36-year-old virgin

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Londoner, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Hi Londoner, I hope you manage to find some motivation again. cjm is right, try and keep the gym going at the very least :)
    And also pleased to read you managed 23 days quite recently, it's awesome that the power to steer clear of porn is very much still inside of you.
    Happy new year, mate.
  2. Londoner

    Londoner Member

    Thanks, guys - you're both doing amazingly well. :)

    My gym membership resumes this coming week - I froze it over Christmas as I was out of the country.

    I was really tempted to PMO just now, but came here instead. I'm still thinking about what my strategy for this year is going to be - in general, not just regarding P addiction. Obviously I really want to meet women, but it's always said that it's most likely to happen when you stop looking! I need to keep myself busy with my own interests for that to happen, and it will hopefully keep the depression under control too.

    Having said that, I still need to put myself in positions where something might happen organically, and I think CCW's advice about treating all women the same (whether I'm attracted to them or not) is key here as it will give me the practice I need for when it really matters. I've avoided being sociable at work for several years now, but I think I will make more of an effort from now on, without any expectation of romance as that can be disastrous.
    cjm likes this.
  3. staythecourse

    staythecourse Active Member

    He says so much that I cant say it all here, but some fundamentals are: Pursuing your mission/purpose/calling is essential. Never chasing/forcing/trying to create. Be nice to everyone. Be yourself and enjoy yourself..Go out to see your buddies, not "find women." Go out and do the things you love. Let them chase you/come to you (to a degree), if you like someone, go up to them and say hi, of course. And yes, it does happen when we are not looking, or seems to. This of course goes against all mens thinking of logic, creating, forcing, etc. I am in sales and it really goes against all my logic, but it makes sense.

    Going to the gym is slow. Take your time. #1 is just go 6 days a week. A habit. And do other things..book clubcs/salsa..whatever. Build up your social life and get out of your comfort zone. You'll be looking good, feelin good, busy and the girl will come. Oh, and if you are doing no PMO, you'll be stronger, more confident and really have a leg up on other guys.
  4. cjm

    cjm Member

    How are you doing londoner ?
  5. Londoner

    Londoner Member

    I'm OK but been better, thanks for asking.

    Had a bit of a scare on Sunday evening when I found a sizeable lump just under my scrotum. Spent all of Monday worrying about it before I saw the doctor this morning. He seems to think it's just an infected cyst, so he's put me on antibiotics for a week. Hopefully it'll disappear, but might have to have it removed. o_O

    Don't feel in a great place mentally either - I can barely look people in the eye right now. I don't feel any urges at the moment, so hopefully things will pick up once I get a decent PMO-free streak going.
  6. staythecourse

    staythecourse Active Member

    this too shall pass. Go through tough times to get to the peace. Just dont PMO. We are pullin for ya.
    cjm likes this.
  7. cjm

    cjm Member

    good news that its nothing too serious! :) Not so good about the rest, defo look into what we were chatting about on whatsapp. Ill try to get the details through work tomorrow but they may not give it to me as its through work.

    all the best bud
  8. Londoner

    Londoner Member


    Had a really unproductive day today - I just feel exhausted at the moment. Ideally I would have gone to the gym today, but I overslept. I also haven't eaten all day, so it'll just have to wait until tomorrow.

    Feeling depressed and lonely again too. I want to meet women, but don't have the energy to do anything about it - especially not talking to them!

    I have urges to MO, and in my mind I just associate that with P even though I don't have anything that I want to watch. There's no particular danger of relapsing right now though.
  9. staythecourse

    staythecourse Active Member

    Stay the course..a day a time..put some time together..and go to the gym..even if you only go for 20 minutes, its better than nothing at all. For me, when Im new at getting better, its not the right time to talk to girls anyways. Its like when Ive been out of shape..I wanted to go to the gym for a month first before I started to get my game on with girls.
  10. Londoner

    Londoner Member

    @staythecourse, yeah I agree it's not the right time yet, I'll give it a few weeks.

    5 days complete on this current attempt, and it's proving tough. I'm still in low a mood (and very unproductive at work) so constantly tempted to reset.
  11. staythecourse

    staythecourse Active Member

    Dont reset. You'll be so happy if you stick with this.
  12. Londoner

    Londoner Member

    Yeah, I was so tempted yesterday and again right now. I'm going out this evening though, and might meet some women, so I have that as moivation to continue.
  13. staythecourse

    staythecourse Active Member

    Besides meeting women, if you feel good about yourself by doing the right thing and treating people well, you'll be more inclined not to slip.
  14. Londoner

    Londoner Member

    Went out tonight and spoke to a few girls. Could have gone better - I'm out of practice and probably wasn't ready if I'm honest.

    Also went to the gym earlier in the day (for the first time this year), which helped with urges. I'm about to reach the 1-week point, which is good.
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2017
    100DaysMission and cjm like this.
  15. Londoner

    Londoner Member

    I just searched for something on Google and among the first few results were porn links! I was so tempted to click through, but thankfully resisted.
    staythecourse and cjm like this.
  16. cjm

    cjm Member

    Good work on everything, especially the no porn and gym, keep it up dude! I'll get back to you tomorrow re the therapy
  17. Londoner

    Londoner Member

    I've been feeling very frustrated and depressed today. I feel like a total freak not being able to connect with women the way everyone else can. I just feel like giving up.
  18. NoDestination

    NoDestination Member

    You and me both. I remember a few times like having some sort of panic attack. I remember thinking: I never had a GF, never kissed a girl. A 12 year old boy has had more experience with girls than me! Feels very unreal. Like an anomaly in the system. This is just not normal. Sometimes I wonder if I am some sort of sociopath or something.

    Maybe it just boils down to PMO draining us of the "drive". Maybe it is that simple. Maybe the body just needs up to 1 year of abstinence to properly recover? Maybe it is just that simple.

    Trust your gut. I doubt your gut is saying to surrender to PMO lifestyle. I think the intuition is screaming ... stay the fuck away from P!

    Keep the hope alive. Cannot undo decades of P abuse in a few months.
    Michael84 likes this.
  19. Londoner

    Londoner Member

    Thanks, @NoDestination, that does make sense. Not everyone who uses internet porn will be affected by it to such an extent, but perhaps some of us are more susceptible than others.

    So glad to have this place where we understand and can help each other.
  20. Yeah dude. I look around sometimes, I imagine there must be thousands of guys who jack off multiple times each day, yet still manage to have sexual relations with women - I'm sure we've all met people like this.
    Yet for some it isn't so easy, for some it might have to be one or the other, and there's probably a lot more men out there in a similar position to us than we realise.

    Anyway, I'm super glad you came on here to write up your thoughts, as opposed to letting them swirl around in your head too long. Congrats, and good job on a week.
    cjm and Londoner like this.

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