Hello, So far, my story, in terms of sex/relationships, is ZERO. No sex, no relationships, no dating, no intimate moments and 99.9% absence of females in my life.(apart from relatives) Women are like aliens to me..... and I'm extremely sick and devastated at how my life turned out. It all started at around 16: at school I was not a confident person and didn't make many friends. Therefore, when I left school, I immediately had no friends, I spent most of my time (as I do now) alone. Also, at that age, as I was relatively new to Western culture, I had identity conflict: even though I come from liberal background, I knew drinking, partying and girls were immediately off limits for me - which is very sad for a young person. Very, very sad, I can confirm. Anyway, as I didn't see myself fitting in, especially as a loner, I carried on with life pretty much alone. (My family were always there, but our relationships are dysfunctional). To make things worse, due to my confidence issues, my employment prospects suffered. When I was 19, I couldn't find a job for two years. Then I found some temporary jobs for the next couple of years. Then, when I was 22, I again was unemployed - and this time this was devastating: I was unemployed for the next 7 years. Until the age of 29. This meant that, in additions to confidence issues, lack of friends and an uncertain identity, I didn't have money, therefore I couldn't move out of my parent's home. (I still live there!!) I couldn't do anything else, I couldn't go on holidays, I couldn't buy some new stuff; I was just sick being without money, girls and friendship. Everything in my life was routine: get up, go to work/or do job search when unemployed, go to the gym and back home in the evening. Very rarely any nights out - still never really had one proper night out, to be honest. During that time, my adolescence worries and mild sadness, became, when I reached 29, deep depression, stress and despair about life. I was frequently suicidal. At around 2013, I finally broke my employment duck and found a job, that I'm still at right now. Even though it's been good having and saving good money (live with parents, so the disposable income is a rare positive!), my mental state still continued to down spiral. I actually hate my job and is searching for a new one, but unfortunately my job now is a negative reinforcer in my life. (In terms of the stress and depression.) Anyway, in 2014, I fell for a girl (basically I 'knew' her on facebook, she was someone that, in real life, I first came across at around 20 y/o, but obviously I couldn't ask her out) and became even more depressed. I then started experiencing PIED. At first, I thought PIED was down to the depression and the deep emotional state that I put myself under all those years. In early 2017, I discovered Gary Wilson's TedX talk and then started rebooting almost immediately. Unfortunately, during my 2017 reboot, I relapsed to PMO 2-3 times - the last time which was in August 2017. This relapse basically made me go cold turkey on PMO, I completely lost interest in Porn, and confusingly in sex too, after this relapse. The day after the relapse, as I went to to check my erection, I noticed my penis size had shrunk and there was even less blood flow. This effect is still with me today. From that moment, I felt utter despair - that was my lowest moment. Since then, I've gone through hardmode, which I am currently going through now again - but unfortunately no improvements so far. I'm suspecting that, as I didn't take the opportunity in my adolescence years to form the brain pathways of sex, this meant that this pathway was never built up during that time - which is the crucial period of consolidation of the existing pathways. Which could well mean that I will never be able to recover, as my brain does not have the 'natural' state to go back to. (Just the old Porn pathways.) This uncertainty about my recovery prospects is completely killing me everyday. I will never know this until I get with a girl. (at the moment, as I still have to live with parents, I can't approach girls, what's the point??) Anyway, that's pretty much a story of my utterly, sad and pathetic life. Sorry for the long article.