfriend but he is genuinely one of the happiest people I have ever met.
    He doesn't "need" lots of women to be happy, he loves his girlfriend to bits and she loves him. It's not fake happiness either, its so obvious the guy just loves his life and those two have an incredible relationship. I actually used them as motivation during the hard times in my reboot, "I want that." I'd say to myself and it turns out I actually got it in the end.

    Now I have another friend who isn't a "player" as such but he frequently goes from girl to girl, he's well off, more money than sense if I'm being honest and he's got it all, one of those guys. Good looks, lots of money and he can attract girls very easily, but he's always getting into fights, he's usually miserable, posts constant rants on facebook about random things that really shouldn't be annoying someone of his age, if he doesn't get a girl on a night out he literally sits there looking extremely pissed off. He isn't happy because all he seeks is endless sex with lots of different girls, he did once have a great girl but cheated on her for someone who was in my opinion not only less attractive but also verging on the Patrick Bateman side of things mentally.

    I guess my point with these examples is that money, lots of sex, good looks, it doesn't mean anything in the long run, but what matters is happiness and that happiness can be found easily by sharing your life with another person. Why do you think so many people actually get into relationships in the first place? Because sharing your life with someone can greatly increase your happiness.

    Me personally, I was happy before, during my reboot I was fine on my own. I have great family, great friends and I met my girlfriend and she greatly added to my happiness.

    Basically guys, you need to leave that world behind. Don't mourn it or give it any meaning. Just remind yourself that real happiness ironically comes from the simpler things in life.

    Anyway I'll probably post again in another 9 years or so ;)
    Hope everyone is doing good and don't give up no matter what. Everyone can heal from this, it's been proven time and time again. You aren't a special case no matter what you believe, unless you literally don't have a penis, you can heal from PIED.

  12. Giuseppe Garibaldi

    Giuseppe Garibaldi [url=

    Congratulations man,and thank you.
  13. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    Big congratulations and thanks for the useful advice. Especially about the kegels routine (weak PC muscle is a side-issue of PMO addiction that isn't talked about much but it should).
  14. thetimeisnow2015

    thetimeisnow2015 New Member

    people here need to stop with this extreme thinking. It is just crazy, and makes people afraid and crazy..
    You need to look big picture, and this kind of advice really doesn't help anybody.

    There are real issues related to porn, addiction, erection issues, and then there is OCD thinking related to all this stuff.. This is in that camp. And then people read this stuff, and they believe it, and expect it, and freak out when they have a single relapse, and instead of moving on with their life, worry about how much they've set themselves back, and it becomes a giant mindfuck

    There are many people on this site who aren't getting better because of this type of thinking.

    Do I think a three week binge will set you back? sure.. But people need to stop being so fear mongering and extreme. It just scares people
  15. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Time spend addicted to porn is why a lot of guys in my age group ARE taking a long time to get better. Yes, a young brain is more plastic, but you can't erase 15 years of addiction in 3 months (in my experience).

    I'm 42 years old, and have had access to high speed internet porn since the late 90's, that's about 17 years. Anyone who's a bit older and taking a longer time reboot...please read this all again and let it sink in.

    I've been rebooting for 3 years, with about 4 - 5 months long binge relapses, right now I'm over 5 months clean with some peeking, and my erections are improving every week. I use Gabe's story as my guide post...15 to 18 months of improvements sound very, very reasonable. And in my experience it is EXACTLY like this, if you stay clean.

    Wrote this in support of guys in there late thirties to early forties who have had trouble getting better quickly...think about it, how long have you had high speed internet? Some guys lose their entire erectile function with 6 months of high speed internet porn! I was a daily user for roughly 15 years. I remember getting PIED in about 1998, and I had several conversations with guys my age who were having problems (I was about 27/28 years old).

    Didn't mean to hijack, great post!! Just thought this would be a good place to reinforce the idea of years addicted being a big factor in longer reboots.
  16. fathomer

    fathomer New Member

    40New30 and okley90
    I wanted to thank both of you for your summarizes of what you did to get your sexual prowess back.
    It gives me hope to see two guys who also had PIED to overcome this issue,
    If I were to summarize your recoveries as no more porn, is that about it"?

    I understand you can't just go COLD TURKEY, quiting porn alone may not totally give a recovery

    if you guys had to tell someone in his 40s, how to overcome 25 odd years of porn usage, what do you suggest?
    seems like this list would suffice?
    -no porn ever
    -find hobbies that make your life better
    -get into great shape. lift weights/cardio/eat veggies/fruit/protein(even some junkfood) but lean out and look great naked

    what else am I missing to help myself/others get our strong erections back and normal ejaculations?

  17. thetimeisnow2015

    thetimeisnow2015 New Member

    Your in your 40s, and you were insulting me in the other thread for no reason? making fun of my shitty sex I was having?

    man, I thought you were some 15 year old with nothing better to do then be a shit disturber..

    I can't believe a grown man in his 40s would be writing all the nasty insults you were, to somebody who wasn't even speaking to you in the thread, and didnt say anything untoward to you .. thats some weird shit

    and then you come on here asking others for help, yet you feel the need to be an asshole to others.... think about that for a second.
  18. RoryMac

    RoryMac Guest

    Thanks for sharing your inspiring story and all the helpful input. Gives me a lot of hope.
  19. AddictedAgain

    AddictedAgain Pain = Growth

    Great post Okley, much appreciated!
  20. fathomer

    fathomer New Member

    naw, not in my 40s, but my older brother is...

    why are you hijacking someone elses thread
    if you have a beef with me, PM me, no need to chase me around a forum throwing down your low self-esteem filled hate, like a wussy girly manb

    send me a PM
    See, I come here to absorb whats useful, most of the crap I've learned and share about nutrition/medicine/hormones etc come from me learning shit to help others

    ok I'm back, I had to have TONS OF SEX FOR A WHILE THERE

    why are you hating on me when I wasnt even speaking to you? that's odd... you really need to learn what it means to be useful or at least funny

    think about that for a few minutes, eh?
    or hours?
    or try to think, you dont seem to be able to do that
    back to me having TONS OF SEX!

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