a little different theory

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by SimplyMe, Feb 8, 2014.

  1. SimplyMe

    SimplyMe New Member

    Hey Gus,

    I want to tell you something. My theory after more than 1,5 year of rebooting on this whole topic.

    Well, i will not tell you my whole story, you can read it in my journal if you want, but i had PIED, very very much.
    So what i found out in the last 1,5 year rebooting and rewiring is :

    There are 3 kinds of SEX.

    1. Sex with yourself
    2. Horny Sex
    3. Intimate Sex


    1.Obviously EVERYONE here know exactly what Sex with yourself is.
    We masturbat to porn (or fantasy) there are pictures which makes us horny, and we know exactly how to do it to get an orgasm

    2.Horny Sex knows also most of guys here, i call it porninfected sex, although there is nothing bad about it, but for people who has ISSUES with PIED it might be dangerous, because the same mechanism is involved. Fantasys.
    Even when we have sex with our partner we are in our head, fantasizing .. seeing pictures etc. It is a lot about physical stuff, like big tits, big ass etc.
    As i said normally there is nothing bad about it, but it might be a trap. I will tell later about it.

    3.And finalley, Intimate Sex.
    And this is something, what the most guys dont know here. Its sad but true.
    I found out what Intimate Sex is when i was 32 Years old. During my reboot.
    It is very different than horny sex. It is all about INTIMACY, about letting your self connect with the other person, about being in the present and not in the head, or in the fantasy.
    It is very strong powerful connection, and very satisfying.

    So here comes my theory.

    After all this years of having either sex with yourself, or/and horny sex. you forget or maybe never leanred how to have intimate sex.
    Then you quit PORN completely and fall into a huge flatline, and after weeks or even months you thing "damn, i have no libido , i can not get it up with real women etc."

    But its wrong thinking. Because you still looking for horny sex, but now , after the reboot you have to start to learn to have intimate SEX.
    Its completely different , but believe me, there you will have no PIED anymore. You will be able to have great SEX . But you have to connect with yourself and with the other person.

    I really hope you understood what i write, my english might not be the best, but if oyu have questions i will try to answer them as good as i can.

    I could write my story in the success forum, because i went from PIED to having great sex with my GF. But i do not look for horny sex anymore, not in the first place. I am now able to mix it, because i rewired! I have intimate sex and can add horny sex to this, and it is even more intense. But you need to learn to have intimate sex in the first place.

    Dont look for the horny sex, one night stands etc. You will be disapointed.
    But when you learn to have intimate sex it will be the greates experience in your life, there will be no PIED anymore.

    Good luck
     
  2. Mart71

    Mart71 Guest

    I agree about this, especially about the learning part. Many guys with porn problems are also sexually inexperienced, as was I. During my reboot, I went to sex ed sites to freshen up on the basics of real sex (which is not about "insert peg A into hole B"), because I knew decades of porn have completely messed up my expectations about sex. So back to the basics was a good thing to do.

    Many of the things you can learn on good sites like scarletteen contradict certain expectations from the no-fap universe (for example the goal of neverending libido for everybody). But that is a good thing, since it keeps you sane and much more prepared for a real partner, to whom you want to connect to on an emotional level.
     
  3. annabook

    annabook Member

    I think this is really solid advice, and I agree completely.

    What you refer to as "intimate sex" is something I've only experienced once, but I'm getting close to experiencing it again. It is a completely different experience than "horny sex" and, just like you said, ED wasn't at all an issue in this situation.

    Any pointers or tips to getting in that "zone"? I am genuinely trying hard to get there, and I've been close a few times with my current GF, but I'd be thankful for any advice you have.
     
  4. SimplyMe

    SimplyMe New Member

    @annabook

    I think the goal here is NOT TO TRY. But just be there.
    To relax, and most important to let your self "falling" Not thinking about "errection, porn scenes etc."

    Because everytime you try , you are forcing something. But once you learned it , it will be automatic.


    And by the way, this is the main reason for flatline.
    Because we left one riverside, but are not yet on the other riverside ...

    I have to repeat it again, once you learn to have intimate sex you should not have any PIED anymore, the sex will be much more satisfying.

    Its really worth it :)
     
  5. annabook

    annabook Member

    I guess that makes sense in a way, thanks. I think what I've found does work for me is focusing on her pleasure... like touching her face with my hand and looking deep into her eyes, feeling the intimacy and her... desire, I guess.
     
  6. nemo333

    nemo333 Guest

    This is true and I would say is a strong part of the problem.

    Intimate or old fashioned romance helps a lot. Touchy/feely., massage, holding hands, touching etc has helped me with my problems.

    Watching porn is unreal with enhanced actors. A bit like the matrix, what is real and what is virtual, messes with the mind.
     
  7. Fencepost

    Fencepost Member

    http://yourbrainonporn.com/the-lazy-way-to-stay-in-love
     

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