About time

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Bobo, Oct 5, 2017.

  1. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Saville, when she died in hospital I was with her. The last thing she did and said was put her hand on my face and said to me "I have always loved you since the day I saw you when we were 19 years old." Then she closed her eyes and passed on. It has always bothered me that I did not have the chance to tell her how much she meant to me. If she loved me and I loved her why did we lead a life of so much hatred and turmoil ? Well it's over now, and I have to move on but can I ? You're personal story gives me hope, we shall see............
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2017
  2. globalelite

    globalelite Member

    Actions speak louder than words, you stuck with her through thick and thin where most men wouldn't, she knew you loved her. Would it have been easier if she'd not said she loved you? I think she said what she did because she probably regretted the past turmoil and wanted to free you and allow you to move on.
     
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You are not alone wondering this. I read a book many years ago on transactional analysis. One of it's premises is that even though we want to do something, such as reach out to our spouse, we stop ourselves from doing so. I lived this way for years, as have you and countless others. So, it isn't a question of love, but rather of layers of misunderstanding and hurt. In other words our culture fosters a whole lot of bullshit and we are forced to eat it.

    Yes, it's time to move on and you're doing that. It happens a step at a time. No big epiphanies, no feeling of inspiration that suddenly fill us with jet fuel to change. Mindfully, everyday, we do the little things, the minutiae, the mundane, and these things add up.
     
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  4. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Hello fellows.......today seems to be like others lately. Boring, uneventful and just plain crap and grey. To be expected. Ya know the only thing the wife and I did together was dancing. Since I am an Indian I guess it comes naturally to me. We used to go salsa dancing but a special type. It's called bachata. For those of you that have never seen it you can see videos on youtube. Been doing it for forty years or more as a matter of fact met her at a bachata salsa dance. I have not danced for about 5 years. Was thinking of starting again BUT you guys need to see it cause it may not be a good idea in my state. Would value your opinions .It's extremely sensual dancing. I want and need something to do that's social and meet women. Guys, boy does THIS MEET THE BILL ! However, you need to see it to see what I mean........ women go insane bachata dancing, all ages............
     
  5. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Globalelite......... Thank you for the response. I have often wondered if she regretted the way we treated each other, I know I have. Saville.........post was interesting as to why we all do this (speaking for myself here.) It appears that I ruminate on the past more now that I am trying to come out of the fog and mindlessness of the destructive lifestyle I led for so many years. I wish to thank all of you for showing interest in my struggles. Today, is a interesting day as always, bad fantasy this am almost slipped but didn't then took a cold shower and was ok. They really work. Remodeling 2 nd bathroom so went to lowes go get shit. It's here now let's see how long it takes me to start and if I finish, that's always been my deal, great starter but BAD finisher. I have been thinking of selling house and going somewhere, but then I realized I was just running away from the things I need to deal with, so that ain't gonna happen, besides I have no idea of where to go !Was rereading some of " No more MR. Nice Guy, last evening, holy shit, does everybody see themselves all over the pages or is it just me ! Anyway need to do shit around house back to bullshit work next monday. Later...............
     
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This book drastically altered my perspective of life. An important read for all men of our generation.
     
  7. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Today was a very interesting day. Went to whole foods for a beer and yup Heather was there. Interesting name for a black girl, white anglo saxon usually. She was very friendly to me, and then said you didn't call me is it because I am black ? I said Heather you have to be kidding me, any man would be proud to have you on his arm no matter what color. Then I said look I am 57 years old and you are what 27 or 28, and she said nope I am 31 and have a 4 yr old daughter. Why the hell do you wanna settle for a guy that's over 25 YRS older than you ? She then ripped me a new asshole......."why are you deciding for me what I should want ?" Yup she's right, I was so embarrased. "So are you going to take me out or act fatherly toward me. You can be my daddy, ( different kinna daddy than father )and she has that kinda smile that melts you." OK, I will give you 3 options, food and drinks at cheesecake factory, beer at a pub or I will take you dancing. What kinda dancing. Salsa. What kinda salsa ? Kizomba ! She goes oh God that's suppose to be the most sensual dancing in the world !Well ya wannabe a little girl or you wanna be a woman ? I don't know how to do it do you need special stuff ? Nope just swivelly hips and a sexy butt and thighs. Most women wear hip hugger skinny jeans and a top that shows waist and heels, like 4 inch. Oh yes they need to be strap type on top no pumps cause you dance in them. Why is that ? Because they are very sexy little girl ?Wide open eyes !

    From what I can see you are gonna be sensational. Ever see a black girl blush Will you teach me ? How did you learn ?long ago been dancing the kizomba for over 25 years. Oh my God my mother is gonna freak out she's a kizomba freak but never danced it ! So next Friday night at a Miami salsa club. Probably get one dance with her because every guy in the place is gonna freak out and line up to dance with her. Well what the hell like 40 near 30 says I lead can determine how much to push the gas pedal ( Sex)........ be interesting..... dangerous for me like Saville said but like my grandma said " every since you were a little boy you would go where angels fear to tred !" Right proved that with my life tore to hell !.............
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2017 at 12:38 AM
  8. Endeavour

    Endeavour Member

    hi Bobo,

    Thanks for looking in on my journal. I was sorry to read about your wife and was very touched by what she said to you before she passed. All we have is time and love is all that really matters. Take care and keep on keeping on. I know there is a point where this struggle gets easier and we can begin to see clearly again. It requires courage and the support of good people. Thank you for being one of those.
     
  9. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Well hell, another case (bad one ) of blue balls. Fantasy this am no touching strictly mental. Wtf fantasy was not about porn or had porn scenes. Damm does it hurt, found out cold water in shower helps. What is my body trying to tell me, no erections so whats up with the blue balls ? Heather called me today (gave her phone# ) last nite. Wanted to know if a mini dress was ok," Yup as long as it's real short and shows your thighs and real tight to show your butt." All the other women with mini dresses will look like that. Ya want to fit in dont you, I chuckled. )Gonna meet her at her place Tuesday and Wednesday nite to teach her the basics of kizoma, asked me if her mom could watch and get some instruction? Ummm, when she sees the woman's hip moves she may not want you to go. "Do you think I should bring extra panties! " THAT SHOCKED ME ! "If it's that hot I am going to need them !"OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO !" Very flattering, Saville warned me.....Damm why don't I listen most of the time. We'll I am committed now ! What a time to have fucking ed ! Writing in this journal everyday seems to help me, at least so far, will be a VERY interesting next week, work , what a bunch of crap that is. Need to turn on some kizomba music and do some practising myself been 5 years.
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2017 at 11:05 AM
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I need my own pair of clean panties after watching some kizomba. :eek: Fuck, dude, that's some a lotta hawta.

    It's great you were honest with her when you met at the store. She would have seen right through the other bullshit. I'm a bit mystified as to why she's so up front, but I guess that's who she is. Maybe she's trying to set you up with her mom? :D;) Obviously you've got some charm, Bobo. Enjoy it for what it's worth and don't fret about the pecker. You don't OWE her anything. Nice guys feel compelled to make women feel complete, to worry if they're having a great time, or not. Follow your instincts. I'm proud of you for taking a risk on having a good time in life.
     
  11. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Heather sent me a text and a selfie tonight. HOLYSHIT, I wish you guys could see the selfie she sent of the mini dress she's gonna wear TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER !!!!!!It's just below her ass and a plunge cut that goes to almost her abs that shows her boobs and she HAS them !,, with 4" spike heels. She writes"think this will be ok, I am so excited, guys just don't ask girls to go dancing! My mom and dad asked how old you were and then she said is he good looking, when I said yes and hes 57 my mom said to me and he's a good dancer"try not to fall in love next friday "and her and my dad just laughed their ass off . Do you think you can teach them some they wanna try dancing. My dad said from what I saw on youtube, you would have had lots of brothers and sisters if your mom and I danced it back then ! My mom got hysterical laughing. I hope you will like them." Sounds like a good family, seems to be lots of love and laughter. Shit, when we walk in club guys are gonna step on their tongues !Ha,ha,ha. A beautiful sexy sultry black girl in a Latin club. May have to get the ambulance to bring respirators ! Ya know what I am looking forward to it also and I miss dancing. Hmm, I wonder if she gets jealous real easy ? No ego rap,
    I am a good dancer and usually women come up and ask me to dance with them. Something tells me she ain't gonna like that. Oops........f
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2017 at 12:57 AM
  12. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Great to catch up on your adventures, Bobo! Heather sounds lovely. It's okay to take things slow. :)
     
  13. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Thank you Billy for looking in. " THE ADVENTURES OF BOBO !" Sounds like a damm comic book ! Ya know been a long time since I really looked forward to something, wife and I used to dance even when we were hating each other, was great dancing and she was hot even after I had run 3 kids through her, then as soon as we got in car the emotional and verbal carnage started. I stopped dancing 5 years ago, so Iam a bit rusty but 1 hour into it all will come back, excited to start again especially with a blistering hot young woman. Have I died and gone to heaven or is this paradise ? Gonna be a good week except for the work bullshit ! Later
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2017 at 10:58 AM
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  14. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Update! Heather just called me and said "can you come over Monday an Thursday nites also as well as Tuesday and Wednesday? I want to try real hard to learn kizomba dancing so when we go Friday nite I won't embarrass you." "You won't embarrass me Heather, beautiful and as sexy as you are you don't need to dance, you can just stand there and give that " pouty look " and the other women will want to kill you when their men go wild over you ! " . Ha,ha,ha. She says I told my mom" he makes me feel so desirable " laughs and says my mom then says " girl look out for those older men you will be pregnant before you know it !" Her and my dad grinned at each other and started laughing their ass off again ! My dad is 15 years older than my mom. Ok, be over those nights also and tell your folks will start teaching them also. And by the way I am NOT interested in getting you pregnant ! GOOD she says " I DONT wanna be pregnant!" Damm, going dancing and she's like a little girl with a new doll ! Wtf are these new generation guys doing, do they know how to romance a woman or just know how to play video games ?
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2017 at 12:47 PM
  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Wow, things have heated up quickly. Due to my cheating/sexting/online sex issues the above stuff is a no-go area for me. I won't even message women who I know on facebook anymore, because it has the potential to light me up in a pornographic way. I don't want to throw cold water on all of this, because I'm not you and everyone's triggers are different. On the face of things I think you are being brave to put yourself out there and God knows, you deserve all the affection and adoration that a woman can give you; we all do. :)

    So, keep in mind, as you read this that this is just me writing about how I feel. Here goes. What I see is a young, beautiful, woman who has a certain set of expectations. She is attracted to you and sees you as a stable, successful, mature, and fun man. In other words, you've got it going on like younger men don't. She has already played out scenarios in her head - first kiss, etc. On the other hand, you are an older man (not too old ;) ) who has a history and perhaps also have some fear surrounding how this will play out. I don't like to live in fear, but as an addict I know certain situations have the potential to bring me down.

    Enjoy meeting these new people, enjoy Heather, but keep in mind that this is your journey. Yeah, I've said that before, but it's something I continually remind myself of. Again, you worth all these wonderful feelings that are coursing through. Enjoy them for what they are and not for what they could be. As Shakespeare said "to thine own self be true." To me, this quote doesn't just mean being faithful to how I perceive myself, but moreover letting self-interest be my guide. I'm the one who is getting healthy and everyone else can fuck off! :D
     
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  16. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Thank you for your take on the situation Saville ! This may be one of the few places you can get "the real deal "from folks, like straight talk. Well, not only young women have expectations but all women, which is not to say what you say is not true. I have no real expectations, perhaps I am fooling myself but I don't think so. So ok, something she dosent know and I will not tell her, I used to dance competitions at this club and they know me very well. Used to give dance lessons also. I called today and it's the same manager as 5 years ago and I asked if many of the same people are still dancing there ? He's an old friend and was very nice, told him I will be in Friday nite with someone never been there and is new to Kizomba. He laughed and said your old dancing partner Sara is in town and is coming in on Friday night. She will be so excited to see you. How about you and her do a kizomba demo dance ? For those of you that want to see Sara she's world class. Look at dubai Latin fest on youtube 2016 (Kizomba artists dance with each other ) She's the 2nd dancer dancing with Morenasso, guy with man bun. Sara is , well you can see, let's see how Heather handles that ? That will tell me where to go with this. Kind of a sneaky test ! Then I will do a demo dance with Heather, the song being one I will drum into her at her house. Traditional Kizomba, very sexy and classy like flamenco. It will be the song Anais ( black dress ) and Morenesso dance to after Sara and Anais, called "Yearning. " It's a simpler dance than many of the others BUT is considered pure Kizomba. Ya know , I miss all of them ( Abir, Ababa, La.Alemànna, Desiree, Danny , Anais, Morenasso, and of couse Sara . They are all world class kizomba dancers, I danced with all of them. I couldn not continue with them because you travel all over the world and I had a family. Yes, it's about me, (sorry Heather) fully realize that, I think anyway. I am excited to be dancing again. I admit it its very flattering to the ego to have a beautiful young woman attracted to you. Been so many years because I was married and refused to stray because of kids in the beginning and then it was a mindless habit. Had so many possible encounters when I was dancing regularly, kind of regret it now. Onward, called into work today and took another 2 weeks I can do that, I get 5 weeks a year, wish I could tell them fuck you and your job. Grandpa used to say "shit in one hand boy, and wish in the other, see what you end up with !"Ha,ha,ha always cracked me up !
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2017 at 8:47 PM
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  17. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Sounds like... regardless of how things turn out with Heather, you're gettin' yr Mojo back on and have the perfect conduit for which to meet yourself a different someone nice if things don't work out. More importantly it's just great to see you're re-engaging a old passion! Go well.
     
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  18. Bobo

    Bobo Member

    Well it's 10 pm, just got back from Heather's.WOW, she is going to be a great kizomba dancer ! Her parents are very nice people. Her mother looks like a 25 year older Heather. Her dad and I really hit it off. At one point as I was showing some steps to Heather and I said "some people say I have to have some black in me cause I can dance! " Her dad was sitting on couch and drinking a beer and he spits it all over him and his wife. So funny. They are from Martineque,C
    aribbean and French, I thought some thing was strange because Heather has fine features. This explained it. Heather's daughter is just beautiful like her mother. Shes 4 years old makes me wistful for my daughters all 3 of them when they were that age. 2 weeks of Kizomba dance lessons and I can make Heather an intermediate Kizomba dancer. She really has talent and Shit those hips, all I said was sway your hips and HOLY SHIT !I will have her dancing beginning kizomba with confidence by Friday. Now mom !I showed her a few steps and said the same sway your hips,and she did and wiggled her ass at her husband Daniel. He went WOOW "be back in a while folks Paula and I have to take care of something in the bedroom !"Was so funny. I Asked Heather were they always like that she said " Yup, I was embarrassed in high school my girlfriends used to say "do you think they do the deed during the Day? Yup! All in all it was so strange to see a well adjusted family and made me painfully aware of the disfunction in my marriage that used to be. AH YES, bad fantasy again in am and MAJOR BLUE BALLS ! No edging or touching so does anybody with a retarded brain not understand its NOT below belt line but YOUR FUCK ING BRAIN !So fucking obvious !What I don't understand is why NO erections. Anybody got any ideas ?
     
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  19. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Can't help ya, there, mate. Sorry. I've been blessed to have no PIED, only just a lil' DE. Only thing I can think of is that it takes time to heal. From what I've read though, if you stay off the toss (and away from fantasy and subs) for a couple months it may very well begin to come good by then. It won't mean you're healed fully (by a long shot) but you're pecker could very well be getting back to functional by then. Now all you have to do is find a way to keep Heather at bay for that long!
     
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a great evening. :)

    You're right, it is all between the ears. I'm older than you are and I don't need any drugs to maintain an erection. However, this wasn't the case when I was PMO'ing. Before I found this place I couldn't even maintain an erection while beating off. Reboots take time and everyone's timeline is different. However, I think what 40 says about it taking 18 months is about right. I'm just at 18 months now and I'm still healing, still physically getting better. There are no quick fixes, though, and that is just the reality for porn addicts. The major stumbling block is that our brains wired to something that detached us from the physical act. No, not just detached us, but severed any cord to physical feeling. One reason I walk around with out my shirt and take cold showers is so I can feel life more acutely. Sounds like dance really ignites the good stuff within you.

    Being honest is always best and by that I mean honest with yourself. A woman can definitely help us get back on track (we need them) but we ourselves are the gateway to health, and dare I say enlightenment.
     
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