a short guy's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by a short guy, Feb 28, 2013.

  1. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    Yes, I do know. This is a defining moment.
     
  2. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    Great motivational ideas Rex. Thanks.

    I just watched that Seinfeld episode, funny, Seinfeld was a great show. I would guess that PMO-ing for hours late into the night does far more damage than straight masturbation without visual stimuli. Sex with my wife more often I'm sure would be healthy, sex daily would burn us out.

    I'm working a lot, out of the houre and liking that. It's relaxing. I'm not use to just getting out of the house whenever I want.... I'll quickly get use to it.

    Things will be improving. This is a real change for the better, more time for myself and my wife and for us together. It's time grow our relationship.

    Guru had a difficult life, much tragedy that she didn't deal well with, but also she was quite blessed. She was not an easy person, often not a nice person, yet she was well cared for by her family it spite of it and was loved in the end. She didn't die alone.
     
  3. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    I do appreciate ya'll who come to my journal and comment. Thank you! I have been continuing to journal and it helps. I apologize that I'm not as involved as I use to be on the forum, commenting and offering support elsewhere. Just journaling is what's working for me now.
     
  4. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    I'm so on shaky ground. The best thing to do is go to bed and sleep. I'll try.....
     
  5. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Best of luck on that shaky ground. You can do this.
     
  6. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Glad to find a familiar face. And glad to see that you keep on working working it. Blessings.
     
  7. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    Thanks WRAT. I'm doing this. One moment at a time. First priority is getting to bed early, up early, that I know will reset the forward momentum.

    Thanks railbird. Yes, "one foot before the other", looking forward to falling asleep after writing in my journal, so tired. Blessings to you as well.

    My wife comes home in 6 days. Immediate goal is to go to bed without surfing mindlessly. Next goal no PMO till my wife gets back home. Third goal, no PMO even when she returns.

    All's well, and will be even better when back on 10-6 sleep schedule.
     
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Congrats on getting back on the straight and narrow, my man.
     
  9. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    Thanks 40New30, really, this has been tough. So want to spoil it... and so not wanting to!

    Slep 11 hours last night, felt great. Had a much needed massage yesterday and the pain in my neck triggered a flood of tears, much grieving happening.

    I realized yesterday how much avoiding of difficult emotions I've been doing, with porn or other erotic imagery, with masturbating, with mindless reruns of classic TV, with lots of popcorn,.

    My wife comes home in 4 days.

    Off to work now. At work, I'm at peace, must be to do my job, and it helps tremendously to be focused intently.
     
  10. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Man, that is fantastic news! It's scary when you fall down and it's hard to get back up, very scary...I never forget those days.
     
  11. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Short Guy,

    Great news, keep up the good work, you're doing well!

    Those neck issues are nasty, my neck has been a source of numerous problems for me too. I have done a real number on the muscles in my neck by years of heavy lifting at the gym. The problems started with the trap muscles and it eventually worked its way up to the neck. Some days the muscles in my neck get so tight, I get dizzy, feel loopy, lightheaded, and get that flight or fight panic feeling. I have been doing neck stretches and have been massaging my neck muscles and I am doing better, but those muscles are so very stubborn and like to revert back. It's been a 6 year long battle for me, but I am starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel.


    ....
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2017
  12. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    There's always the temptation to not mention it. There's an embarrassment, maybe shame, but not so ashamed anymore, just embarrassed. PMO'd last night. Damn, an addict with all the knowledge and experience to more forward and do well, but with selective amnesia. Was feeling so much better. Stayed up a little too late, didn't go to bed when I knew it would have been best. Eating late, watching mindless reruns. Split personality, split reality. So, just, back to it.

    Talked with my wife this morning, looking forward to picking her up from the airport in 3 days.

    Had such a great time at work. Had a little tiny bit of sugar, chocolate, which generally I never do anymore. Was manic. Came home feeling top of the world. Forgot all about the scary stuff and the consequences of certain detrimental behaviors Sad.

    The neck pain is gone this morning. Stretching. Meditated. Feel OK, but a little tired and neck's stiff this morning.

    What aggravates my neck the most is PMO-ing. Locking my head and neck and eyes and breath.... tense, staring, holding my breath, immobilizing my body and narrowing my mind, no water, no food, too many hours. Revert back to terrible body-mind-emotion-breath patterns. If I get regular sleep, stretch, meditate and stay away from porn I feel like a million bucks.
     
  13. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    Now my goal is to make it till tomorrow morning without bingeing, so want to do it again. Just for today, I will not view porn or pornish or pornlike or pornicious nonsense. I will also not be touching myself.
     
  14. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Did you make it?
     
  15. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    Yes :)

    And just now I came here instead of there. Always a good move.

    Busy at home preparing for teaching a workshop today. Stayed well away from temptation. Now going to bed knowing I'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling good about myself.
     
  16. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Every day, merely waking up should be enough to make you feel good. Stay the course ASG/ATG
     
  17. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    If this were easy, it wouldn't be worthwhile.
     
  18. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I'm glad, man.
     
  19. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Short Guy,

    You present an excellent point, I am glad you mentioned it! This I believe is one of the causes of my neck issues. The tensing of the neck muscles while PMOing has caused me agony in the hours and days after PMOing. The more I PMO'd the worse my neck got. It has been one of my motivating factors for stopping PMO. It was one of the reasons why I came to this board back in early-2014 and had a successful run of being PMO free for 23 days during that time. It was also one of the reasons I fell after the 23 days. My neck only improved slightly after 3 weeks of being PMO free, I was very disappointed and depressed. I was hoping that my neck would fully recover back to 100% and that didn't happen and that's not happening now that I have been 2 weeks free from PMO now. I have learned to realize that I can't let that be a factor now, even if I don't see great improvements in my neck at least it's not getting worse from PMO. I have to realize that years of heavy lifting at the gym and PMOing for years, it may take my body a very long time to heal. So my plan is to stay PMO free, keep doing trigger point massage on my neck and trap muscles, and continue to do neck stretches. I do still hope that since I am doing these things along with not lifting heavy weights or PMOing that someday my neck muscles may go back to normal.

    Rex


    .......
     
  20. a short guy

    a short guy Active Member

    Made it another day.
    Picking up my wife from the airport tomorrow night, and busy all day tomorrow, so unless I simply choose to... I should make it pro-free through tonight and tomorrow. Thanks for the encouragement fellas! Much appreciated!

    Rex, Yeah, we know that PMOing and the stress that goes with it only makes those kinds of pains worse. The body is complicated, and there's emotional stuff as well as physical, and things take time.

    I had chronic neck and shoulder pain much of my life, car accidents, poor posture and of course PMO-ing. Now I don't have an issue at all unless I go back to late night sleep depriving PMO-ing. Things that helped me was stopping chest breathing/learning to diaphragmatically/abdominally breathe; learning to relax basically. Stretching, yoga, meditation. And I do autogenics everyday, especially at night to relax and get to sleep. I learned it myself from here: http://www.guidetopsychology.com/autogen.htm I also saw a physical therapists and chiropractors who gave me postural exercises and stretches. A main issue for me has been my poor posture, head forward, rounded over (the PMO-ing posture). I've been working on posture for 15 years. Slowly improving.
     

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