A hero's journey

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by neverchase, Mar 26, 2018.

  1. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    What’s up guys!
    I’ve been trying to overcome this addiction for 4 years, with no success. It’s time to do something different, and I figured I might need to reach out to this forum for support and encouragement. I´ve never really believed it would make a difference, but I’m willing to give it a try. I’m going to write a journal and post here regularly, so other can follow my progress if they want to


    I’m 21 years old and suffer from PIED, PE and porn induced femdom fetish. ( I Hope it is porn induced) I have had PIED for as long as I can remember, and I started watching porn when I was 8. It just spiraled out of control from there and I was using in multiple times a day. I have some sexual experience though, because over the last 4 years I´ve been able to heal to a point where sex is possible. But the EQ is nothing to be proud of and I often go limp during sex. I honestly cannot remember last time I had a rock-hard erection, which scares me. My longest streak is around 100 days, but it’s been a long time since I’ve achieved that. recently, I’ve moved to the other side of the world, started at university, and my porn habits have gotten the best of me again. I feel like I’m back a square one and it’s time to get rid of this once and for all.


    My strategies:


    - Meditate daily

    - Writing journal regularly

    - Reading success stories for motivation

    - Daily checkups on the “Brainbuddy” app

    - Exercising regularly

    - Porn blocker installed on both Computer and Phone

    - No touching ( I have a bad habit of always touching my dick )

    - Some yoga : This is to loosen up the pelvic floor. Bad masturbation habits have created this and believe it is the main factor in my PE.



    Alright, let’s start the hero´s journey.


    Day 1: No cravings due to relapse yesterday, but I´m ready for the chaser effect!
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2018
  2. Kranti33

    Kranti33 New Member

    Not bad. Carry on!
     
    neverchase likes this.
  3. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    Day 2:

    so far so good. I´ve had cravings today, and almost wanted to give in because i have such a low streak. the justification goes like " just one day, nothing to loose" But this time i decided to not give in to it. Been studying allot today, and I have felt so unfocused. I know this is beacause i have relapsed so much these last days. I think dopamine plays an important part in my focus, and i can really feel the difference when i have screwed with my receptors. Anyways, leaving to night for a vecation. It will be for 1 week and im looking forward to it. I will leave my laptop back home so that i have no acsess to porn. The only thing i will bring with me is my phone with a blocker that i cannot get around. This is the perfect start on this jounrey.

    See you later guys, ill be back on day 8 :)
     
  4. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    Day 3

    hello again!

    unfortunately i managed to crack the code to my porn blocker and relapsed on my vecation. Anyways, Im back on day 3. My friend has now created a harder password for me that i wont be able to figure out. As for now, i dont feel any cravings and i think i have entered a short flatline. I know from earlier experiences that this first faltline will be short ( 2-4 days) and my cravings will soon come back strong. These cravings are the most crucial ones to overcome, in order to get a high streak. I really struggle to make it past 20-30 day mark, but when i do, i usually hit a deep flatline and as a result, gets a high streak. I believe the real jounrey for me start beyond the long lasting flatline after 20-30days mark. i must admit that this is a rather unexplored territory but im 100% committed to get there this time.

    I´ve made myself a promise that this is the last attempt before i go visit a psychologist. It costs a lot, but I think it is some of the best things i can do for my self.

    As for my strategy, I have done all the steps today, and even practiced some yoga. I have bought a yoga book and I´m starting a 20min dayli routine. the first task in my yoga practice is to sit comfortably in half lotus while doing deep "ocean breaths". training the body to breath deep down into the pelvic floor is an essential part of combating PE.
     
  5. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    day 4:

    minor cravings today. Lifeless dick, but happy mood. I have continued to build on my yoga practice to day, I´ve spent around 20min on it. Was hard to get up this morning and i slept for long. I do believe a healthy sleep pattern is imporant to keep me focused, so im going to work on that. Tomorrow i will get up early no matter what, and im ready for day 5.
     
  6. Brit_91_kd

    Brit_91_kd Member

    Keep going dude!
     
  7. l1vefree

    l1vefree New Member

    Maybe you shouldn't wait to go see a psychologist. If it's a step that you've mentally attached meaning and powerful action to, then start now. You need all the help you can get my friend, we all do. I get that it's a big expense... but what would you pay right now to be free of this addiction forever? Porn is much more costly. Good luck dude! Stay hungry for change
     
  8. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    Thx man! maybe you're right. I have attached some meaning to it and I know that by doing so it only gets more powerful. Good insight, i will definetly consider it now :)
     
  9. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    day 5:

    Still going strong. I´ve been reading multiple success stories these last days, it really motivates me and helps me get that vision of a PIED free life. Still in flatline and my dick is lifeless.. But its a good thing tho, atleast i dont have to fight the cravings. I still touch myself alot, which proves to me that its just a bad habit, and not necessarily horniness. Im ready for day 6, it will be filled with beaches, friends and pretty girls. Should be enough to keep me distracted from porn.

    take one day at a time brothers!
     
  10. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    day 7:

    I´m hanging in there! barely....

    I could not sleep last night and I had a moment of weakness where i gave into allot of fantazising while touching myself. I know this will set back my reboot, but I did not PMO which is the most important thing.

    Besides that, I´ve experienced a little lower back pain and a spasmic/contracting pelvic floor. Its like my body really wants to cum, and expects an orgasm soon. I believe this is due to many years where i have abused my body with a very tense masturbation technique. I´ve always tensed my pelvic floor because it feels good. This is ofcourse bad and makes me cum faster, but when I´m alone with my hand i usually just solve that problem with constant edging. As you can imagine, this becomes a huge problem when i have sex. And this is also why is struggle with PE. At my worst, I´ve been able to cum to porn without touching myself.. just by contracting the pc muscle. I think this is the reason why my body automatically tense up this way when i get aroused. I´ve read somewhere that the pc muscle stops this kind of contraction when you abstain for PMO long enough. Who knows.. time will show. All i know is that I need to retrain my nervous system to relax when i get aroused. I will do this with a real partner in the future.

    As for now, i just continue with my yoga streches and try not to worry to much about it.

    my dick has shrunk even more and its safe to say that im in for a good long flatline, haha (;
     
  11. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    day 10:

    feels good to be here, longest streak in a while. After reading allot of success stories, I really feel that something has changed inside me. Like a strong determination of some sort. I have cravings, and I´ve had them today, but porn really isnt an option in my mind at this point. Its important to not get too cocky tho, and I still need to be on track. pelvic floor imbalanecs are stillt there, but im slowly working on it. I give in to some fantasies, but i wont beat myself up for it. As long as i dont PMO, Im confident that the porn fantasies will fade away with time, and return to more normal and healthy fantasies. Im considering waking up early tomorrow to see the sunrise, just because i cant remember last time I saw it.
     
    l1vefree likes this.
  12. Vinny Stapes

    Vinny Stapes New Member

    This is so good to see. I’m on Day 3 and I’m not going back ever again. Let’s Keep it rolling
     
    neverchase likes this.
  13. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    indeed my friend. Do you have any porn blockers? Whats your strategy? you need one!
     
  14. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    day 12:

    these two last days Ive noticing a sligh return of my confidence, and I´m able to sustain aye contact in a more assertive way. this is usually how I am, but its interesting to observe just how uncomfortable i become socially after a few relapse binges. I can really feel the difference! I have given into some femdom fantasies, but not too much.
    As for now im just going todo my daily pelvic floor streches before i go to bed.
     
    Vinny Stapes likes this.
  15. Vinny Stapes

    Vinny Stapes New Member

    Actually I don’t have any porn blockers and i really don’t have a strategy at the moment. I come here every morning to remind myself of the journey I decided to embark on & stories like yours and others keep me going.

    I exercise a lot now and I go out more often. When possible, I try to interact with girls as much as I can. I think it’s part of the rewiring process.
     
  16. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    yea buddy just go out and interact with them as much as you can. keep yourself distracted away from porn
     
  17. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    day 14:


    Im still on it, but I have had a difficult day. Some part of me really wanted to relapse, which scares me.. I fantazised allot and teased myself. I did not edge, but I touched myself alot. I know this is bad for the reboot process, but i wont worry to much about i either. What Im happy about is that I always had the opertunity to relapse, but this time i chose not to do it. In order to overcome this addiction we have to realize that we always have a choice, and if we relapse, it was our decicion and we have to take full responsibility for it. the truth may be harsh but its also liberating.

    now Im just going todo my pelvic floor streches before i go to bed.
     
  18. Vinny Stapes

    Vinny Stapes New Member

    It’s been a while mahn. Hope you’re still going on strong. Just checking
     
  19. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    day 2o: Relapse!

    Relapsed yesterday due to health reasons. I didnt PMO was just pure masturbating in the shower. I did this because i felt like I had to after all the edging to fantasies. My balls hurted for 3 days and i got scared and decided to relieve to pressure. Although i probably did not ruin everything, i will reset my counter back to day one. I really want it to be clean 90 days. Im not happy that i had todo this but atleast I reached 20days which is a huge imporvent compared to the last two months were i have not been able to go past day 3, haha. Im still confident that i can to this and im just starting form scratch, and do my best not to edge this time!
     
  20. neverchase

    neverchase New Member

    Im doing well buddy even tho I decided to let the pressure out. What about you?
     

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