Approach Counter: 100 Women

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by ClimbXR, Jun 19, 2018.

  1. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Member

    I'm starting a new thread about approaching random girls at events and during my daily activities. It would be interesting to keep track and see how I do while I'm working on my recovery. I spoke with a successful "player" type guy years ago, and he said something so simple. He said "You don't really talk to that many woman, start keeping track and you'll realize that you stack your own odds against you." He probably had a point, and most of it has to do with anxiety and fear of rejection. A lot of us have this as a direct symptom of PMO.

    It would be interesting to document my next 100 approaches and see how they go. I have no intention of asking them out on dates or hitting on them. Just engaging in some banter, hopefully making them smile.

    Hopefully you guys can get some advice and also provide some witty commentary.

    I'll try to be realistic and aim for 1 new woman a day. I'll also keep a spreadsheet that I will analyze and tabulate later once the 100 days are up!
     
  2. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Member

    I have been at home and around my neighborhood and there have been no girls my age to talk to! I'll be venturing to the city soon every day where there are more people in my age group. Going to try to some events as well where there will be tons of people. This might take more than 100 days but the goal is if there's is a girl around my age in sight, I talk to her no matter what.
     
  3. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    rooting for you bro. Great idea. I may try something similar in future but not now.
     
  4. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    First approach is the hardest!after that itll get easier. Interested to see if you can do the first
     
  5. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Member

    6/23 Approach 0: A neighbor I see occasionally who is around my age.

    I saw her at the coffee shop. I said hi to her and she actually wanted to speak with me about some community issues. So this one doesn't count as approach 1.

    We had a fairly long conversation, probably 10-15 minutes. I was thinking about how I could have been a little bit more reassuring about certain things. Something to think about in more real approaches with people I don't know at all.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2018
  6. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Member

    6/24 Approach 1: Supermarket girl.

    I was in the supermarket and there was this super cute dark haired girl in a sundress looking at the Avocados for way too long. So I told her there's a secret to see if they are ripe by "pressing the button." She smiled and we had a little chat about how pricey they have become in our neighborhood. She smelled wonderful and as we were talking she seemed to be inching towards me. By the end of the conversation I learned she had a husband and a little kid. But she was so flirty and incredibly fit and good looking. I'd say she was around 35 but looked incredibly fresh. Not a lot of makeup. It was a fun approach!
     
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  7. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Well hard part is over. Do that again everyday
     
  8. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Member

    I've been stuck at home working on a project and couldn't go out past few days. Hopefully next week I can figure out a way to be out and about to do my other 99 approaches. I definitely haven't given up and will continue documenting in the weeks to come!
     
  9. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Member

    Once again it's Sunday and stuck at home because of project and heat wave. I will continue to document every approach and encounter. Hopefully going forward I might do more than one approach a day when I'm out and about.
     
  10. Living

    Living Active Member

    Exposure therapy done well is a great way to deal with anxiety. I have done similar things that weren't focused on women but on people in general and it worked really well for me. I'm a lot less anxious in approaching strangers in public. Not saying the anxiety is all gone, but it made a very noticable difference. The thing you describe kind of reminds me of a story by Albert Ellis, one of the founders of cognitive behavioural therapy. I thought it would probably be somewhere online, so I googled "Albert Ellis girls":) Here you go:

    I think there are a couple of things that might help you a bit:

    1. Plan. Your original plan was to approach one woman a day and now, two weeks later, you approached exactly one woman. So that's not according to plan:) I see you mentioned some reasons why you did not do this, but to make this work you really need to plan this and be specific about it. Work with SMART criteria if that's what it takes. Especially the first few times reserving some time in your agenda can really help you to get this going. What I would do for example is I would hit the town for an afternoon, had some things planned and combined one or two exposures with that. Like, I planned to ask a stranger directions to the library.

    2. If you are uncomfortable with this start with easy targets. There are people that are payed to serve you, make use of that:) If you need to buy some clothing, go to a store, pick some stuff you like and ask a saleswoman if it looks well and if she has any advice. Have a little chat with her, nothing too fancy. Besides talking to a woman you will probably get the bonus of going home with clothes that look better on you than the once you picked yourself. And that's just an example. If you start looking for it there are tons of options.

    3. Don't limit yourself too much. You said you are not going to use this to hit on girls or getting a date, then why limit yourself to woman your own age? In the end getting a date is probably your goal (and that's a good thing), but at this stage just focus on becoming more comfortable with approaching women in general. Like Ellis the task is to "set out to approach females! Young, old, tall, short, all of them!" This means you will have more options (instead of one in two weeks) and it will increase your social skills with women in general.

    Good luck! Hope you do well.
     
  11. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Member

    Thanks, @Living. These are great tips and I will use them. I definitely am not smooth when I talk to strangers (particularly women). I'm not sure if I have full blown anxiety, but something is there. I'm good with people I know, but I want to be able to break the ice with anyone first time, easily.

    Baristas and salespeople are great practice, as they are trained to be friendly.

    But I want to focus on complete strangers who have no obligation to talk to me to see their reactions. I'm planning 3 weekly events to go to where I will be with many strangers. I totally agree with exposure therapy!




     
  12. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Member

    I can report I had 6 micro encounters with service workers which were really boring. We spoke about food, the weather or items of clothing they were wearing. Every encounter got cut short because it was crowded. So I decided not to document them because they were truly short and boring. The beauty of service workers is that they have no choice but to respond. Some are more friendly than others and over the years I've even made friends with some Baristas. Going forward, I'd like ever encounter to be on the longer side so I can document the conversation and test out lines. So, just saying that I am still on this thread. Expect to see more detailed reports for Approach #7 to Approach #100.

    **Side note: Years ago, I went on a really weird "date" with a girl who worked at sandwich shop. She looked like a heroin addict--rail thin and ghostly looking, but she was super talkative, friendly, and had insanely perfect teeth (maybe dentures) . It's an encounter I tried to forget about because it was really weird. (we went to a burger joint and drove around listening to rap music). She then said she was seeing someone and for me to not contact her ever again. She came from a religious family and spent time as a missionary in Guadalajara where her roommates head got chopped off. **
     
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