BeyondReady's Journey to PornFreedom

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by BeyondReady, Jun 6, 2016.

  1. Tony74

    Tony74 Guest

    Your doing awesome, keep up the great work! A book that helped me tremendously during my divorce was "How to Divorce as Friends" by Bill Ferguson. Ours was really drawn out and difficult. She got really mean at different points while she was processing her emotions... It really helped me center myself throughout the process no matter how she acted.

    One day at a time...
     
  2. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Thanks for the book suggestion M. I will look into that one. One that has helped me so far is one called Rebuilding: When You Relationship Ends. It has a chapter for each emotion that both parties go through in a divorce. My therapist had suggested it. Has been a great help in understanding both sides. I think what has created some anger for her is that she knows I am doing better while she is still struggling with all of this. Either way I am trying to remain on an even keel and remind myself she is just going through her different stages of emotions.

    On to conquer day 55....
     
  3. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Kind of exciting to know I am nearing the 60 day mark here in a handful of days. Just crazy.
     
  4. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    That's a great start, congrats! Have you strategies in place for when the cravings come; they will. It won't seem like it right now (or may not), but they will come and they can overwhelm the system.
     
  5. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Well today is day 60! Went out last night with a female friend I know a little from the gym and ended up downtown walking around. On the weekend here the downtown is a very hopping place. People all over. Crowds usually freak me out and make me very anxious. Did really well and didn't feel an uneasiness at all. Actually excited to go back. Was a little weird though in that I realized that I have no idea how to read women after 25 years in a relationship. The friend I went with is single and several times put her hand on my arm/shoulder. It wasn't that it meant anything, just that realization of how out of touch with what things mean. Not looking forward to the day I start dating.

    Anyway, day has gone well and nice to know that I have made it 60 days. Sold the house pending an inspection so hopefully will be in my own place in a couple months at most. Onward and upward....
     
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    What a positive last update. Hope things are still going well, BeyondReady. :)
     
  7. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Well I am back. Things have gone well overall but did slip a few times. Whenever I feel anxiety over things I follow my normal route of porn to escape from reality. I have done better recognizing when I have anxiety but don't always catch it. I feel I still have some performance issues at times. Part of it could be from Porn and some from stressing about it during the moment rather than relaxing and enjoying it. So coming back to keep myself accountable. Going to start with today as Day 1 since I am back.
     
  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Glad you are back. It's essential to stay connected.
     
  9. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Agree. Got caught up in life and wasn't using my head. In a way failing was a good lesson for me to realize this is a life-long battle.
     
  10. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Day 2

    Today is a good day. I was feeling down which is normal after any interaction with my ex but stepping back I am able to see how toxic she can be. So I usually struggle for a few days after seeing her. The nice thing is that I won't need to see her now until my boys get married and I will be moving to another State come spring so no chance of running into her around here and it will be easier to move on causing less stress and less of a chance of slipping. Still working on my anxieties but have come an amazing long way in the last six months. Lot of positive things have happened so need to remind myself of those rather than getting down on myself for my slips which just causes more slips.
     
  11. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Day 4

    Spent the last two nights with a woman I have been seeing and just couldn't keep it up to have sex. I know my issue is a combination of PIED but also anxiety/stress induced. I can get it up when things start but I can't turn my brain off and not think about what happens if I lose my hard-on and then in the end I do lose it. I tried Cialis last night but no real luck but it was a low dose so will try to up it some next time. Anyone else run into the not being able to turn the brain off and what did you do to help?
     
  12. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Get rid of the PIED and you'll get rid of the anxiety, it's all part of the same thing. Yes, get down on yourself about the "slips". If you want to cure your PIED, stop slipping. Merry Christmas!
     
  13. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Actually the anxiety is a whole other issue, though understand that there is some overlap. I have had anxiety long before porn was introduced into my life. I don't expect anyone to go back and read from page 1 but had an alcoholic/abusive father so developed anxiety as a child. Have come a long way over the last year with anxiety. Sex is just one of those areas I can't seem to turn my brain off and go from being hard to soft. Oh well, one day at a time and see what happens I guess.
     
  14. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    In your journal to date, there's no mention of masturbation. Have you given it up too?
     
  15. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Yep. No PMO'ing at this point. I just need to get back on track with no porn slips at all and to continue working on my anxiety issues (I do see a therapist for all of this). Some of my anxieties came back as a result of seeing my ex-wife and some of the things she has done recently. Plus knowing this is my first holiday completely alone. So deep breath and just need to be here each day and hold myself accountable.
     
  16. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    What's the longest you've gone without sexual stimulation of any kind, and still suffered from ED? Sorry for the grilling, the more info we can get, the more likely someone can see something to help.
     
  17. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Grill away. I appreciate any help/insight anyone can give. Honestly I am not sure as I have never tracked it. I noticed probably within the last two years the occasional ED issues popped up during sex with my ex. My sex life with the ex was horrible, exact same thing every single time and I was the only one doing any work. And to a degree I blew it off as my not being interested and not able to turn my brain off as I noticed during sex I would be thinking how boring this was, complaining to myself about how it would be the exact same thing, etc...and I would go soft every once in awhile. Getting hard doesn't seem to be an issue as I will find myself getting hard even when just doing some serious kissing. Just can't seem to maintain it and the one constant seems to be my overthinking. I have no doubt that porn plays into as well so don't take anything I say as my denying that fact.

    Day 5
     
  18. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    I remember these feelings well, for me back in 2001-2003, about 10 years before I found a site like this. In the following years things only got worse. though I never had a problem getting off to porn. These days, with the same woman, things have completely turned around and now I have to focus hard on *not* orgasming, rather than working to remain interested.

    I'm firmly convinced that the "No Arousal" method is the quickest route to success. Day 4 was probably a bit early for you, but shouldn't be long before things change!
     
  19. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Day 6 - not much to report today. Pretty uneventful. Still going to post everyday just to hold myself accountable.

    I do expect things to change quickly just based on recent history. And if not it is what it is and all I can do is move forward one day at a time and wait for things to align.
     
  20. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Woke up during the night having a sex dream. Not something typical for me. Not that I have never had one before, just sex dreams are rare for me. Don't remember anything specific about the dream as I went back to sleep. Well on to day 7.
     

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