Back after relapse...starting fresh

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Skywalker11, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. Skywalker11

    Skywalker11 One day at a time

    Well I had a good 4.5 month streak last year. I'm starting fresh today back at day 1. I understand now why they say don't get into a relationship within the first year of recovery. I was doing OK until I got involved in relationships. Each break up (I was the dumpee) set me back and the last breakup I had resulted in me just going down the drain to a full on relapse.

    Today is day 1. I need help guys. I need your help. Distract. Give me motivation. Help me to get back into recovery. Post cool links that will help me see how sex addiction is DESTRUCTIVE and terrible. Strength in numbers.
  2. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Well, first lets look back on the good. 4.5 months is a great streak and you were awakened, I imagine, in that time, to the benefits of having no PMO in your life. Also, today is a great day to start fresh! So, what benefits did you notice when you were PMO free and what helped you stay that way?

    I am sober from drugs and alcohol and have heard of no relationships in first yr of recovery. Which program were you referring to when you heard that? I agree, getting dumped is a real bitch and we must find a way to recover fully, and if you ask me, quickly, from it. I've swooned for years over short relationships, and it didn't have to be that way. I suggest you start watching some short videos by Corey Wayne on Youtube.
    Skywalker11 likes this.
  3. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    You did it once, you can do it again, onlu this time with more experience and strength.
    Skywalker11 likes this.
  4. Skywalker11

    Skywalker11 One day at a time

    - improved mood and confidence
    - stronger concentration
    - more energy (I was training for marathons and other races)
    - more social and less isolated
    - deeper voice

    I am determined to make it through today January 1 sober. I will tackle tomorrow when it comes. One day at a time.
  5. Skywalker11

    Skywalker11 One day at a time

    I know Corey Wayne's youtube videos. I watched his breakup videos. He's ok. I think exes are exes for a reason and they don't come back. In my experience this has proved to be true. when my ex girlfriends are over me and break things off...they are done and don't come back.
    staythecourse likes this.
  6. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Hi Skywalker,
    I myself performed a 235 days without PMO since April 2016. I relapse once 2 weeks ago during very hard circumstances, and then yesterday.
    It doesn't mean that one's efforts, streak, progress, determination and healing starts from 0. It just means that we are only human being, doing mistakes, etc. We're not perfect, and will never be, so we must stay positive and learn from our relapses so that next time, with triggers better identified, we can be stronger and redirect our will/need to PMO to something positive, instead of wasting our precious semen. We both are on day 1, on 1st of January, so let's make our counters simple to follow ;)
    A powerful quote I really like from a very good book jnv adviced us:
    "Semen is man's most precious possession. As such, male masturbation that habitually culminates in emission of semen is like a thief in his own house, stealing and throwing away his own precious gems."
    Skywalker11 likes this.
  7. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    I've seen a few CCW videos myself and he always says the best thing to do is move on and not look back. That's pretty central to what he teaches. Imo the get your ex back videos are just fur rise guys desperate to get their exes back. I think your right- the only way an ex is going to come back (if they dumped you anyway) is if they instigate things and that rarely seen some to happen

    Imo the central themes to what CCW teaches are excellent- sure i don't agree with every detail but overall I think he's great because he's not a pick up artist

    Good luck getting back on the wagon with your new steak. It's one of those things than at gets easier as you get into it - like any good habit imo!

    You got this !
    Skywalker11 likes this.
  8. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    In each case it's easier to get back on the wagon when there's a new steak involved. Mmmh steak..:D:):rolleyes:
    cjm, Skywalker11 and Outsider. like this.
  9. Veeav

    Veeav New Member

    If you recover from PMO you will be better boyfriend for your next gf. It's simple like that :cool:
    Skywalker11 likes this.
  10. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    yes, he says move on. If they come back, great, but they must initiate. He also has a video that basically says sorry, but 99% of the time, when they move on, it never works again. Even though he could lose customers for saying that, since so many come his way when they have a breakup (desperation), he still gives the truth.

    Corey preaches you cant give what ya don't got, you have to share your completeness, it usually occurs serendipitously, and many lao tzu quotes about just letting it happen. We have to go out and build our own healthy lives and everything else will fall into place.
    Skywalker11 likes this.
  11. Skywalker11

    Skywalker11 One day at a time

    Yep, I think he says a lot of good things. Wonderful wisdom in those YouTube links.

    All my exes move on pretty quickly, I must be a complete piece of shit to date or I choose avoidant women. I know I choose avoidant women but I have to believe I must really be terrible to be around.

    So far, today is a sober day. Lots of euphoric recall and lots of temptations
  12. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Haha bloody autocorrect! Everything is better with steak :)
    Fry2 likes this.
  13. jjveetec

    jjveetec Well-Known Member

    I don't thing it means a thing WHEN you get into relationship or not. A year, a month, a week or a day - doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the way we approach things. How we handle fear.
    The thought "I must be a terrible person to be with" is something that can be destroyed. Forget about the number of days. One could probably go 10 years clean and cave in if he puts to much stock man-woman relationship. Those are usually doomed
    staythecourse likes this.
  14. Skywalker11

    Skywalker11 One day at a time

    Right... But you need time to work through your shit. You need time to learn to love yourself. You need time to "dry out" from lust. You are entitled to your opinion and by all means do what you want. For me, I need to spend the next year loving myself and learning to be in a relationship with myself. Then I won't be so clingy because I will have built a life independent of a partner. I will hopefully have a good social circle and a good set of tools to handle fear, insecurity, etc.
  15. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    agree with Working your stuff out, loving self, drying out, a great relationship with self, etc. I like putting 90 days on that, but its probably me rationalizing just so I can get the comfort of a GF more quickly lol. Finding your mission/purpose/drive is important (maybe you already have that through career and interests-I don't know you), and yes, definitely a good social circle. Some people have 20 buddies, others have 1-2 really good ones. I usually ave 1-2 really good ones, a problem with that I have found is they may not be available, or they can more easily annoy you. Having five good buddies is helpful to diversify.
    I've been sober from drugs/alcohol for a while, which makes things a bit easier for social purposes, but finding a volunteer group you like..and checking out meetup groups too. Its easier said than done..but just go out and do things we love doing and you'll be around those people (the key of course, is discovering those things.)
    Skywalker11 likes this.
  16. Skywalker11

    Skywalker11 One day at a time

    I proved to myself that I can't handle the rejection from a relationship. I take it as God's way of telling me I'm not ready and return to working a great program. Last year I had 140 days of consecutive sobriety days which for me meant no masturbation, no sex, no orgasm period. Once I got into a relationship and things became sexual I think I became not so sober minded because all I could think about was getting my dick wet every time my girlfriend and I hung out.

    I had another breakup in October and that just wrecked me. I binged for a couple months. Now starting fresh again and I think no relationships is a good boundary to keep. I'm a love addict so it's really not good for me to be in a relationship. Need time to love myself first.
  17. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    “In a dark place we find ourselves, and a little more knowledge lights our way.”

    Write Jon Kabat Zinn on YouTube search.

    Look within. Ask yourself why can't you handle rejection? Why is this so important? Why is it that all you could think was getting your dick wet? Start asking yourself questions and don't stop when the answers start coming back.

    This was an eye opener for me.

    Emotion, yet peace.
    Ignorance, yet knowledge.
    Passion, yet serenity.
    Chaos, yet harmony.
    Death, yet the Force.
  18. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Most people get pretty messed up from rejection in a relationship. Breakups can be bad, for me, especially in a short relationship, yes, a short one. And when you get dumped, its 1000x worse. We have to think what we can bring to a relationship and sex is only one small part. Having a breakup in October and then again in December is a lot of relationship material in a short time frame. Just dont put a time frame on having to be single..a great girl may come into your life in May and you may be working on yourself..who knows..jsut enjoy life..we are here for your when situations arise
  19. Skywalker11

    Skywalker11 One day at a time

    It was a breakup in June and then in October. I hope both bitches end up miserable. Fucking cunts.
  20. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Wishing bad to other people only hurts you.
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