30 years of chains, I want to break free

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rex, Feb 17, 2014.

  1. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Hello forum members, I have been addicted to PMO for 30 years. During these 30 years I have tried to kick this wretched habit so many times. Back during my early to mid-20s I was successful for about 3-4 years when I stopped watching R-rated movies, looking at Playboy magazines, and began to have a good prayer life. Unfortunately it came back, I started to slip again when I accidentally stumbled across Internet porn about 17 years ago. Soon thereafter I was able to break free for about 6 months and then it came back and for the last 16 years this addiction has slowly tightened its grip on me to where I just can't shake it and it's an everyday occurrence. In the last few years my once sharp mind has become slow, I am full of anxiety, and I can feel it taking a toll on my once athletic body. I want to stop before I do permanent damage to my body and soul. After praying about a cure, I stumbling across this site. This site has given me renewed hope. I have read several of the great testimonies and watched Gabe's video and I am going to give this site a try. I will post my progress which should give me extra incentive to stay clean. Thanks....

    Rex
     
    labelbob likes this.
  2. breath

    breath Member

    You can achieve what you need. I always think we should focus at least as much if not much more on what we want, than what we don't want. Positive inspirations pulling us into the beautiful rather than looking back at the regrettable unchangeable past. You seem inspired and are ins[iring many of us here to chase our good dreams too.
     
  3. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    breath,

    Thanks, that's excellent advice. You're right, I can't change the past and I should focus on positive inspirations and a brighter future instead of dwelling on the past and all the past mistakes I have made.

    Rex
     
  4. midge

    midge Guest

    Welcome, Rex. You're in the right place, buddy. We're all very much in the same boat you're in. This forum is an amazing place, though, and it's the first thing that has ever helped me stop the habit--and I was at it at least as long as you were. My best advice is to read and watch the vids at yourbrainonporn.com, and spend time here at the forum--multiple times daily if necessary--reading and posting. Encouraging others here seems to be part of the cure, too. Stick around, join the conversation, and you'll see the results you want. Very glad you're here.
     
  5. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    midge,

    Thanks for the warm welcome and for the advice. I am definitely here for the long run.

    Rex
     
  6. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Day 2 (morning):

    Woke up this morning, and as usual had the urge to look at naked women with vivid pictures popping into my head. With certain past pictures popping up in my head. The mornings are the most difficult for me especially when I wake up. I just made a concerted effort this morning to change my thoughts every time the urge hit my brain and pray during these temptations. I kept telling my brain that this would pass, and I got up this morning feeling better since I beat the urges. So far this day has been clean and I plan on keeping it that way.
     
  7. Cosmo

    Cosmo These porn pretzels are making me thirsty!

    Rex, Welcome aboard! It takes courage to stand up to your inner addict, but you're doing that. Keep working at it and posting here every day, and very soon you will gain the upper hand.
     
  8. midge

    midge Guest

    That's the exact right approach, Rex. Knowing your most vulnerable times and planning ahead for ways to sidestep those urges is important, and it works. Prayer and/or meditation can also be very helpful. What's great is that each time you positively make it through one of those tough times, you're conditioning yourself and developing your response, so that the next time will be just a smidgen easier. Those successes add up. Eventually, I predict, you'll find it a LOT easier.
     
  9. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Thanks...
     
  10. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Cosmo,

    Thanks for the encouragement and for the welcome. I plan on continuing to post and making this my new home on the Internet. :D
     
  11. Great to have you here Rex.

    I've found that now that you've quit P you'll find all kinds of ways to open up your life.

    Just know that it can take some time.

    Also, what's been helpful for me is to realize that I've decided to stop BEING "Someone Who Incorporates P Into Their Life At All" I want that to not be me. In a way, this is easier and more difficult than just trying to last a week, or a day, or a month, but its clear from your journal introduction that that's you too. You've already quit -- congratulations.

    Now just hang in there with the rest of us here .

    When you're feeling down, just read the forums nad find someone else here that you can cheer up or encourage.
     
  12. jjjankie

    jjjankie at lightspeed slowing

    I can relate to the 30 years of <apply name of personal hell>. Do you have a cache of downloaded jpgs? I did, and just this last month finally deleted that whole folder in disgust with my last relapse.

    Something I read on the 911 instant help < http://yourbrainonporn.com/uncle-bob-porn-addiction-recovery-tips > url is to
    1) when relapse occurs - DO. Not. Make. It. Reflective. Of. Your. Self-worth. and
    2) look at it as a war you are in and that you are soldier battling an enemy.
     
  13. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Thanks for the good advice. It will be an uphill battle but with all the great support I have received at this site, I have a gut feeling I have finally turned the corner and am now on the road to recovery.
     
  14. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Thanks for the insights and advice. You bring up an excellent point. I cleared my cache when I had my last stumble yesterday and removed all the naked women pictures from my computer. I even removed all the porn site bookmarks yesterday. It's the hardest thing I have found to do, for some reason in the back of mind I almost look at the pictures as girlfriends that I don't want to part with. And in the past when I have deleted pictures of naked women I feel good about it but then a few days later I am downloading the same pictures again because I can't part with them. Not this time, I am trying to retrain the brain that these are just pictures and nothing more.
     
  15. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Day 2 (evening):

    I made it past the 24 hour mark a few hours ago - my signature counter below started a few hours after my last fall. I found controlling the thoughts and not letting my mind start entertaining thoughts about porn when the urges hit today kept me on the straight and narrow. I feel good this evening, however I realize the temptations will hit tomorrow morning when I wake up and I'll have to stick to the game plan all day tomorrow just like today which is easier said than done.

    Special note: In the last few weeks having a day off PMO has been a rarity, so this is a big step for me.
     
  16. midge

    midge Guest

    Congratulations on clearing the first 24 hrs, Rex. Think ahead about what you're going to do if the temptation hits tomorrow. Have a book to read, a place to go, something positive to do, and when the time comes, put your plan into action. With each successful day that passes, you will gain a little more strength, and it WILL get easier. You're learning to live in freedom, making your own choices, which is HUGE.
     
  17. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Thanks for bringing up the idea of having a strategy when the temptation hits. That's so true, if you don't have a game plan when the temptation hits one crumbles so very easily.

    This morning was tougher than yesterday. I woke up from a dream about a beautiful woman model prancing around (with clothes), when I woke I realized I needed to stop focusing on this stupid dream. Then thoughts started popping into my head about a particular naked female model's pictures I had deleted from my hard drive two days ago. I had continual temptation to download these pictures again. I then said a prayer, and began to logically say to myself "forget about it, it's a trap" and "no good will come of this". I then watched a very old TV sitcom episode from the early 1960s for about 30 minutes which got my mind off the temptation. I then got ready for work, the temptation hit again and I started to laugh and say to myself "no way" and it went away. I feel much better the last couple of hours. The day will be a bright one.

    I work from home and I live alone so I spend a lot of time around the house. If the temptation hits later, I'll do some cardio exercises and other things to take my mind off the temptation. It's hard to not give into the temptation but I always feel better later on when I don't give in to the temptation. So now I am starting to focus more of putting those good thoughts into my brain of how good I feel after not giving into the temptation when the temptation hits.
     
  18. Cosmo

    Cosmo These porn pretzels are making me thirsty!

    Seems like you're handling it well, Rex. Those tempting thoughts will find just about any hole they can and try to exploit it. They even invade your dreams. The nerve of that! Keeping your mind engaged and focused on other things (when you're not sleeping of course) is the best defense, so you're definitely approaching things with the right mindset. Keep up the good work!
     
  19. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Cosmo,

    Thanks. The invading of the dreams with images of beautiful women are the worst temptation, that's when I am at my most vulnerable time since I can't control what my dreams are when sleeping. However when I wake up I am going to continue to fight with everything that I have got.
     
  20. midge

    midge Guest

    Well done, Rex. Stick with it, and your strategy will pay off. Before long, you may be halfway through your day and it'll suddenly occur to you, "Hey! I've not had a P- or M-related thought yet today!" The thoughts, dreams, and urges will soon get the idea that you're serious, that you mean business, and the temptations will cool down. Carry on, bud!
     

Share This Page