An excellent ebook about how to convert Allen Carr's quit smoking method to use to quit PMO

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by manofk, Jan 9, 2017.

  1. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear varunsharma...if you M w/o P then you are not relapsing. Of course eventually you would want to quit that too.

    One more thing, please do look at your 'irrational beliefs- iB' in addition to P.
    Find books written by Dr Albert Ellis on cognitive behavioral therapy.
    A good site is book4you.org.

    For example, some of your iBs are
    (a) I should/must ( Dr Ellis calls this as musterbating ) exercise, study and be fruitful ever single day of my life
    (b)Catastrophizing/ awfulizing.... if I don't then my life is wasted , oh it is so awful my life if I don't perform/ do well.
    (c) Low Frustration Tolerance today I PMOed .. omg what is the use of reading all the books and forums. Oh my goal was to not even do M but here I am a failure as I relapsed and MOed.
    and (d) Self/other Rating ...others/ my friends / forum readers are doing no PMO for N number of days but I can't so I am a hopeless case. I felt good y'day since I studied well and was fruitful but today I didn't so.. I am going down.
     
  2. varunsharma

    varunsharma New Member

    looking on these things, didnt knew there was so much study on topics like these.
    this stuff is worthy to read.

    also le_petit_moster I would like to give a suggestion for the book.
    https://www.dropbox.com/s/tdos9gk4ywo8hk3/End Porn Addiction.zip?dl=0
    https://www.dropbox.com/s/0mm8kha8ue0i68l/Silent-End Masturbation Addiction.zip?dl=0

    these are 2 subliminals links, i.e. recordings that have affirmations to cure porn and masturbation addiction .
    I think listing to them helped me a lot as well .
    https://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com...sturbation-porn-addiction-subliminal-s.10795/
    this is the entire thread for it.
    If you can update the book with these , it will be of great help to people.\

    and thanks for the constant interaction.
     
  3. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear Wanderingsoul...
    They are different.
    But the 'unbrainwashing' process is the same.
    The big monster ( brainwashing/ illusions) and little monster ( withdrawal pains ) are pretty much the same.
     
  4. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear varunsh...I have updated the hackbook with your links. Thank you.
    Link :https://sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy/home/07-01-download
     
  5. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear all...
    An excerpt from Alain De Button's book 'How to think more about sex"
    Emphasis mine to show the importance of experiencing healthy boredom and a bit of constructive worry.

    ""Pornography, like alcohol and drugs, undermines our ability to endure certain kinds of suffering which we have to experience if we are to direct our lives properly. More specifically, it reduces our capacity to tolerate our ambiguous moods of free-floating worry and boredom. Our feelings of anxiety are genuine but confused signals that something is amiss, and so need to be listened to and patiently interpreted – processes which are unlikely to be completed when we have to hand, in the computer, one of the most powerful tools of distraction ever invented. The entire internet is in a sense pornographic, a deliverer of a constant excitement that we have no innate capacity to resist, a seducer that leads us down paths that for the most part do nothing to answer our real needs.

    Furthermore, the ready availability of pornography lessens our tolerance for the kind of boredom that grants our mind the space it needs to spawn good ideas – the creative sort of boredom we may luxuriate in during a bath or on a long train journey. Whenever we feel an all but irresistible desire to flee from our own thoughts, we can be quite sure there is something important trying to make its way int our consciousness – and yet it is precisely at such pregnant moments that internet pornography is most apt to exert its maddening pull, assisting our escape from ourselves and thereby helping us to destroy our present and our future.""
     
    TheLongWalk likes this.
  6. varunsharma

    varunsharma New Member

    @le petit monster , need your help on this thing


    I relapsed on day 44 last day.I have had streaks of more than 20 days from the previous 4 months.
    i have noticed that usually whenever i relapse after these days , it is because of some bad thoughts .
    for example i feel sleepy throughout the days for 4-5 days. bad thoughts about myself being less from my peers, exams not going well , not able to concentrate and so on. thoughts that i would never be able to have a normal life which everyone have , i.e life consisting of energy , life consisting of some concentration , not making too much fantasies and all. the symptoms of porn addiction , like sleepiness , loss of energy . loss of concentration will never go and i will have to lead a poor life.

    all this leads to very depressing thoughts ., i keep on having urges about watching porn and sometimes i end up opening utube for sexual videos , sometimes i even end up opening a porn page , but k9 always stops me.
    right now i have k9 for my laptop , and i will install k9 in any laptop that i get , but i also have a smartphone which has google chrome or other browsers using which i can easily access porn, specially in a bad moment . right now i have uninstalled every browser and even google play store from my due to which i cant access porn from my phone.
    but the fact that in a year or two i am going to have a smartphone with browsers and google play store makes me fear that i will end up watching porn at that time as well and hence i will have to live my life with unfulfilled desires, low energy etc. All these thoughts coupled with old porn memories , or fantasies of having sex with a girl ,and just the ringing of the bell in mind constantly saying go watch porn finally make me do it.

    can someone please help about this topic.
    maybe i should just wait for 90 days , expect no improvement in 90 days, keep myself away from any and absolutely any sorts of stress or bad thoughts and then once i am rebooted successfully , i will not watch porn again.

    in these 44 days or i should say since august i have seen lots of improvements in my self. I have at least come to the point where i can concentrate in a 2 hr class without much difficulty. 1-2 year earlier i was not able to concentrate even for a single moment in any of my classes , (i am currently pursuing btech).Now i at least have mixed days , some days i have normal amount of energy , i can concentrate easily even when i am doing self study , i do not feel sleepy throughout the day after sleeping 7-8 hrs .But other days even 10-12 hrs sleep is not enough and i feel sleepy throughout the day or i for the majority of the day ,i am absolutely not able to concentrate no matter what (recently i had my exams , i was able to study for 3 exams , although this studying was also very inefficient , but in the other 2 exams i just couldn't study for a single minute).
    these things give me hope that at least i will be able to live my life with some efficiency , unlike 2 years ago when i just couldn't do anything .But also this makes me feel that i will never be able to give my best in life ever , and i would have to deal with these good and bad days .
    these thoughts coupled with porn urges make me relapse finally.

    also just to mention , i have masturbated once a week during these 44 days.but always without porn or fantasies.


    also i sometimes just keep thinking about past or the future , make fantasies in which i am just acting cool with my friends, interacting with girls and so on. perhaps to make myself feel good in my fantasies and as a medium of escape from the real world.

    sorry for poor English and unorganized way of presenting my problems , if you feel you could not understand something , please write and i will try to make my point more clear.

    please help.
     
  7. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Dear varunsharma...
    Congrats for being free of your chains for 44 days.

    Here are my observations, but before that, please note these 4 iBs ( irrational beliefs) now. Self-Rating, Low frustration tolerance, Catastrophizing and Rigidity ( should/ must/demand).

    I am going to now dissect your message and help you find these iBs.

    You will then actively and forcefully “Dispute” each one of them with rational, empirical evidence based facts. Ok ? Ready ?


    • You are ‘self-rating’ yourself in the area of “ career / performance” etc. Either you yourself or your parents or society has instilled in you some “rigid” values. I am not asking you to give up on goals and achievements. But ask yourself if your self-flogging is helping you reach your goals and even if so are you enjoying the journey ?

    • Your "rigid" expectations of this hackbook demands that you should never ever have sex thoughts. Drop this rigid shoulds and musts. You can celebrate your 44 days of no-porn ? no ? Don’t demand that your brainwash have to go away in the first attempt. Try reading the hackbook and build your own rBs ( rations beliefs) as well.

    • I see ‘never’ , ‘always’ and other rigid absolutist words in your vocabulary a bit too many times ? Would you agree that it has to do with the ‘catastrophizing” effects of your iBs making you predict your future ? Dispute dispute dispute this iB. Look for the good things you have in life. Or better still just you living this life is all the good that is needed.

    • Accept the fact that at this point Porn is not killing you. It is your iBs about this little unwanted episode in your life and your way of dealing with it is posing as the killer. Your Rigidity brings out the LFT ( low frustration tolerance) in you. Accept yourself as you are. Well you didn’t get P out of your life at your first attempt ? so what ? Got to it again. Compare your last 44 days to the 2 yrs before that ? Get my point ?

    • No need to mention you masturbated w/o P - that is natural and if you would like to you can stop that as well, probalby after you get a real SO in your life- which I am guessing is a vacant spot yet to be occupied ?
    I am sure once you are aware of the 4 iBs above you will see why I am a bit judging in my writing above.

    But again- don’t fall into the trap that i found myself in after learning about the iBs from Dr. Alber Ellis’ books. I immediately applied the iBs against the iBS ..lol. You see, I then started demanding that I don’t demand. Felt LFT whenever I felt frustrated. Catastrophize about catastrophizing. And self-rated myself about how well I ‘Disputed” and dealt with the same iBs.


    Our mind is a conniving thing- but once you are aware of its workings and accept it unconditionally and with love and as it is you can gain ( some) control.

    I wish you well. Cheers.
     
    varunsharma likes this.
  8. tricking mind

    tricking mind Member

    THose ibs are the main cause of relapse like we r worthless ,never will find actual love,never will able to do in career,our peers will always better than us ,whatever i will do i will always less than other ,i will never b able to enjoy our life to fullest.
    I Think these comes with the negativity of pmo, as some said that our thought become us so pmo reduced our standard and become dissatified with life that only possible outcome is to escape reality and for that pmo fantasy mo are the best things.we have to excercise our mind to substitute these negative thinking into positive thinking like if our thought says we r less than our peers say to yourself we r equal to peers .these things have to excercise for atleast six month to change that thinking patterns.
     
    le_petit_moster likes this.
  9. varunsharma

    varunsharma New Member

    I do think that I have some rigid values about my career , that I want to have a nice paying job( what limit does this nice have I don't know myself ) , but indeed I have expectations of being successful in my future. This leads me to compare myself with others , and makes me feel that I should study more and that I should constantly improve. This does make me feel bad about the journey , far far away from enjoying it . But I also think that these expectations are the reason I try to work harder and harder . Perhaps I should just let go of what others will think about me, what kind of future I will have.
    To get the NICE paying job I want , I feel compulsive to study more and more , and whenever , I feel sleepy , have low energy I feel bad about those things , get frustrated as well .
    But even worse is that I fear that if I do not have a nice sleeping pattern(I sleep for 10-12 hours and still feel sleepy on those bad days), I don't have the energy, then how will I ever be able to enjoy my life to the fullest.

    my demands of having no sexual fantasies are not demands , these fantasies just make me fear that I may end up relapsing due to them , thats why I demand not having sexual fantasies . Maybe I should just try to ignore these fantasies as much as I can , and even if they still happen , I should just tell myself that they are normal and will never lead to me PMO , but I should try to avoid them just because they waste time , that is all they do. I will try not to get angered or frustrated or feared because of them , I will just try saying that I am free from porn , and nothing will lead me back to it .

    Your third point is also right . these beliefs of mine that I should study as much as I can , and make all days productive do lead me to predict my future and get sad because of it .Perhaps I should just become little carefree about what is going to happen in the future , and also try to study well , but not to have any expectations out of it and things will improve on their own. I will try to just map how much work I did daily for the next 3 months , and be happy with what I have done , and will not expect myself to study huge hours a day or have huge concentration or energy . whatever happens , I will try to be happy with what I have , with what I am doing even if it is nothing , and also try to be happy just because I am existing and I have a lovely family and some good friends as well.

    Indeed now porn is not killing me. Things are a lot better than they were 2 years ago , but the fact that I feel sleepy the entire day on some days , don't have much or any concentration , don't have energy just make me feel feared about my future that whether I will ever be able to escape all these bad days, and if not then how will I have a happy and successful life .
    Perhaps I truly should accept myself as I am , I should not worry much about the odd bad days I have . I should just tell myself each and every time that it's ok not to have the energy and concentration every day I will still do fairly good in my life and that being happy every day and not thinking about what is happening and not try to change it much will help . Although , I would still meditate daily , and exercise just because they are good things to do , they make me feel nice and happy .

    The thing about mentioning masturbation is that I feel that it hinders my recovery and makes recovery from porn take more time , also I feel it takes some energy and makes me feel more sleepy as well . And yes I am single , and I am a bit shy too infront of girls and hence don't have any girl friends so a GIRLFRIEND is a very difficult thing for me . But I am not much concerned about my relationship status , I am pretty normal without having to talk with any girl , though I would love to , but this is not something very important for me.

    I will make a kind of note to myself that tells me that these days of sleepiness , low energy, bad thoughts and moments are normal . the note will remind me that I should be happy about all the things that I have and not to worry about the future or the present due to this addiction or these things. I will read this note 2-3 times a day so that I can overcome any bad moment that I have .
    Also I would start saying positive things to myself like I am happy , am confident , in peace and all 2-3 times a day as well. Perhaps this would keep me in a good mood or atleast would give me the energy to go through the bad days.
    I have made a list of things like exercising , meditating , studying ,eating omega 3 rich foods , drinking green t and also working towards improving my skin as I have some acne problems as well. I will try and maintain a journal that tells me what I did daily and I would do this for 3 months .
    I will try and not feel bad about the days when I miss my target , instead feel good about what I have done and also look forward to the next days positively.
    In this way I will improve myself as well and also not be judge mental towards myself.


    As you have said in your book , I will be happy that at least I am free from porn and I see it how it is , i.e. a drug addiction . Things will improve on their own with time , I will just tell this to myself every time I have a bad day and would say to myself not to worry much about the future and also not to keep some rigid standards about everything.

    The note making and reading it for 3 months seems essential so that I always get reminded of how I have to deal with these situations , as they have been the main cause of my relapse. This will -perhaps help me to be in the right frame of mind for these 3 months at least , and even after that I can practice speaking positive affirmations in the morning and at night , just so that these things stick in my mind and I remain in a good frame of mind as well.

    Also I will listen the subliminals that I posted earlier and will hope that they help me as well.

    Perhaps this approach will work.Do tell me some other things that I should look after for.

    Thanks a lot brother , you have helped me a lot in this journey of mine . I wish that you always remain happy and keep helping others like this .
     
  10. varunsharma

    varunsharma New Member

    What all you said is for sure correct. I will try to remove these beliefs from my mind and exercise saying positive affirmations as well.
    thanks for the reply
     
  11. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Good luck varunsharma...
    Do keep a watch on ' saying positive affirmations' - just make sure you don't put the horse before the cart so to speak.
    why? Because- the very first thing you would want to do is to 'USA" unconditional self acceptance. * Your single situation. *Your seeing self-pushing is the way to 'nice job'. etc.
    I've seen many who affirmatively affirm so much that your mind starts to enjoy that as another sort of 'self-pushing'.
    Believe me ( I am sure many here will agree) - it is never the hard work that landed one to a 'nice job'.
    It may get you through good grades and hence get you to the best schools but then you gotta leave the boat after reaching the island. Hope this helps. I wish you well. cheers.
     
  12. varunsharma

    varunsharma New Member

    I just try to set some standards in context to the number of hours I study , the concentration and the grades I have and all . I believe that these things are what help me in getting the better out of me . But also , a lot of times (almost every time) I am not able to meet these expectations and then I become sad and I feel that masturbation and porn are one of the main reasons that I feel sleepy , low energy , and have low concentration and hence I am not able to study as much as I would like to . All of this frustrates me , angers me , makes me sad and maybe I use the PMO and the MO and the fantasies to escape the reality . Now onwards I will still try giving my best , but I will not care much if I can study or not .I will try and accept myself as I am , with the faults and all. Also maintaining a journal for 3 months and seeing my progress at the end will also help I think . I will try not to have any strict studying rules and all , I will just try to see the bigger picture at the end of these 90 days.

    I didn't understand what you wanted to say about the affirmations. I will just say the affirmations and regularly read the note that tells me that it is ok not able to give your best everyday . All I want is that I can say positive when these situations and those bad days/week come , because me not able to manage my emotions in those times make me feel down , and I usually enter a cycle of negative thoughts and low productivity and end up relapsing .Reading these notes will just help me to stay positive every day. In some time maybe some months my mind will get accustomed to this .

    Thanks again bro
     
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  13. le_petit_moster

    le_petit_moster Active Member

    Hi varunsharma... you are doing good.
    *** On the point of affirmations...I just wanted to point out and make you aware that self-affirmations can create expectations and entitlements most times. Especially for those who take things in life rigidly. I call them 'rigid takers'. Myself was one before. :)
    A more elegant and sort of version 2 affirmation would be " I wish I sit and give my best for the next one hour on this subject ( at school) and if I can't that is ok - but it would be super good if I did". If you find another way to control the "rigid" iB from entering here then please use it.
    Self affirmations are very dangerous IMHO for those who have demonstrated addictive behaviors. My 2 cents.
    *** the right way of putting the horse before the cart - in this case means the acceptance - the unconditional self acceptance - will come first and then comes the 'wishes' " desires" etc. If one don't accept oneself, and seeing the self as weak and needs discipline will abuse the 'wishes' / 'desires' to escalate to 'musts'.
    these are my 2 cents for what it is worth.
    Cheers and good wishes.
     
  14. varunsharma

    varunsharma New Member

    hmmmmm I now understand what you are trying to say .
    Will keep these things in my mind.
    Thanks
     
  15. Perigee

    Perigee Member

    I found this book to be incredibly useful. Unfortunately I seem to have already forgotten a lot of what it said and am back to trying to rationalize my old habits once again. Is there any suggestion about how to handle masturbation without porn? I just MO'd a few days ago, and I've felt like the chaser effect has been tremendously strong and am now I am struggling to reorient myself and not relapse.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2017 at 7:46 AM

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