BeyondReady's Journey to PornFreedom

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by BeyondReady, Jun 6, 2016.

  1. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Day 8 - spent part of the day making a list of things to do to help keep my brain busy and keep me from being bored. This should help occupy my mind.
     
  2. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    So this is my first New Years Eve with no one in probably 30 years. It will be unique but not stressed about it so not worried about slipping. It will be an evening of reading and college football.

    Been trying to conquer some of my fears this past year which alleviates some of the anxieties which reduces my need to escape from reality and hence has reduced PMO. One fear I have had is heights so went against my better judgment and went indoor rock wall/boulder climbing yesterday. Didn't get all the way up the wall but felt good about myself with even just attempting it. Will go back and try to go further next time. Porn for me has always been more of an escape from reality and my anxiety and rejection issues. So looking forward to 2017 and continuing to grow and leave PMO behind.
     
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Reading and football sounds like a great New Year's Eve. Dialing it back can be restorative. Happy New Year, BeyondReady. You're in a good space. :)
     
  4. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Today will be day 14 and it will be an interesting day as I normally spend the night at a lady that I have been seeing's house. Last couple times I couldn't turn my brain off enough and things "died" so going to focus on trying to be in the moment and attempt to keep my anxiety/stress at bay. I haven't had any thoughts/cravings/desires for PMO so that part of the issue is going well. Yes I know it has only been 14 days since my last slip so I am realistic things may or may not go well tonight but overall since I have started this journey roughly 7 months ago I have come a long way and I need to remind myself of that rather than beat myself up for my slips.

    Onward and upward!!
     
  5. 2BFree

    2BFree New Member

    You're right. Beating yourself up makes the desire for pron even greater. That's how it is for me. Stress, anxiety, etc make me want to pull the shades and do my internet thing. I've been in a battle for several years, but until recently I never really attempted to quit. I just waded through my own filth. This is my first real attempt to get clean-minded and free-spirited again. I know I can't get down on myself, because those thoughts are the very thing that drive me to PMO. Good luck.
     
  6. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    So spent the night at my lady friends house and things went well. Up to this point I haven't been able to turn off my brain, which would be going 100 miles per hour, and things would end up going south but was able to not stress out about things for the first time. Then woke this morning ready to go again. It was a nice surprise considering my recent failures. Kind of a nice confidence boost. In the past with my ex the day after sex was usually a bad PMO day as I felt like a failure as our sex life was not good and the anxiety/stress it caused led me right back to PMO. None of those feelings today but making sure I am aware just in case as I refuse to go backwards!
     
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  7. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Just checking in to keep myself inline. So nothing really to report. Just taking things one day at a time.
     
  8. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Another quick check-in. Things going well. Did have I guess the MO urge yesterday but not porn. Figured the best way to avoid that was to go to the gym and workout. Urge passed. I guess it is a good things are stirring down below as it wasn't brought on by anything porn type related that I saw.

    One day at a time
     
  9. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    3 weeks in the books. When I restarted my streak a lot had to do with my inability to perform with a woman I have been seeing. Last night I initially failed with the same issue of not turning off the brain but was able to relax and redeem myself later in the evening. So that feels like a huge positive step forward. Still a long way to go.
     
  10. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    It is strange as the 24 days has gone very fast. Doesn't actually feel like it has been that long. Strange.
     
  11. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Crazy that it has been four weeks already. Kind of a numb feeling about it though. Not sure why. Maybe because I have had a longer streak than this? Hmmm...not sure.
     
  12. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Today will be one month clean. So far going good. Now on to month number two!
     
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    One month is incredible, BeyondReady! Numb feelings come and go. We stick with the process and everything gets better. :)
     
  14. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Thanks Saville. Just wasn't expecting the numb feeling towards it as it seemed so different during my last streak. Guessing that could be why though, this isn't unchartered water at this point. Maybe once I go beyond my longest streak it will feel differently.
     
  15. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    One month is the hardest month is so many ways, congrats!
     
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  16. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Just keeping myself on the straight and narrow by checking in. Will be staying at my "friends" house tonight and imagine things will get intimate so plan to do some meditation later to relax my brain as my brain is usually what gets me in trouble.

    Looking forward to hitting 60 days.
     
  17. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Don't put any pressure on anything sexual...seriously. The problem is in our brains not in our junk, don't associate your success or failure with your dick.
     
  18. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Oh I totally get its my brain. I can never seem to shut it off. That is my biggest hurdle that I need to overcome. I have always had anxiety/stress issues that go well beyond the bedroom. But you are right, stop putting pressure on it.
     
  19. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Just checking in to hold myself accountable. Today is day 39. Starting to get things organized to move to another State. In the past this would have severely stressed me out and led me to porn, but feeling oddly at peace with this move even though I am choosing to move to a place I have never been and know absolutely no one. For me this is way outside what has been my normal comfort zone but something I feel I need to do for myself. So looking forward to a new start!

    On to conquer day 39!
     
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Your positivity resonates throughout the forum. :) So cool that you are making a move and feeling great about it.
     
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