BeyondReady's Journey to PornFreedom

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by BeyondReady, Jun 6, 2016.

  1. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Awesome, dude.
     
  2. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Been a busy last few days so haven't been around to check in but still going strong. Today is Day 40.

    Went out and tried Sushi for the 1st time and it was freaking delicious! The restaurant was downtown which normally stresses me out, the traffic and not knowing where I am going as I hadn't been to this restaurant before usually causes a great deal of anxiety. But things went well even when I hit construction and had to try and figure out how to get around with various one way streets. Helps me know I can handle stepping outside of my box and survive just fine.
     
  3. Tony74

    Tony74 Guest

    Sushi is amazing! Glad you tried it! I went many years without trying it because it looked so nasty. Still dont eat the raw stuff, but a lot of it is really good! There are so many things in life that are really good that we never experience because of our comfort zone. Your doing awesome. Congrats on day 40!!
     
  4. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    sushi is awesome
     
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I dig the sushi...I'm on a no rice diet (cutting diet) but I still get a bunch of sashimi from time to time, wasabi, ginger...delish.
     
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    So many good things happening in your life, BeyondReady, and now sushi? ;)
     
  7. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    41 days down in the books.

    Have had some PIED in the past so will be interesting to see how things work somewhere down the road. Still just over a month-and-a-half before the divorce is final so should be around day 99. Maybe I'll find a lady to celebrate 100 porn free days and the finalizing of my divorce with me....LOL!!! That is just a joke. In no rush as I want to work on myself and get to a good spot and then what happens happens.
     
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You've just put an intention out into the universe, don't be surprised if it comes back :)
     
  9. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Hard to believe today is Day 43. What a journey! Honestly didn't think I would even make it 30 days when I first started. Now I can't imagine going back to using porn to escape from the real world. For the first time in my life I think I am starting to build some self-confidence. I started making a list of things that scare me and plan to start conquering them!

    And thanks 40New30 for letting me know I jinxed myself. ;D I guess if fate decides the timing is right I will take it as it comes.
     
  10. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Checking in again...45 days down! Been harder to get on here as I have made it a commitment to get out and live life a little more than just sitting in my house. Just realized this morning that counting today, as I have plans, I will have gone out and done something 7 of the last 9 days with people and I have handled the anxieties just fine. Today will be another good step forward as I am usually not good at meeting new people, I tend to go into a shell due to my social anxiety. A friend asked me to come along with a group on an outing and I will not know any of the others. My plan is to make sure I am taking some deep breathes and just roll with it. Generally I would be stressing already trying to figure out what to say to possible questions people might ask but have been forcing myself to think of other things when those things start to creep into my thoughts. I need to start giving myself more credit, I mean I have made it 45 days porn free I can certainly socialize with new people.
     
  11. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You're taking life head on! Doing that will help you to remain free from porn...when your life is an adventure, and filled with interesting things then porn becomes less attractive. It's a big part of getting better.
     
  12. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    Nice going beyond.
    Know that a great key for anxiety's is the knowledge that they're ok; they're just there and they may have their place in your life, no matter how uncomfortable they feel at a time when they show up.
    So when nerves come in, just be with them. Take a bathroom break, even share that you're dizzy a bit or whatever. Let them be there and just see them a bit for what they are. Maybe chat a bit with them and see what they wish to tell you at a moment like that.

    take care.
     
  13. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Just a quick check in for my own sanity. On Day 48 - still going strong! So nothing really to report other than the journey continues. I haven't been on an emotional roller coaster from the divorce in two weeks now. Been in a positive mood. That has definitely helped to reduce stress/anxiety and keep me from falling back into old patterns.

    Thanks 40 and Arizona! Your comments always help me keep focused, very much appreciated!
     
  14. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Little bit of a struggle today. Not the lure of porn but it's been about 2 months since I have had sex (probably the longest I have gone since high school so almost 30 years) and combine that with things starting to come to life down there. I think that will be my biggest struggle, just not going and finding a one-nighter for a release. Trying to keep my mind busy so that I don't think about it.
     
  15. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    A one night stand at this point could potentially derail your whole reboot...it depends on your history with P and level of brain changes you've experienced.. When I first rebooted I didn't really block out fantasy or stop trying to "get laid", made it 30 days.

    So anyway, I went 30 days without orgasm, masturbation, or porn...got some glimpses of "super powers" (which was awesome) and then got laid by some internet tramp.

    The next day I had social anxiety through the roof (not normal for me) and then went out and got completely sauced.

    What followed was the scariest relapse I have ever had in my life...imagine PMO'ing 5 times half drunk between 4 and 7 in the morning. Scared the fuck out of me. The next 3 days I was almost unable to get out of bed. Now, I was a heavy porn abuser, but all I'm saying is that first time you have sex there will be a chaser effect and it can cause brutal porn cravings. Be prepared for that.

    I'm not trying to give this addiction any more power than it really has or scare you...just prepare you for shit I was NOT prepared for!
     
  16. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    I appreciate your sharing your experience 40, it helps tremendously. The chaser effect is interesting. Would not have expected that to be a possibility so good to be made aware of that. I'm definitely not a one night stand kind of guy so I just can't ever see that happening. Wish the divorce would finalize so that maybe I could consider dipping my toe into the dating pool, not for sex but to be able to start to figure out this dating in the modern times. Not real excited for that. About another 6 weeks yet before the court date unless they move the date up.

    One day at a time for now.
     
  17. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I'm glad it helps out, it's painful to even think about that horrible day. But from pain comes knowledge. :)
     
  18. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    50 days in the books. Feeling a little down today but not really sure why. Have been feeling pretty good the last few weeks and then today. Maybe it is all the unanswered questions about my future. See my therapist this afternoon so hopefully that brings me out of today's funk. On a plus side I got hit on yesterday and asked if I wanted to meet up with her tomorrow night. Haven't decided yet what I will do. Could that be the cause of the funk? I don't think so because being asked out was kind of flattering but who knows.

    Just gotta keep moving forward.
     
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You will most likely feel like crap for no reason a lot in the coming months, that is normal. The good news, from my perspective, is that the feeling will come and go quickly and it's duration will drop as the weeks pass.
     
  20. BeyondReady

    BeyondReady Member

    Still alive and kicking here. On day 54. A little stressed right now as my soon-to-be-ex has decided to play nasty all of the sudden. I am trying to blow it off as her just entering an anger stage on her emotional roller coaster and just ignoring it as such. I understand that she is in a different place in accepting things so I try not to take it as a personal attack and try to remain supportive. As a result of the stress from it though I almost slipped. It is amazing how much stuff you are surrounded by that can lead you back down the road of porn. But got in the car and went window shopping for a new place to live as I am hoping the house sells soon as I can continue to move forward with my life. I keep reminding myself this journey is going to be one step at a time.
     

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