Attempt round 2

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by chrism, Aug 23, 2016.

  1. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 9 of being clean.

    Tomorrow is the day I go on holiday, I am excited, I just need to make sure that today I stay clean and carry on this streak.

    I had a good last day at work, got everything done I needed to and my manager even said I deserved a good break from work which was nice.

    After work I went to the gym and then came home and have been sorting out my stuff. At the gym I can feel I am getting fitter which is a really good feeling and today I noticed a few girls looking at me which was a real confidence boost, I didnt speak to any of them, but its nice to know that they were looking.

    I was gonna go round my brothers for dinner tonight but he cancelled on me, I was sort of using that dinner plan to keep me clean and not relapse so now I will have to be even more careful to not go there! just gonna be careful, maybe watch a movie and then go to bed and read.

    I was planning to take time away from the gym before the journey but with my plans this evening cancelled I see myself going to bed really early and then waking up at like 06:00, so might even go to the gym in the morning and then get some breakfast in town before the taxi comes.

    Any way, time to sort some more stuff out for holiday and then cook some dinner.

    Mr. Tony likes this.
  2. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Guest

    Congratulations for reaching double digits once again and have a wonderful vacation!
    chrism likes this.
  3. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Hey man yes! On day 10 of being clean.

    Feels good to be back here again.

    Last night I have some pretty intense dreams, these were all about my first real GF and were very vivid. They were however much more related to being close with her, and more of a sensual type of dreams than a P dream. To say the least my mind is kind of on overload right now. It is 07:40 in the morning, I am getting picked up at 12:15 for holiday, so the next 4 and a bit hours are going to be my danger time.

    I have a few things to do which I am going to use to keep myself occupied;

    - have a small bit of food now
    - Clear my camera memory card ready for holiday
    - make sure I have everything I need packed and ready to go (just throwing stuff in a bag)
    - take the rubbish out and tidy my flat
    - check the time and see if there is time to go to the gym and get a snack on the way home
    - shower and get dressed ready to go

    I think the above is do able, I just have to keep focused and don't mess up.

  4. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Amazing! very happy for you. As a word of caution what happened to me on day 10 of being 100% clean was I saw a video(non-porn) and the girl made me receive a super hard erection. It felt nice and it caused me to revert back to my old ways. What I should have done is enjoy it and let it go. In about 30 minutes it goes away. If you choose to follow through with it, your brain will only know one way, PMO. Be aware, be cautious and most importantly be prepared.
  5. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 11 of being clean.

    Been super busy today and rand ally enjoying seeing the local areas and the people here are so nice.

    I am glad to have made it to double figures, I don’t see myself having too much difficulty with staying clean during this holiday as I am sharing a room with my brother and will be very busy over the next week.

    I have bought myself a sim card for internet access but will only be using it for researching things to do for this holiday and fit communication with my manufacturers. I have blocked all others sites.

    I’ll be back here to stay focused on being clean.

  6. straightlines

    straightlines New Member

    Congrats on the double digits again! Been following the rollercoaster, great to see you still chugging along being optimistic!
    chrism likes this.
  7. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Think I am on day 13 of being clean, but confused with the time deference...

    I am feeling good and yesterday had a really good day where I ended up at a bar and was chatting with the bar maid for ages, she was so cute and I had a really good time getting to know her. I didn’t get her number or anything but said I would go back to see her again. I spoke with my parents about her, but we came to the conclusion that because we are like 3 to 4 thousand miles from home there is not much point in pursuing anything.

    But it was great fun speaking with her and makes me think about finding someone to be with again.

    This probably highly related to me being clean for almost 2 weeks, I am feeling the urge to be close with someone, yearning for the physical touch of a woman.

    I think as a result of my interaction last night I then woke up with super vivid thoughts about that last girl I was seeing. Playing over our time together being physical. This lasted for a while but all the time I was trying to make myself stop playing these scenarios over in my head. I finally managed to stop myself and was able to get back to sleep.

    I am glad I am on holiday now and have loads of things to fill my time. I am going to keep focusing on Just being clean, making these days tick on bye and push for my longest clean streak in hard mode. I am wondering now how I will feel if I make it to 21 days clean. I feel really good now, much more confident, I guess this will only improve. Can’t image what 90 days clean in hard mode will feel like, but method is a good start that could lead there.

    Just taking it one day at a time.
    A New Man and Caesura like this.
  8. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    This is big. Before we learned about the P addiction and the reboot none of us knew it was possible to change our thoughts- i mean maybe some did, but the vast majority of people are literally swept along by the flow of their thoughts, regardless where they take them. The more we do this the stronger we get.

    Have a great break man!
    chrism likes this.
  9. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 14 of being clean.

    Had a wet dream last night, this shows I’m healing. The dream was very vivid and this was a bit stressful when I woke up but was a good reminder of not wanting to give up and go back to P.

    @A New Man , thanks bud, yes it was a good feeling to be able to overcome the thoughts.
  10. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Ok I was on day 18, I got back from holiday and got a massive wave of craving.

    I PMO'd 5 times. I finished work today, got home and PMO'd again. I don't think I will do it again, but came here to just make a note of it and then get on with other things.
  11. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    The craving>relapse was probably linked to returning back to work after downtime and the stress of that/anticipation of stress. I had some massive relapses around xmas several years running because I couldn't handle the change of routine. Next time you'll be ready for it.

    The trickiest bastard for me is sickness. It would get me before I even had physical symptoms- I'd relapse and then 2 days later come down with some virus.

    You'll be right, just get back on the horse and keep gunning for that 18+ day streak.
    chrism likes this.
  12. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    @A New Man , yes you are so right, think the jet lag really took me for six. I wasnt expecting to be so tired after returning home and just wasn't thinking clearly.

    Still feeling it today, but feeling much more positive about not relapsing today.

    I relapsed 2 times yesterday, but the second time I was just like, " what am i doing? this isnt what I want, I want to be with someone in real life and improve my life not waste my time"

    So did not relapse again after, and today feelinging happier and less/ no craving so far.

    Got a fw things planned for today so going to eat and then go library before seeing a friend.
    A New Man and Caesura like this.
  13. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Ok, think I need to really get back into this again.

    The freedom has kind of unleashed a monster inside me. I relapsed 5 times again yesterday.

    My friend cancelled on me and I spent a lot of time on my computer. I was too tired to go to the library and then when my friend cancelled the cravings just got too much. I might get my brother to reset the pass work on my mobile as well because its too easy to just unlock my phone.

    EDIT - I feel as though when I was focusing on being clean for my holiday it gave me a goal to work towards. now I dont have anyting. I need to start going to the gym again, but got a busy weekend planned which involved setting up all the admin stuff for my new company. Im going down to see my parents so hoping that will give the first day clean and then I can carry on that trend through the week and get back to how I was before I came back from holiday.
    Caesura likes this.
  14. Mr. Tony

    Mr. Tony Life is like a game of chess.

    Don't stop fighting, man. An 18 day streak is very impressive. You just need to get back to what got you on the long streak in the first place, and build from there.
    chrism likes this.
  15. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 0.

    I did a day clean yesterday, it was a good feeling. Today I let the urges get the better of me.

    I don't think I really have my head in the game atm, to focused on other things. I am making good progress in my business idea and should be ready for selling my product for the christmas period which has been my aim over the last few weeks.

    I have work tomorrow and not sure my sleep cycle is back to normal again, but tomorrow assuming I sleep badly, I am going to try and go to the gym and that should knacker me ready for an early night to bed and then hopefully that will help me sleep through the night instead of waking up at 01:00 in the morning!

    I am going to try stay clean tomorrow as well as a goal, then if I manage that I might see if I can make it to the weekend.
  16. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Morning if day 1 bring clean.

    I have realised this morning that during my holiday I only did one day of proper exercise.

    This might be why I have had trouble over the last few days with relapse. I am going to do my best to go to the gym tonight and have a good healthy meal.

    I need to find pleasure in normal activities and I think exercise could be my saving grace.

    Just need to get back into that good habit and break away from the PMO habit.

  17. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Evening of day 1 being clean.

    Got home went to the gym and have been doing productive stuff since I got home, nearly ready to cook dinner and make my lunch for tomorrow.

    Really don't want to mess up today! staying focused and positive, I think the exercise really helped, Ill see how I feel tomorrow but will try go to the gym again.

  18. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    I did peak a bit yesterday, but gained control over myself and think it was just a small slip so gonna count this as day 2 to get me back on a roll again.

    Went to the gym again today after work I am shattered.

    I will take tomorrow off from the gym, and hope it doesn't lead to a relapse maybe go for a bike ride instead if I am feeling it.

    Today is a good day, made a really nice spreadsheet at work today. I think the longer I continue to try and be better at life (quitting drugs smoking and trying to stay away from porn my brain is more capable and focused). I have more ambition than I did a year ago. This could be due to having more time to myself to figure out what I want from life as well as leaving bad people behind and a not so healthy relationship.

    Life is not always easy and for a while there I was feeling incredibly down, but things are generally getting much better in my mental outlook which is nice :)

    Just gonna try stay clean tonight and get an early night with a book.

  19. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Last night had a little slip.

    Only watched one video though, so that is a positive sign.

    Back to day 1 today.
  20. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    I just PMO'd.

    I am definitely going to get my brother to change the password on my phone for my restrictions.

    Its just too easy for me to access things when I am focused on other things. I do find that I have to really focus on staying clean, and right now there are other things in my life that I want to be focusing on.

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