Attempt round 2

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by chrism, Aug 23, 2016.

  1. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 8 of being clean.

    Today has been pretty good, no really cravings and the day has gone quickly and been productive.

    I had some glancing negative thoughts but have over come these and moved in quickly.

    Went climbing and did my exercises and just had a nice healthy dinner.

    Shattered now so will just watch some to then go to bed and read before an early night.

    @A New Man thanks for the encouragement regarding finding friends. I do hope it will happen the same for me as it has for you. I always feel better after hearing about your successes :)
  2. straightlines

    straightlines New Member

    Best way to avoid urges.. completely tire yourself out so you can't be bothered. Good going on the climbing!
    chrism likes this.
  3. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 9 of being clean.

    This is where I got to on my last streak and to be honest I can see why, I have been fairly down and cranky today.

    Reminding myself that I am experiencing my brain leveling out and that this will give way to a more positive and happy attitude in the coming days.

    Work was good (despite my having a rather short fuse), did some renders and some other bits and bobs, so was good all in all. Finished work and picked up a parcel on my way home, my delivery was a portable tripod for my DSLR, it was a bargain to only £11 :), this will be really good for my holiday next month.

    This evening I plan to relax a bit, Im working this weekend so dont want to knacker myself for that. Gonna put the bits of my bike together and then just watch a movie maybe with a good meal.

    Cant believe tomorrow will be day 10, a month ago I didnt think Id be back at this level of recovery for a while, but very happy to have got to day 9.

    A New Man likes this.
  4. Mr. Tony

    Mr. Tony Life is like a game of chess.

    That is freaking awesome, man!! Keep up the great work!
    chrism likes this.
  5. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 10 of being clean!, nice to be back at double figures!

    I need to not get complacent! that is the key!

    Got home from work and immediately sorted some stuff out, did a wash load, and got myself ready for doing a painting job this weekend. I think it would be so handy If I had a van, but I only do painting on random weekends so really not worth investing in that lol

    Had a good day at work, very productive and have a very good meeting regarding the new website build I am managing, so that was really good.

    Off to see my brother shortly to have dinner and hang out.

    Feeling good, just need to keep this up, 4 days into the 30 I am aiming towards to make it to the holiday staying clean. I can feel that I am happier and way more interested in the world, this is a great feeling.

    @Mr. Tony , Hey man :) ha ha thanks bud, really appreciate the word of encouragement!

  6. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    That's awesome to see your at ten days man. Keep it up!
    chrism likes this.
  7. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 11 being clean of P.

    Had a busy day so far today, work was good and then finished and went straight to a painting job, sorted that out for tomorrow and then went for a couple beers with my mate.

    it was really good, but shattered now and feeling a little low. just gonna leave my phone away from me and laptop in the other room.

    Cook a good meal and get an early night ready for tomorrow.

    @BruceWayne , cheers man, just just gotta keep this going :)

    BruceWayne likes this.
  8. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 12 of being clean.

    It's Saturday and I spent the whole day painting someone's bathroom, I enjoyed it a bit actually.

    Normally I get to a point where I just don't want to be there any more but today I was focused the whole time and ended up with a really nice comment about how much better the room looked from the customer.

    This is the first time I have washed up my painting stuff straight after I got back home, it felt good to get that out the way for the next job. I felt I had a lot of energy today and I think because I have been doing more exercises recently it really helped with sanding the ceiling so improved the overall finish of the job.

    I have decided to go see my parents tonight which I feel is sensible as I have not really ever relapsed when I stay with them (it's kinda a safe zone for me).

    It's just over an hour drive to my parents and now I am shattered, I will definitely sleep well tonight!

    Thanks guys for making this site such a good place to help with recovery.
  9. Caesura

    Caesura Member

    Keep it going, man. Good job relying on your support network; that's an important habit.
    chrism likes this.
  10. straightlines

    straightlines New Member

    Day 12 yea boys! keep it up, keep winning those battles and you'll win the war.
    chrism likes this.
  11. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    @Caesura @straightlines Thanks guys, yeah that's it just gotta focus on the little victories and power on forward!!

    Ok it is day 14, made it to the two week mark clean again. Feeling proud.

    A few little updates, The night before last I had my first wet dream for a long while, this definitely means I am healing. It does however bring on some urges, as the dream was fairly P related, but on a very low scale so feeling good about that. also woke up and found myself Ming a little in the middle of the night last night, but stopped myself before it got too far, so feeling in control and relaxed about it.

    My mood has definitely been improving, I am so much calmer, feel at peace with life at the moment which is soothing for daily life. I have noticed that I am either making eye contact with girls more successfully or girls are just looking at me more, even had a few times where I've made eye contact with really pretty girls and weve smiled at each other, so feeling very good about that. I'm still too nervous to approach a girl on the street, but maybe this will come if I just keep this going :)

    I just got back from my first ever trip to the gym!, never thought id see the day lol It was fun, I got there and had no idea what I was doing, turns out you have to make the machine move so it turns on lol, must have looked quite funny me standing there trying to push all the buttons lol. but figured that out in the end, did a 10 minute mile on the elliptical trainer then went into the class I had booked myself in for. It was the first one available for my schedule since signing up to the gym and it happened to be an Ab session. It was tough, but only took a few short breaks during the session and can feel that I have worked myself harder than I do at home on my own so this was a good decision made, I will be signing up to more classes in the coming days!

    Got a busy few days at work coming, but feeling good and organised so I am ready to face it! Also only 3 weeks till I go on holiday for a week.

    Thanks everyone for the support and for being here with me through this journey, your words are a massive aid in staying clean! I will be readying a commenting on your journals, in the next few days but I need to make food and do ironing now.

    Caesura and TheLongWalk like this.
  12. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Guest

    Great news, that you took the courage to go to the gym. I'm proud of you :). Now, try to make it a habit and you will see great results in the near future.

    Also, it's nice that you feel rising confidence and had some nice encounters with girls. Keep the upward momentum going!
    chrism likes this.
  13. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 16 of being clean.

    Was super busy with work and climbing yesterday so didn't post here.

    Had another wet dream last night, I think it revolved around the stress of anticipation of running my first photo shoot today, I was so nervous the only sleep I got was short and ended up in a fucked up wet dream (revolving around a photo shoot and then turned into some kind of P scene dream)that woke me up at like 12:30 and the. I couldn't get back to sleep.

    So that's two wet dreams in a week lol, crazy.

    I am feeling quite worried about messing up so will make this a quick one.

    Feeling good, gonna have a rest day today as went climbing pretty hard yesterday (I'm definitely improving), work went really well today, feeling positive and full of hope for the future. Slight craving, but gonna just be sensible and leave my laptop in another room and try not to use my phone for the rest of the night (I need to get myself a timer for cooking - look into this).

    Went I feel less worried about messi g up I need to sit down and reply to people journals properly.

    Caesura likes this.
  14. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 17 of being clean.

    My mood is definitely improved.

    Last night I had for the first time in a long time a dream that was positive and not bringing up issues I have with my Ex or my old friends. I saved someone by being able to fly, it was amazing. Not sure what this means but feel as though it is a step in the right direction. Its been a hell of a long time since I had a nice dream.

    Got the photos back from the photo shoot and the photographer said I should put 'creative director' on my CV, so that was nice of him to say. The photos came out really well and my MD is happy with them so I am hoping I will be able to sleep through the whole night tonight, as I wont be worrying about that any more.

    Just sorted out my car insurance for the coming year and this kind of thing makes me feel quite cravey, but powered through and got it cheaper than last year and yeah feel like I have just got myself a good deal, and didn't even go on any other sites other than car insurance ones. Feeling quite proud of that.

    Gonna cut my losses now and put my laptop in the other room, having a chill evening, and might put a movie on. Feeling shattered from the last few weeks, but my manager is back to work early next week so I will have a bit of an easier time next week as he can manage the factory when he's back, and I can carry on with my design work. I look forward to his return.

    Peace guys and again, when Im feeling a little less worried about prolonged time on my laptop I'll be replying to people journals again.

  15. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Guest

    It's great to read about your recent success. This makes me happy. Keep on going :)
    chrism likes this.
  16. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 18 of being clean.

    Matching my best streak of this year. Feels good to be back here again.

    I have a proper plan now for busying myself during the day to keep me away from possible relapse. Today is normally a day where the possibility of relapse occurs after I get home from climbing, this time I got home and then went straight to the gym. I am shattered now so don't think I'll be having a late night, which is good because I have planned a few things for my day tomorrow, one of which is a class at a gym and then also going to go to the library and do some logo design and research into my business idea more, then after that I have organised to go and see my friend and watch a movie at his place. So will be a nice busy day.

    Today has gone really well, it was fun at climbing, didnt improve much since last time I went but did have a go at a route I hadn't tried before and was super close to getting my second hand on the last hold (i'll get it next time lol). At then at the gym I really enjoyed being there, I only stayed for about half an hour but did cardio the whole time and got a goo sweat going to feel like I have been productive. I need to get a personal trainer, because apart from the elliptical machine I have no idea what Im doing lol after that I decided to go and get a bit of food and went to mcdonalds (off setting the exercise with junk food lol). when I was waiting for my food I noticed at least 3 girls looking at me, It was a good feeling.

    Then just before I got home, I notice that my next door neighbour was walking just behind me so I had a nice chat with him then we spoke for a good few minutes once we had reached our door, then we swapped numbers and said we should go for a beer one evening so thats cool, Ill be messaging him next week some time to see when is good for him.

    All in all a good day of activity and socialising, which is a great example of how spending just 18 days away from P and M can really improve my ability to interact with the world in a more involved level.

  17. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    On day 19 of being clean.

    Had a pretty vivid P dream last night, it would appear that the frequency and severity of P dreams correlates with the what I have seen during the day. I watched the Tupac movie (well just under 2 hours of it) yesterday and there were a fair few 'soft P' scenes in it. wasnt even that good of movie tbh, so wont be watching the rest and will delete it now. So gave me so pretty P related dreams last night I woke up and M'd for a few minutes while thinking about that girl I had been seeing, but realised it was before sunrise (06:10), so stopped myself, got out of bed, got dressed and went down got my bike (its is now fully fixed an ridable as of yesterday evening) and managed to ride up to the top of a hill in the woods near my house and got there for just before sunrise (06:50) with my camera. it was very cloudy so didn't get many good photos, but the more I use my camera now the better because I plan on taking a lot of photos on holiday which will be in the next couple weeks.

    It is now 07:50 and I am back home and have just made myself so high fibre cereal with fruit mix to eat while I go through the photos I took and mess about with them on my laptop. I have about 4 hours before I will be going to the gym class I booked myself in for and then after that might get a bit of food and then go to the library.

    will probably be back here later as I am on my longest streak of the year currently and don't want to accidentally mess up due to not coming here instead.

    I do feel some cravings, but also feel so full of energy and excitement for the possibilities of the weekend its a really good feeling. I kinda wish I had quite smoking weed when I was with my Ex because I feel like I am a much better person now without it... just one of those things I guess, I'm sure when I find someone new that will be for the best because it can start with me not being addicted to both porn and drugs. Its now been over 9 months since I last used any kind of drug. feeling proud.

  18. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Ok dunno what happened there but I just PMO'd.

    I was feeling super productive and then was on my laptop just doing some editing of the photos I took and before I knew it had been edging a then finally a relapse then another one.

    I think it all stemmed from the movie I watched last night. I need to be more careful about what I watch. Also If I feel I am likely to have a relapse, I should just not have my laptop in the same room.

    We fail, and by failing we can learn from our mistakes. I will not let this ruin my recent good streak! I have cancelled the gym session unfortunately but I will still go to the library and be productive.
  19. APA

    APA Member

    hELLO, Be verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry careful it can turn into a spiral of relapse that can flush away your progress and self esteem . This is an addictive thing so hold tight . Like the pilot asks you when he is about to take off. Change your environment or do anything to avoid the spiral. A thought might strike you that i have relapsed so i might relapse one or two times then i will get back on the saddle . THIS IS A DECEPTION.
  20. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Guest

    It's okay, don't bet yourself up too much. You still made a lot of progress during the past 19 days. I think counting days can sometimes be counterproductive because they tend to negate the progress you have made. Like you will start at day 1 again but there is still so much progress during the last 19 days. Just make sure to not binge or PMO again too soon.

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