24, Stopping the Descent into Darkness

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by deadofwinter, Apr 6, 2016.

  1. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Day 6!

    The fever kind of attacked me mentally too today! Or it's the medication stuff I'm taking, I'm not sure. Either way, whatever, I'll try not to make too big a deal out of it. First I'll have to let this fever pass. :)


    100DaysMission likes this.
  2. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Get better, my friend.
  3. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    How are things, buddy?:)
    deadofwinter likes this.
  4. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Hey dude!!
    good to hear from you.

    I'm doing well, exciting things going on, but also lots of worrying and irrational dumb exgf-missing. Haha!
    worries are mostly about money and my future and the lack of spicy love in my life, but that can all be fixed.

    I'm doing yoga every day, which helps staying sane! AND I'm doing hard workouts every other days which really improves my mental health and self image!

    NoFap wise: I think I'm on, like, a week and a day. Which isn't great, but not too bad. If I relapse, it's mostly once a week and not more. I'm gonna keep this streak going 'till the 24th tho, because I have a cool concert to play that night, with lots of people to talk to.

    Socially, I'm actually improving a lot! I was at the hairdresser yesterday, something that fueled my anxiety-themed nightmares like crazy, but yesterday I was really chatting away with old ladies in the waiting room and later with the (superduper cute) hairdresser girl. So yeah.

    Creatively, I'm working on a video game with an actual team! I'm also enrolled in a program to learn more about the marketing of indie games and what not. Games are A LOT of work tho, and it's depressing me from time to time, but then I'll just write music and I'm fine.

    I really hope I can get the life I'm working so hard for: being an artist. Sometimes I'm so terribly afraid that I'll be a failure who gave up so many things for art. :/
    but still, I can't help but keep going in the artistic direction of life. ugh!

    I have moments that I'm like "when did life get so fucking hard..?" because of all the toxic thoughts and terrible feelings. Other moments I'm like "all the hardships are worth it in the end". I think, in the end, the latter one is always true.

    I'm gonna check out your journal too and ask about YOU over there! ;)
    Cheerio mate!
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2018
    100DaysMission likes this.
  5. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    It's good to hear from you!:)

    I'm glad you some nice and exciting things happening in your life. You deserve them so much, mate.

    Congrats on the game too - holy moly! I hope it all goes amazingly!

    I was speaking to someone about art today, and our pursuit of it.
    They reminded me that so many people are so unsure of what they want to do in their life. We're lucky to know, and to be pursuing something that feels worth pursuing:)

    Sending lots of positive vibes your way DoW
  6. Lakaf

    Lakaf Member

    Which Day Are You in Now..?
    Am Gonna Start My Day 1 Again From Tomorrow Muahhaha
  7. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Im on 17 days, Lakaf! glad to see you're never giving up.

    Day 17

    Darkness incoming (I'm sorry):

    So, I'm not doing good. I wish I'd be back in the time that I thought NoFap would fix my uphappiness. These days I see the complexity of everything, but especially the dark sides of the living (espcially when writing this atm). I realize that there is so much sad music because so many people are blue and have a hard time dealing with the world and themselves. As I'm getting older, I can feel that it's not getting easier and I'm most definately one of those persons.

    I understand why people shoot themselves in the head more often than in the heart, because if I have to hear myself think for one more second I kind of want to do the same.

    90% of my rolemodels have left the world by their own hand, and I'm so afraid I'm starting to understand why
  8. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    I feel for you, brother.

    There's no shame in the thoughts you're having, and it's great that you're sharing them.
    I think I'm realising too that NoFap isn't the cure for any malaise (but not worth packing in!).
    BUT, by committing to it, and having committed to it, it shows we are truly committed to attaining happiness.

    So, I guess, what next for you?:)
    Have you considered professional help, or tried it at some point?

    I'm rooting for you, and I'm proud! You're an incredible artist, with so many different mediums, it's really amazing.
  9. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Just checking in, brother.
    Hope things are as well as they can be:)

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