17. Porn or Progress

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by picats3141, Dec 15, 2012.

  1. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Wow. Reading many other guys' stories about how they had used PMO their whole lives, and literally self-destructed, brought me here, as I want to eradicate the problem that has sort of weighed down on the last 3 years of my life. Well, one night after my usual PMO, I stumbled upon YBOP. I was shocked to see just how extensively debilitating today's porn is, and how many people use it. I never realized that porn was the cause of so many of my problems. Well, anyway, I'm on Day 6, and hearing from many experienced forum members, it tends to be the hardest day, and I have undoubtedly found it so. I can't believe how lucky I am to stop this young, and even with my "light" use, how bad I got. Usually a straight-A student, fourth quarter last year I got 3 B's, something that had never happened. This sort of slapped me into the reality of my problem, but practically all summer I did nothing about it. Well, there's no time better than the present for me to start, and seeing just the effects I've experienced already--happier, getting up earlier (usually at this time on a Saturday I'd be asleep!) and increased focus, is encouraging. I'll keep you posted!
     
  2. T

    T New Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Wowww ! 13. That's just about when i started all this mess. You have saved sooo much wasted time and emotional turmoil from starting this now. Please don't give up. You have so much potential ahead if you can get this out of your life now. Learn from our mistakes and i hope you'll also be able to pass on what you've learned to others as you travel down this road.
     
  3. Whiz

    Whiz Get rid of it.

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Welcome to our humble assembly of recovering men.
    As many like to say, "you are in the right place."
    So, fellow 13-ner, state your goals and why (exactly) you are doing this.
    I am following your journal, and I wish you good luck.
     
  4. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Thanks T! It's a great feeling, knowing that I wasn't just some isolated pervert who started using PMO; it was almost bound to happen with the amount of internet access the world has, and I'm sure that even in my class, lots of kids use porn behind closed doors. The farthest I got was about two weeks last year, but I was M'ing throughout, and I'm going total abstinence this time! I'M. DONE. WITH. PORN. :mad:

    As to you, Whiz, I am doing this because I know I really could be kicking butt in all aspects of life, but porn is the single factor holding me back. I have a great work ethic, it's just that darn porn!

    Secondly, I want to reach attainable goals, and not just go for 90 days off the bat, because it's pretty depressing to see "0.2% complete" when you start, and that is why I'm going for approx. 2-3 day goals: For example, when I reached 5 days, I bumped by goal up to 8 days. If/WHEN I reach 8 days, I might bump it up to 10, and so on. I won't beat myself up b/c of relapse, but simply continue on doing what I'm doing, maybe with slight adjustments. So far, studying for finals has been a welcome diversion to get over the first-week hurdle in my reboot.

    A little off topic--Everyone here assuredly heard about the Newport shootings, correct? I think that crazed shooter and his life serves as a reminder of how much, not just porn, but being happy in life can affect one's mental stability. I wonder, if in a couple decades, the headlines will say,

    "Why the spike of depression, mental illness in men, not women?"

    It will have been a result of their long-term porn use.
     
  5. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Day 7

    Hey guys, just checking in this morning. Yesterday turned out to be really hard, as I was reading some guy's journal about how his parents had HBO, and that channel had some softcore stuff, and this caused me to rush to the TV, in a state of relapse, to see what channels there were (luckily, we didn't have HBO.) Then, before I could do anything else, I made myself meditate for 20 minutes, and I subsequently became really tired, so I went to sleep. Man, I feel like I'm going to do really well on these finals, so long as porn doesn't distract me. Only a little over a day remains until I reach my 8-day goal!
     
  6. Whiz

    Whiz Get rid of it.

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    You're on your way! In one day - reward yourself somehow. However, I do suggest that the goal after that be a little further away. Like 14 days. For a bigger reward!
     
  7. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Whiz-- Seeing the success you've had so far, I'll definitely heed that advice. I bet that if I keep having these short, easily attainable goals, the mental reward of reaching a goal will diminish, until reaching a goal is like an everyday thing, and it feels OK to relapse (Obviously, that is a bad strategy) Thanks man!

    Everyone-- Today is going a lot better than yesterday. Urges aren't as bad, and I'm actually able to crank out a lot of studying. I have had the energy and resolve today to go through and organize my study binder and my desk, and this has put me in a much better frame of mind. Plus, another good tool is my iPad. I can do nearly all of my studying on it w/o the distraction of a computer near me.
     
  8. fapfreeforme

    fapfreeforme New Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    I thought about starting a poll about Adam Lanza to see how many members thought he might have been addicted to PMO.

    With all these mass shootings I have yet to hear any woman claim to have been a girlfriend of any of these crazy fucks.
     
  9. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    IKR? Unless Adam Lanza was somehow better than the majority of guys in America, then HELL YES he watched porn!
     
  10. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Day 8

    8 days without PMO is the time I've spent so far. However, in those 8 days, one surefire benefit I'm getting is having more time on my hands. I am able to do a really nice job on HW assignments+studying, whereas before I could only study intermittently, and then I would have to take a porn break.

    But, above all, I reached my original 8-day goal, and that feels great, because it is essentially my longest period of time without porn, ever since my PMO usage really picked up about a year ago. :D

    But, other than that, I haven't really noticed much other effect other than having more time on my hands--sometimes I feel like I'm a bit happier than normal, and laugh more, but other times I have exaggerated annoyance or frustration with things that I didn't have before.

    And, as Whiz suggested, I will now aim for a more lofty goal of 20 days to see if I can't compare from then and see some noticeable changes since now. Today I don't feel too strong urges, so that's good. It is the last day before our exams start, and this ought to be a good enough diversion to keep me clean.
     
  11. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Day 9
    Day numero nuevo. (or is it nueva?) Anyways, the point is, when it comes to no PMO, I've never uttered that phrase "Day 9" before-- even though about a year ago I got 14 days, back then I had been M-ing at night as a sedative, and, well, let's just say the relapse following the 14 days wasn't pretty. Also, I decided to switch up the font of the journal entries, to make them easier to identify, do you guys agree? Today we had our Social Studies and Science exams. I'm really good at science, and I think I might've even aced it--however, I probably did a little worse on SS, just because I hate the subject matter/it doesn't interest me that much, so it doesn't really stick, but if I'm lucky I can pull a A- in Social Studies.

    Basically, today I'm just planning on some light studying AWAY from my computer and relaxing, maybe watching TV or something.

    I also remembered that we are going on a 5-day cruise starting on New Year's Eve, so that can be a nice "rehab" additional 5 days if I can make it to there, but considering it would be past my 20-day goal, it's still a ways to go. I'm DEFINITELY not bringing my iPod, and I'm going to try to get my mom to put a passcode on her iPad, which she usually brings on trips (or she could "forget" it ::)) Speaking of breaks, I HAVE to find some way to fill up the remainder of the time in winter break--I could fill the rest up with rest!(Please don't attack me too much for that one :) ) Man, you guys have any tips for getting through times when you're home all day, like winter break?

    I say this, because I remember before summer break, at first I was saying, "Yeah, man, I'm fired up! I'm going the whole summer without porn!"

    And, you might predict that it ended up being a basically disaster-filled pornfest.
     
  12. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Day 10

    Well, I seem to have reached the double digits. It feels as if its been at least a month in PMO abstinence-time, but when I think about the rest of my life since 10 days ago, it feels like 10 days ago. Still more exams were today, and the last one, Geometry, is tomorrow. I guess I'm making progress, but again, it is too minute to be measured. The urges were definitely coming on stronger today, mostly because I was home by myself since 2:30, up until now.
     
  13. Neuroplastic

    Neuroplastic "If it's to be, it's up to me" Joe Girard

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Picats you're already my hero. Keep going, man.


    Stay Strong
    N
     
  14. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    This is really inspiring stuff about being happy in life--while you must be patient to watch the whole thing, I recommend this TED talk highly. While not specifically naming addiction or porn, the video really shows the difference between pleasure and happiness, and how to dissolve anger, and become a better person as a result.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbLEf4HR74E
     
  15. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Day 11

    Thanks for the support, N!

    My thoughts as of now:

    "Hell yeah, it's winter break, and I get to relax!"
    "Hell no, it's winter break, and I'll be home every day with my computer lingering about!"

    These are the two predominant thoughts in my head as I head into the two-week break, 5 days of which being taken up by a cruise with my family, so that should help (slightly.) Today I am feeling pretty good, partially fueled by what I think was a good performance on my Geometry exam, and also the fact I have time now recuperate and gather together for second semester.

    It's definitely making me uneasy thinking about PMO abstaining the whole break, especially when 14 days is more time than I've actually abstained for so far (11.) However, before I worry about the whole break, I have to worry about today. Whereas yesterday I was home since 2:30 pm, today I've been home since 11:00 am, as we only had 1 exam today--basically, I have a lot of time to kill. Anyway, I also haven't installed a web filter on my computer yet, as oftentimes I go through quite a bit of websites for my schoolwork/research/study, but just for winter break, to help me get through, I am considering it.

    I've heard K9 is a popular one, what do you guys think?

    EDIT: I've installed K9. It works great!
     
  16. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    It's amazing that you found YBOP at your age. You will not regret it. I'm sure that everyone here would agree to that: we all wish that we had found out about this addiction earlier and saved us lots of trouble.

    Good idea to install K9. As for the break, just try to stay busy with whatever you can come up with, as long as it's not PMO.
     
  17. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Day 12

    It feels a little more like December in Ohio, and I've ended up cooped in here with my computer for 2 weeks. Yesterday, I had a violin recital, which helped me round out Day 11, but I've been inside all of today. Anyway, I configured K9 so that there are no loopholes I can see (yet,) and I have to say it gives you some peace of mind, knowing that there are several barriers that prevent me from relapsing in a matter of seconds.

    I woke up at like 6 today, not groggy or tired. It may have been partially because I'm used to waking near then on a weekday, but usually on weekdays my alarm wakes me up, and that was funny as I have no alarm set on the break. So, it could be a benefit of PMO abstinence! Also, I had about a 3/4 strength morning wood, so that was good.

    If the world does end today, We will have died fighting a "noble" cause ;)
     
  18. atl6245

    atl6245 New Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    I know that you young guys don't always like advice from us old dudes, but here goes...
    Don't over emphasize sex in your life. If you make having sex a big priority, you will end up miserable. Porn does this to you. It totally twists our perception of relationships with women and the role sex plays. If you will focus on becoming the best, most well rounded man you can be and treat women with respect, it will all work out for you. It is awesome that you found YBOP so soon. You have better than a fighting chance? Good luck to you and fight hard.
     
  19. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    Hey atl, I didn't mind the advice at all, thanks :) Still, I think all throughout my usage, porn never really changed my views on sex in the outside world. Well, the first few times I used porn, I would look at girls and think, "So that's what it's really like?" However, soon my brain began disconnecting porn from other parts of my life, and that ceased to happen as porn just became this quiet parasite that ate away at my life without me knowing. I would definitely say that my focus in life is more on the academic side of things, as porn has caused detriment in that aspect as well, and obviously, just like 'most every man, I want to have sex at some point in my life, but not at least until I make it out of high school, MAYBE even college (probably not very realistic I'm guessing :)))

    Day 13/14
    I didn't post yesterday because I was so darn busy--in the morning and into the afternoon we went Christmas shopping, then we went to a wedding anniversary into the evening, then when I came home I talked to my friend on the phone for a really long time--probably from like 8:30 to 11:00. We just talked about the first semester, exams, social stuff, funny Youtube videos, the usual.

    Also, there was something I haven't said yet, not because I was being deceitful or anything, but just because I didn't know just how much this negatively affects you. Yes, I have always masturbated unconventionally throughout my life, in the "prone" position, as healthystrokes.com calls it. If you guys didn't already know, "TMS practitioners" rub on the ground (in my case, into my hands) in a way that is much more stimulating than conventional masturbation or real sex, which is a problem. I've never really successfully masturbated the normal way--I feel some stimulation, but never O, and my skin just gets irritated--however, haven't tried M-ing conventionally in a while, probably a month or two.

    So, what do you guys think? Should I do a controlled "relapse" of MO the conventional way, if possible?(EDIT: In no scenario will this involve P, if you were wondering.) The Healthystrokes site says that you should abstain from prone masturbation for at least a week, which I've done.

    Thanks, and sorry I didn't mention this before, as I didn't know just how much it differentiated me from other guys.

    Here's the article on YBOP:
    http://yourbrainonporn.com/traumatic-masturbation-syndrome
     
  20. Re: I'm 13 and grateful to have found this site

    I'm 13 as well. And your story is amazing. Congratulations so far! ;D
     

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