A new beginning

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by staythecourse, Oct 15, 2017.

  1. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Another day no PMO. I'm teaching a lot of crazy ladies this morning..and then crazy kids this afternoon. Its tough to get out of bed..I think partly because I don't want to go to work. Its a little depressing when I look back at the last few years..there were a couple years I was teaching tennis and running marathons, so I was fired up on that. And then my tennis business really grew and I was fired up on building it, #s going way up, building the website, trying to construct an indoor facility. Now I am at a breaking point. Running is ok, but I do it to maintain fitness. Tennis is something I do to earn a dollar, but but I don't even want to go out there. Im really burnt out of babysitting ladies and kids. People sense your passion too and know if you are not into it. Your #s go down. Mine have and my earnings are going down.

    I continue to feel stuck and look for "what's next." I meditate on this, but it doesn't get me there. Sometimes we just have to keep going. Get our paycheck, pursue our outside passions and interests, build our social lives, and let the rest happen.

    Stay the course..
     
  2. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    How comes all your customers are crazy? Do you work for some kind of institution?
     
  3. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    not all, but most. wealthy ladies..spoiled an not very nice. Kids too..say FU to your face..screw around..dont really care to be there..lots of tennis pros have gone crazy/quit/hated the profession..

    its not easy man, making a dollar is tough..Ive had cubicle jobs, sales jobs where deals fell through all the time..Ive heard being a schoolteacher can be rough..its not easy/fun, but I think its the lesser of evils. A lot of people partially pay me and screw me over. Whining about my job, I bet people flip at work. But it could def be worse.
     
  4. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Another day no PMO. Work has been ok. Tuesdays are a tough day on the courts for me, and I got through it. Nice to have that day done. I was thinking about the tennis world, and how, ideally, I'd only like to be on the court about 15 hours a week..after that the sun gets to you, the body hurts, the ladies and kids complaining, it gets ugly. Thats a really good goal to have, and makes for a good life. There are a few ways to accomplish that:

    1)Be a Head Pro at a Country Club
    2) Run a large Parks and Rec Tennis Program
    3) Run/Own an indoor tennis club
    4) Work another job, from home, with flexibility
    5) Run lots of parks and rec tennis programs, as well as school gyms, ymca's, etc.

    I continue to find ways to accomplish doing work I love, in a manageable way, with good income. I think my mind becomes clearer, and more sane, as I stay sober longer. Sometimes I hate tennis, other times I love it. I come to terms with someone who "love's" their work, and "work" still being a four letter word. I wish I used my mind more with work, but how much does a doctor or dentist or even attorney, really use their mind on a daily basis..vs. tasks? How much money do we really need to make to be happy? A whole lot less than we thing. How much "status" do we need?

    I know freedom and flexibility is definitely something I want. And bringing to the lives of other people. And connecting with people, in person. For now, I must stay on this path of slugging out lessons on public courts, and let things happen..while to an extent, I put effort in to keep trying to make things happen.

    On the sex front, I wake up kind of turned on every morning, but nothing really crazy. The weather has not gotten too hot here just yet, and I have not seen too many scantily clad ladies, so all has been pretty well on that front. For now Im just trying to balance the challenging work day.

    Stay the course..
     
  5. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    How do you do these longs streaks? Now also 47 days! Do you feel your emotions and urges are stable?

    It's important to have a job and actually a blessing to have one at all, but it's also very frustrating to spend a lot of time on things that bore or annoy you. I understand you teach tennis, but it starts to be boring to you and the people are not the kind of people you connect with. You are a sport teacher and at the same time gaining a lot of experience in (your own) personal development. That experience you may be able to use to help other people, right? Wouldn't it be interesting to combine that? To be a personal trainer or something, combining sports with personal development? I am sure there is a niche for that. It would certainly bring more depth, having morei nteresting interaction with people, etc.
     
  6. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Thanks, yes its a gift to do something I enjoy and be employed. Any job is not easy, especially as you make more $. But unfortunately, this does turn into a lot of babysitting (not training top players, etc.) I was really into it for a couple years as I was trying to get approval for an indoor club as well as website as well as a growing business..now it is all declining. Thats ok, as working so many hours on the court really beat my body up. I think combining personal development with personal training is an excellent idea..if tennis comes into play as well, thats a possibility. These are all exciting ideas and possibilities as it truly would have more depth and interesting interaction.

    Long streaks? Well first they come from pain. I mean the last time I acted out was in Thailand..I felt so empty in my soul..lonely, sad fearful..I don't want to go back there. And I contacted an ex lover who blocked me and it hurt like hell. Living this life is so hopeful and fulfilling. So one part is hitting a bottom. The other part is having support. Journaling, SLAA meetings, phone calls to others struggling with this..no fap youtube videos, building a social life, and trying to improve myself. I have to replace all this negative activity with lots of positive activities. If I just stop masturbating and sit at home lonely and bored, I might last a month or two, but then I'll get angry, frustrated lonely and eventually go back to what I'm comfortable with.

    What is going on in your life these days?
     
    TheScriabin, Londoner and cjm like this.
  7. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Another day no PMO. Rain has been crazy and continues. Losing lots of $ with the tennis business. Be careful what you wish for :). Im working less, and my body has some injuries, so things are working out as they are supposed to I guess. May has been a weird month. Im not as insane thinking about my ex lover married woman, I've slowed down a bit with all my social activities, and the tennis lessons have begun, but are not out of control. I have to be OK with making less money, and knowing I will be OK. The benefits will not be beating my body as much, as well as maintaining some peace in my life.

    For whatever reason, since I have gotten sober again, it has been tough for me to get out of bed. I feel as though it happens in the winter, but I don't have anywhere to be. There has been an overall slight depression. I read a lot about people quitting masturbation and getting fired up for life, but I'm still in that stuck phase of not knowing exactly what to do. (Sometimes its easy, like, go run with my running club at 6:30am.) Other times, when I don't have work or anything to do, besides errands, its not. I imagine this is a challenge for lots of people.

    Yesterday I noticed myself with my hand on my dick. Not edging or masturbating, it just happens that you've been touching it for 5 minutes. Its so subconscious. Its deeply engrained in us. And its ok. Last week I had a sex dream and found my hand on my dick when I woke up. Its part of staying sober through this. Some days the only thing I can accomplish is staying sober. And thats ok. It allows me to not ruin my life, get out of control, and then maybe the next day I will have a better day. Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life.

    Stay the course..
     
    Londoner likes this.
  8. Londoner

    Londoner Active Member

    You're doing great! Quitting PMO kind of brings you back to reality, which you haven't been used to, so it just takes some time to adjust.
     
  9. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    thanks, today was a rollercoaster day. but survived it.
     
  10. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Another day no PMO. Things have been rough. A lot of shitty tennis clients signing up for programs, and then pulling out on me. I have to remember this is the sales part of the process. In other types of businesses, its much worse. Deals fall through all the time.. Its amazing how much lonelier and more frustrated I feel, when work gets busier and I have this assortment of headaches and challenges.

    I went to a networking event last night..I always seem to struggle at these things. I think its the combination of feeling awkward at social events in general, and then add to it people being in ties, suits, having good corporate jobs etc. People ask me what I do and I say "I teach tennis." I used to say Im a tennis pro or I own a tennis company, now I just present myself as who I am.

    But its still a great place for me to make friends my age (I made a good friend a few weeks ago at one.) I came up to my friend, who's married, and he was talking to two asian girls..ding ding ding! One of them was very attractive. I talked to both of them for twenty minutes, and there wasn't a whole lot of chemistry, but it had some flow. Then a woman tripped and fell, and splashed all her red wine over me and the unattractive asian girl. I brushed it off, but the girl left the event, leaving me with the attractive asian girl. We talked some more, she's here from London for another month. I said we should hang out and asked for her #..she didn't give it to me, but I was calm and cool about it..handled the rejection well. She felt bad but it wasn't a big deal to me..I didn't even really want it, considering she's going back to London in a month. I want the next girl I date to be my wife (I know thats not a good way to go onto a date/relationship), but knowing she is leaving would be no good. Im well over hooking up.

    Life must go on. Its tougher these days to stay sober. Bad hump.

    Stay the course..
     
    cjm likes this.
  11. gavney

    gavney Member

    I don't think it's necessarily a bad way to be thinking about the next girl you date. You know what you want. Doesn't mean you need to talk about marriage on a first date! But you have an idea what you're looking for. That's a good thing.

    I feel the same way btw. No interest in dating for hooking up anymore.
     
  12. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    its good to know what you want. But a lot of people go into something hooking up and it ends in marriage. (I think.) Easygoing is always good. Looking for a wife vs. going on a fun date. Hang out, have fun, hookup..
     
    Thebeg likes this.
  13. Londoner

    Londoner Active Member

    I think it's more about hedging your bets - having a few options around - as not all will end up being wife material straight away.
     
  14. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    yes, date a couple girls. enjoy life. don't make it such a serious thing. Dating is about getting to know someone, having fun, not forcing anything, letting it all happen. Desperation is a bad place to come from.
     
  15. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Another day no PMO. Yesterday I did not want to get out of bed, and then I had to deal with a bunch of crap clients cancelling and pulling out of groups. Very frustrating, that they didn't stick to their commitments, and I felt suffocated from it all. Managing groups, trying to sell tennis programs, all of it was very draining. But then I went and I taught tennis. I had two great groups in the morning. They were very nice. The second group was the first time I had met them (another woman in town set them up with me.) It was refreshing..they were originally from California and very easygoing. One of the ladies was very attractive. They were happy to be on the tennis court, laughing and having a great time. These people were actually NICE! They had a great time, were grateful and couldn't wait until the next lesson...It made all the difference. I was thinking about how much I do hate the sales part of the business. All the cancels and headaches and BS. And that I do enjoy the teaching part of the business, especially if I have a nice group. I can't be on the court teaching 40 hours a week..my body will collapse..but I definitely still like the idea of teaching the sport 15-20hrs a week. And its a skill I have and can take anywhere I go. Hopefully one day I can find a way to incorporate it all.

    On the PMO front, I have had some slight cravings. The social event on Thurs night was tough and the ph # rejection wasn't fun, but it was necessary. Overall I guess I can consider it more "practice", and continue to meet more people and make friendships. That still is really the key and my goal--developing friendships. My social life has improved in a short time, but I must remain consistent with it. Im still excited for the future..my new passions/interests/hobbies...career/business development...new friendships..growth in sobriety.

    Stay the course..
     
  16. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Another day no PMO. Today I am going to serve at my church. Its a church that rents a concert hall out and its a really cool experience. A Christian rock band plays for a half hour, then the preacher gives a sermon for 45mins and then 15 more mins of music. The preacher is on fire and just inspires us all..hes about 35 and great. People who attend are in their 20's and 30's. I love that its young and full of good energy. We'll see how it goes...Im setting up banners, production equipment, serving coffee, etc.

    Last night I was feelin some loneliness but gave my buddy a call. He was helpful, as he suffers from this. He can criticize a lot, but I remind myslef he is sick and struggles too. I was glad he was there to take my call. Saturday nights can be weird..I feel like its the night everyone is doing something amazing, even though thats not true. Must continue this good path.

    Stay the course..
     
    dig deep likes this.

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